Are all histrionics attractive?

Hi I'm new to the forum, and I'm here some months later after a break up with a short but intense relationship with an HPD. One of the questions that comes to mind when trying to understand this disorder if whether all histrionics are attractive. Do they develop HPD because they are attractive enough to use it to their advantage? Where they not attractive, would they have developed something else in order to be able to hold on? May I apologise should someone be hurt or offended by my question, it's definitely not my intention.

Many professionals have observed that HPDs are very physically attractive -above the norm- in terms of what others around them think is attractive. Some go so far as to say that HPD and their ancestors constitute a line of natural selection, in which a superabundance of desirable physical features became concentrated. In other words, they come from a long line of hot looking women (or men), although often that seems to be their only naturally selected trait (i.e., they often aren't very good at raising and nurturing their children).
Additionally, HPDs are often noted to intentionally maintain their attractiveness, spending thousand of dollars per year on clothes, make-up, hair styles, cosmetic surgery, etc. In some HPDs the physical narcissism becomes so intense they adopt children, rather than give natural birth, afraid that childbirth will wreck their figures (Joan Crawford? ...see Mommie Dearest).
Personally, I have always thought that if a girl (or boy) is born with whatever the genetic tendencies for a Cluster B PD is (espec. BPD), and they also happen to be blessed with above average looks, they are primed to become HPD - if additionally one or both parents don't properly nurture them. Once they become aware that people pay attention to them because they are beautiful, it becomes a compulsion in which there is never enough attention, and so they actively work it...securing the attention through active seduction in most situations, including in inappropriate contexts (work, etc.) They also often develop secondary narcissistic traits, based on both the attention of others, as well as a defense mechanism from the frustration they experience due to relationship failures.

Having said, there are other lesser known HPD modalities for getting attention, not based on physical attractiveness and seduction: for those HPDs that get old and lose their attractiveness but not their disorder, or for those HPDs who never were considered attractive by others: for example, feigning illness, even to the point of psychosomatic conditions...i.e. when the illness is believed to exist by the patient, but doctors can find no physical correlations.

I would say no. I'm hpd and would not place myself in the "attractive" category. I know a girl I'm pretty sure is hpd and she isn't physically attractive, per say, but she is SO histrionic, so flashy, so confident, so sexually charged that both boys and girls notice her and from there like her on her own merit. So no, I don't think hpd-ers are across the board (or even mostly) uber attractive, but many of their characteristics are viewed positively (valuing energy, apparent confidence) or get the hpd-er noticed enough to be liked.

-- Wed Mar 27, 2013 12:33 am --

I would say no. I'm hpd and would not place myself in the "attractive" category. I know a girl I'm pretty sure is hpd and she isn't physically attractive, per say, but she is SO histrionic, so flashy, so confident, so sexually charged that both boys and girls notice her and from there like her on her own merit. So no, I don't think hpd-ers are across the board (or even mostly) uber attractive, but many of their characteristics are viewed positively (valuing energy, apparent confidence) or get the hpd-er noticed enough to be liked.

My mother has either BPD or HPD, maybe both, I don't know.

I have been diagnosed with Abandonment Anxiety, but after my mother's diagnosis I can't help wondering if I am a BPD too, or learned/inherited some of her traits.

At any rate my mother, myself and my sisters are all tall natural blondes, with large breasts, slender arms and very long legs. We have sort of feline-shaped eyes that attract a lot of attention.

(Not bragging - on the downside, when we gain weight we gain it in our abdomens. Not a good look.)

We all have different "styles." One sister is very preppy, one sister is a sort of earthy hippie girl, my mother fake bakes and bleaches her already blonde-hair almost white, and I myself went for the pale skin/dark hair/red lips burlesque look until recently, when I quit dyeing my hair. Now I look like I belong on a Viking ship. My sisters and I don't fuss over our appearance much beyond the occasional salon trip, but my mother has spent thousands and thousands of dollars, including my sister's child support money, on a whole houseful of clothing, jewelry and shoes, not to mention twice-monthly bleach jobs and perms and fake tans. We are all considered striking to some degree, and we all have BPD/HPD traits. I don't think that HPDs are all necessarily good looking - I think they need so much attention that they go much further out of their way to appear attractive than a "normal" person would do. Almost everyone has at least a few attractive features, and HPDs are so in need of admiration and attention that they will learn to play up these features and play down their flaws.

I don't know if it is that HPD's are more naturally attractive - but the ones I know put SO much effort into their appearance in terms of fussing over their makeup, clothes, hair etc. that they might seem more attractive and pulled together than others. I had an HPD friend who would spend HOURS getting ready before she would go out.. she was an attractive girl and very well put together - but I found it off putting how much attention she gave to her appearance.

My sister is like this too - we are twins and look very similar, but I have always felt my sister is more polished and attractive than me. Over the years I have watched her spend thousands of dollars on beauty treatments, cosmetics, hair treatments etc. etc. I like to look nice too, but I don't put in nearly the amount of effort and money that she does. This is something she has always made fun of me for - that I am sloppy, shabby etc. etc. The thing is, those times I DO look nice, she seems to get mad. She has always been slightly heavier than me but a few years ago, she really put on some weight around the same time that I ended up losing some weight because of the nature of my work. It really magnified her weight gain and ever since then she has made comments on how I must be anorexic or have some kind of weight issue.

If she thinks she doesn't look good, she becomes OBSESSED about it. For example, last year, we were going to a wedding together. She got dressed in the morning and looked really nice but became obsessed with the idea that her outfit made her look a little too heavy. It didn't - she looked fine, but she has this thing about how she can look a little chesty and will go on and on and on about it. Right as we were about to get in the car, she decided she HAD to change so she went back inside and we ended up being really late to the wedding. But to her, the possibility of not looking her absolute best was worse than anything else.

So I think it has to do with the effort that HPD's put into their appearance - it can be the most important thing to them so they will spend way more time and money than a non-HPD might. If I spent that much time on my appearance, I would probably look much better too!

The woman I know who I suspect is hpd is very attractive. A well put together package that she maintains to perfection.
It's been my thought that the behavior is direct result of the looks...If she wasn't so attractive men in general would loose interest quickly, basically she doesn't have to play by any rules because the next guy is a smile and flirt away.

I've known a few who were beautiful PHYSICALLY.


I would say there are types.............


Beauty Queen HPD

Wild-child HPD

Poor/sick HPD

Superman HPD

And my HPD cycled through the first 3.........

I would imagine it's not all "lifestyle" so to speak...

- Labor.

-- Wed Apr 03, 2013 8:51 am --

twin_a wrote:My sister is like this too - we are twins and look very similar, but I have always felt my sister is more polished and attractive than me. Over the years I have watched her spend thousands of dollars on beauty treatments, cosmetics, hair treatments etc. etc. I like to look nice too, but I don't put in nearly the amount of effort and money that she does. This is something she has always made fun of me for - that I am sloppy, shabby etc. etc. The thing is, those times I DO look nice, she seems to get mad. She has always been slightly heavier than me but a few years ago, she really put on some weight around the same time that I ended up losing some weight because of the nature of my work. It really magnified her weight gain and ever since then she has made comments on how I must be anorexic or have some kind of weight issue.

question, is physical beauty for you a "value"?

- Labor.

I think it is interesting that twins, same parents, very similar in appearance, can end up having such different personalities. Makes you really go hmm about the nature vs nurture debates.

thisislabor wrote:I would imagine it's not all "lifestyle" so to speak...

- Labor.

-- Wed Apr 03, 2013 8:51 am --

twin_a wrote:My sister is like this too - we are twins and look very similar, but I have always felt my sister is more polished and attractive than me. Over the years I have watched her spend thousands of dollars on beauty treatments, cosmetics, hair treatments etc. etc. I like to look nice too, but I don't put in nearly the amount of effort and money that she does. This is something she has always made fun of me for - that I am sloppy, shabby etc. etc. The thing is, those times I DO look nice, she seems to get mad. She has always been slightly heavier than me but a few years ago, she really put on some weight around the same time that I ended up losing some weight because of the nature of my work. It really magnified her weight gain and ever since then she has made comments on how I must be anorexic or have some kind of weight issue.

question, is physical beauty for you a "value"?

- Labor.

I think physical beauty is something to think about - but it is not THE most important thing to me. I think things like personality etc. also make up someone's overall attractiveness. I've met people who I thought were very physically beautiful, but once I got to know how ugly their personality's were, I did not find them so attractive. Also vice versa with people who might not be objectively beautiful but have very good personalities - they seem more attractive once you get to know that.

I think it's okay to want to be physically attractive but not if it is at the expense of other things or something that you get really hung up on. I don't feel the need to get constant reassurance. If my husband or someone else says I look beautiful, I say thanks and feel nice about myself and then move on. My sister will make a big deal out of the comment and ask them to go into more detail about why she is so beautiful etc. until it gets tiresome. She will remember the comment and repeat it back to others. I enjoy going out and buying a lipstick or some nice clothes from time to time. But I will make sure I can pay things like my bills, taxes etc. first. My sister will spend thousands of dollars on cosmetics and beauty treatments, and then cry poor when it comes to her bills.

-- Wed Apr 03, 2013 9:42 am --

xdude wrote:I think it is interesting that twins, same parents, very similar in appearance, can end up having such different personalities. Makes you really go hmm about the nature vs nurture debates.

Ha yes, this is something that drives me crazy. For much of my early life, I assumed I was a lot like my sister because we were twins, had similar upbringings etc. It didn't help that my sister projects onto me a lot and that I used to react very badly to her. As I got older, I heard from more and more people how different we are - and I always felt a tremendous sense of relief. I used to worry that people were just being nice to me but I'm beginning to believe they really mean that now and feel better about myself. But sometimes I can overcompensate by trying really hard NOT to be self centered/attention seeking because I worry that I am like my sister.

My husband is always saying he doesn't understand how we are so different since we are twins, had the same parents etc. I just don't know - my parents always treated us like we were different people but they were very fair about everything and overall, they were very very good parents. The only thing they did wrong was die young - but that was something that affected both me and my sister. I guess it might have affected us differently - or taken what were small differences and magnified them.

It's such a relief to know that just because I am her twin does not mean I am like her. I have been worrying about that for most of my life and I'm just starting to get over it.