As a Narc, I am very attracted to Histrionic women

I find it interesting that your view of histrionic women is very different to mine.

katana wrote:I find it interesting that your view of histrionic women is very different to mine.

Please tell me yours. I could be wrong.

Most histrionic-like women I've known/met haven't seemed to control the room at all, they've seemed quite desperate for attention flitting wherever its offered and being the passive party in decision making not the active one - vying for attention "desperately wanting to be loved" being controlled by where the attention is in the room, not controlling the attention in the room.

katana wrote:Most histrionic-like women I've known/met haven't seemed to control the room at all, they've seemed quite desperate for attention flitting wherever its offered and being the passive party in decision making not the active one - vying for attention "desperately wanting to be loved" being controlled by where the attention is in the room, not controlling the attention in the room.

Interesting. I think we're looking at the same thing from two different points of view. I'm watching the girl flit around the room from guy to guy, watching each guy think that he's the one who's going to take her home that night, and I see the girl having the power because of the way she is able to get the attention of each of the guys and basically make the guys do what she wants. But from your point of view, you see a girl starved for attention, basically throwing herself at whatever guy will look at her in order to quench her need for attention and validation. So I guess it's sort of like: is a Histrionic girl operating out of strength or weakness? It's similar for Narcs: people always ask whether Narcs need admiration because of low self esteem, or if we really do think we're special and deserve admiration.

http://gettinbetter.com/dance.html

-- Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:42 pm --

VirginiaEsquire wrote:

katana wrote:Most histrionic-like women I've known/met haven't seemed to control the room at all, they've seemed quite desperate for attention flitting wherever its offered and being the passive party in decision making not the active one - vying for attention "desperately wanting to be loved" being controlled by where the attention is in the room, not controlling the attention in the room.

Interesting. I think we're looking at the same thing from two different points of view. I'm watching the girl flit around the room from guy to guy, watching each guy think that he's the one who's going to take her home that night, and I see the girl having the power because of the way she is able to get the attention of each of the guys and basically make the guys do what she wants. But from your point of view, you see a girl starved for attention, basically throwing herself at whatever guy will look at her in order to quench her need for attention and validation. So I guess it's sort of like: is a Histrionic girl operating out of strength or weakness? It's similar for Narcs: people always ask whether Narcs need admiration because of low self esteem, or if we really do think we're special and deserve admiration.

Great observation!

VirginiaEsquire wrote: I can relate to her lack of empathy and true emotion. I feel like a relationship with a Histrionic woman could be quite hot, provided that we were teaming up together against the world, viewing the world as our mutual plaything.

Any thoughts from anyone?

Why not just have the short ride, enjoy it for a short while, then move on. Like she wants to do. Give her what she wants, make sure you get what you want, and realize it won't last for either of you. Because if you think it will, then don't say you weren't warned. It's extremely unlikely for it to last. You should know this for yourself, the way you are, if you are a narc like you suspect. Besides, isn't it just the admiration you want anyway?

Me? I just ride for a short while, take the flirting because its fun, then just move on. I can't be bothered to deal with someone who is HPD for long periods of time, longer than a day actually, who isn't trying to get themselves mentally healthy of their own volition. And what you describe of her, I wouldn't go past dancing, singing and flirting. I wouldn't even let her lips touch my cheek.

Now if an HPD is trying to deal with life in healthier manners, it might be quite a fun friendship. I've had one of those work before. We kinda just drifted apart though, we met new friends, never had a conflict though.

Not everyone is going to be the same, guys. The OP and kat may only be seeing hpd differently due to limited experiences. There are different manifestations of hpd. Some are dramatic and go for it all while other are shy types. They're still people and so the individual will vary, even if they've been placed into an illness grouping.

commedia wrote:Not everyone is going to be the same, guys. The OP and kat may only be seeing hpd differently due to limited experiences. There are different manifestations of hpd. Some are dramatic and go for it all while other are shy types. They're still people and so the individual will vary, even if they've been placed into an illness grouping.

Good point. I was talking about "stereotypical HPD women", so I (think) we were thinking of the same kind of behaviour. Attention is only power if you can use it, one thing that crosses my mind is if you're that concerned with it, can you use it? Because you're likely to end up missing the forest for the trees.. though if the objective is relationship-orientated, people who need attention often seem to have developed very good intuition about how to get that and use it to get more (because the relationship is a part of feeding that need.)

I think the main difference was opinion though, one person admiring "typical HPD females" and the other not particularly impressed.

I'm aware attention seeking behaviour isn't limited to that stereotype though.

VirginiaEsquire wrote:...
Interesting. I think we're looking at the same thing from two different points of view. I'm watching the girl flit around the room from guy to guy, watching each guy think that he's the one who's going to take her home that night, and I see the girl having the power because of the way she is able to get the attention of each of the guys and basically make the guys do what she wants. But from your point of view, you see a girl starved for attention, basically throwing herself at whatever guy will look at her in order to quench her need for attention and validation. So I guess it's sort of like: is a Histrionic girl operating out of strength or weakness? It's similar for Narcs: people always ask whether Narcs need admiration because of low self esteem, or if we really do think we're special and deserve admiration.

The analogous question is do you take it at face value, or assume she does what she does for a deeper reason? At face value she doesn't need a partner, and is not seeking a partner; she is doing just fine attracting varied attention and doesn't need/want a partner if that would mean limiting attention from others in any way.

In reality the A/B choices are very black&white, and I'm doubtful the answer is typically so simple, but it reminds me. I was made aware the other day of someone who is probably NPD. The story was they were going to help some stranger who had lost a great deal in a natural catastrophe. That makes you think 'wow, what a kind thing to do'. Then I learned that wasn't the full story. They were also speaking with a journalist, a publicity spin, and working on more publicity along the same lines.

I can look at that from various points of view, but in the end the bottom line is past behavior often does predict future behavior. So if she is a mad flirt now, and successful at obtaining a lot of attention, odds are pretty good she'll be madly flirting with many others later. That can be problematic in any one-on-one relationship, but probably more so for someone with NPD.

@VirginiaEsq:

On the link xdude gave LINK REMOVED one can find the following quote about NPD/BPD

In truth, the Narcissist is no match for the Borderline. It doesn't matter how smart or powerful he is, she'll turn his world upside-down to where he could lose his entire fortune, acquire a serious disease, and become a shadow of his former self. The Narcissist's grandiosity works against him in this type of coupling, because he has an unquenchable need to win, due to self-worth issues. He won't let himself be one-upped by anyone, but the Borderline is always better at this game than he is. As he cannot tolerate this loss of control, he'll literally fight to the death to maintain it--never realizing what he's losing/giving up, while highly focused on surmounting this challenge.

A Narcissistic perfectionist believes; "If I feel bad in a relationship, it must be my fault." The Borderline believes; "If I feel bad in a relationship, it has to be your fault."

So if this holds true for BPD's who are (supposedly) more introvert what does it say about the chance an NPD has with HPD? I guess none, because contrary to an BPD the HPD has a HUGE supply at her disposal at any time. So not only does a Narc feel it's his fault, but the HPD will also give him the blame AND THEN PUNISHES him for it by switching him off in a milisecond, replace him for tons of attention elsewhere, possibly leading to sleeping with other guys.

It's the perfect storm.