As a Narc, I am very attracted to Histrionic women

To be sure, I've never been diagnosed as a Narc, nor have I sought diagnosis, but I started researching PDs after I noticed my Narc tendencies, and I have a lot of Narc traits, I get very high Narc scores on the online PD tests, and I have been told by people who know a bit about PDs that I seem like a Narc.

That said, I wasn't sure if it was common for a Narc man to be attracted to Histrionic women. I know Narcs and Borderlines are usually very attracted to one another, but I have noticed that I am also drawn to women who seem to show Histrionic traits. Perhaps it's just that Cluster B's attract other Cluster B's.

For example, the other night at the karaoke bar in my town, there was a girl there around my age, maybe a few years younger, who was fairly attractive and was engaged in a lot of Histrionic behavior. She was flirting with almost every guy in the bar, young and old, often doing suggestive things like massaging their shoulders, pulling them up to dance, holding their hands, and then dropping them minutes later for someone else. She brought a big group up to sing and would make a big show of it, making "announcements" to the audience as she sang with her group, and annoying the karaoke guy (LOL). She would barge in on other people's song to sing along with them.

I found myself inexplicably drawn to her. I respected her raw power and her domination of her surroundings for her own amusement and entertainment. As she passed me, I told her that she did a good job on her last song. She stopped, looked at me, smirked, and gave me a flirtatious tickle for a few seconds. Later I found her again and suggested we do a song, which we did, and during which she moved into kiss me but stopped short, and naturally she would drop me as soon as she was "done" with me and move onto the next source of entertainment.

I think what turns me on about Histrionic women is that they are essentially doing the same thing that Narcs do, but for different reasons and in slightly different ways. I admire the Histrionic woman's ability to toy with her surroundings just to make herself entertained. I can relate to her lack of empathy and true emotion. I feel like a relationship with a Histrionic woman could be quite hot, provided that we were teaming up together against the world, viewing the world as our mutual plaything.

Any thoughts from anyone?

VirginiaEsquire wrote:Any thoughts from anyone?

a histrionic chick will chew you up and spit you out and you won't leave the slightest mark on her psyche. save your wiles for the nons, narc.

This was an interesting post to read. Insightful, but...

VirginiaEsquire wrote:....I can relate to her lack of empathy and true emotion. I feel like a relationship with a Histrionic woman could be quite hot, provided that we were teaming up together against the world, viewing the world as our mutual plaything....

This last part is exactly why it would end badly for you.

As a NPD type you're thinking - 'working together' (i.e., someone to prop you up), because that's how someone with NPD thinks. It's what would be good for your ego to have someone working with you toward what you want. At best you'd get what you are seeking, for a while. Problem is... she wouldn't be in that relationship for you or what you want.

What props up your ego is her devotion to you. What props up her ego is attention, affirmation, praise. Even if she enjoyed that from you for a while, she'd soon enough grow bored, because if your attention/affirmation is good, then more is better.

Soon enough she'd be off chasing new attention/affirmation from others, and with that... every time she feels annoyed/bored/whatever; every time she backs some random new person for new attention and forgets about you, your ego would be shredded. You'd watch, how easily she can switch on/off, how easily she can get new attention/approval, while you slowly come to realize she can get new approval far more effortlessly than you can, which would further hurt your ego.

So yes, totally agree with lilo, she's chew you up and spit you out

p.s. if you really are a NPD type, it would go the other way as well. Soon enough you'd grow bored with her once you felt you she was in your pocket. Without a doubt she's pick up on that and off she'd go to seek what she wants from someone else.

p.s.s. NPD types seem to be attracted to the 'challenge' (i.e., it's a bigger ego stroke to get the devotion of someone whose devotion is hard to get than it is someone who'd give it easily).

going to have to back up mah team here! although you both troll for supply, that supply is indubitably different. your need for control will cease to exist as you become more and more mesmerized by their ability to hypnotize you with a few quick glances. check mate.

Could it be that you view her as a trophy woman who is in demand and therefore a prop to your ego? I could imagine that if you entered into a relationship with her, when the honeymoon ended the sparks would really begin to fly. Not a good match.

masquerade wrote:Could it be that you view her as a trophy woman who is in demand and therefore a prop to your ego? I could imagine that if you entered into a relationship with her, when the honeymoon ended the sparks would really begin to fly. Not a good match.

Yes, probably. I tend to be attracted to the "alpha female" most of the time, i.e., the woman in the room who stands out among all the others and who exudes a power over all the men. I think part of being a Narc is the feeling both that I am entitled to the "best" woman in the room, and also the feeling that I, being better than everyone else, will be viewed by her as her equal, instead of just another mark to dominate and use. Of course, that's all a fantasy created by my ego. I absolutely would be just another mark. I know that intellectually but the little Narc that sits on my shoulder and whispers things in my ear tells me otherwise.

Just curious: everyone always says that Narcs seek to control others. Aren't Histrionics doing the same thing? Don't they also seek to control others using their sexuality and sexual power over other people? Like, when a Histrionic woman seeks supply from a guy, isn't she also seeking to control him through the power she has over him via her good looks and the fact that he wants her? Or am I thinking about this from a Narc point of view?

HPD is on the narcissistic spectrum, so yes, you're right. Their core issue is Attention whereas the NPD's core issue is Admiration. The two disorders can blur into each other sometimes. People with HPD express their emotions and vulnerabilities to a greater degree than narcs, although they quickly reign them back in.

There are similarities, but also differences too.

It's hard to come up with a great analogy, though the 'trophy' imagery made me think of -

One person wanting to win a trophy and show it off to others indefinitely, upfront and prominent, at least until one grows bored with it, and it is moved to the back of the shelf collecting dust in favor of pursuit of the next trophy.

Then there is the trophy, whose bragging right is the number of owners past, and future who desire it.

Yes, an imperfect analogy, but there is something to the idea that people with HPD are willing to objectivity themselves, act/think as 'objects', act as mirrors, engage in acts and impressions, to be what others want them to be, if that's what it takes to be admired/affirmed they are valued.

VA Esq
As a narc, you are attracted to who will admire you, often unconditionally, but as a general observation I would repeat what Masque and the others have said above, essentially that many HPD's aren't as easy as some BPD's in terms of unconditional admiration. Indeed the parallel to the BPD woman/NPD man mis-match seems to exist "one notch up" in terms of narcissism: the HPD woman/AsPD man mis-match. But the goal here is to support you in "pushing back" your narcissism, not increasing it to malignant levels.

So anyway yeah you might get her wrapped around your finger, or she will play along for a while, then bite your finger off and leave...Cluster B duo relationships always seem to end up orbiting tighter and tighter around on who is more narcissistic and clever, on who can first wear down whom and get to whom. But all that would thrilling for a couple of months, then unravel into the usual chaos, and in the long term, a disappointing loss for both you and her. Is that all you want to have to remember when you're 80?

Instead, you need to get smitten with a healthy woman who has just the right amount of empathy and healthy narcissism, so that she can show you love, yet won't put up with any NPD BS - because when they finally surrender to your narc ego, you always seem to lose respect for them anyway, correct?

Even though it's fiction, recommend you rent or buy the movie "Cruel Intentions," itself a remake of the classic book/1980's film "Les Liaisons Dangereuses;" the book first written by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos in 1782...in watching the film note how Sebastian (Ryan Phillipe) must face his narcissism and begin to change as he falls in love with Annette (Reese Witherspoon), ..she returns his feelings, yet at the same time she recognizes and resists his narcissistic agenda, so he must change.

But if you can't find your Annette right now, try finding your true self in therapy in the meantime, so when you meet that special lady, you'll have a better chance to really love and appreciate her.

Makes sense?

Best o luck and health,
orion

Orion,

That's an interesting take on things. One thing that would probably put a Narc at odds with a Histrionic is that both of them want to be the "star" of the show, and while a partnership at first seems like it might be beneficial to both so that they could work together to steal the spotlight from everyone else, each one would ultimately probably try to use the other to make him or her the bigger "star" and conflict would erupt quickly. For those who watched the show 30 Rock, it would be like Jack Donaghy (Narcissist) coupling with Jenna Maroney (Histrionic). That match would never work, because both want to be the one in the spotlight. In fact, those two characters would probably strangle each other within a week.

Tell me more about the HPD/AsPD coupling. That's something I hadn't heard of before. It sounds sort of analogous to the infamous NPD/BPD match made in Hell - lol.