lol eyemask on man, proves that i am 'disordered'

I sometimes wonder am I really HP disordered? Even though lots of professionals agreed with it, in real life I don't try to drag attention at all, quiet etc. I don't need people around. I am happier being alone most of times. I try my best to give someone attention/compliments etc and nothing to myself and lots of people have recently mentioned in real life that i am so self-effacing.

but then something happened recently kind of PROVED that i am histrionic disordered to myself

you know the petit plays with your partner...
like putting eyemask on etc.
And I put eye mask on him.... and then in 3 SECONDS(which felt like 30 minutes) i couldn't stand not being looked at so would be like desperate
'take it off! take it off! take it off NOW!'
that he CAN'T see how I look was a pure horror that I couldn't deal with that scary feeling for more than a few seconds. I found this stupid so I tried it again, 'that was stupid lol may be next time i won't mind..'
and told him to put eyemask on,
but even in shorter time I'd be like 'take it off take it off take it off!!!!!!! look at me look at me look at me!'

LOLOL it is a disorder. i felt so f*cked up. Like how come I can't stand a few seconds not being looked LOL I didn't expect that totally.

and even when I don't want him to look at me,
I was like 'I look bad now, look away! don't look at me :/ don't look!'
and if he looks away i'll be instantly very annoyed and will be like
drag attention so he will look at me again. Like I CAN'T STAND THAT STATE of intentionally being not looked at. my body really reacts automatically immediately to the full extent.

DISORDERED.
REALLY DISORDERED.
Can't stand your partner having eyemask on for 30 seconds.

Kind of weird because before it occurs I don't expect anything like that happening. This allergic emotional response about being terrified for not being looked at.

sounds a bit extreme. Never heard of nor witnessed such a situation. I did witness discomfort in my ex when she was not the center of attention, but nothing like you describe, it manifested itself in other ways. Its not because you lost it for a few minutes that you are disordered either. I think what you described is kinda cute actually

Musician924 wrote:sounds a bit extreme. Never heard of nor witnessed such a situation.

Me neither. And yes it was extreme so it was surprising to me too.