Another Sad Story

Hi Guys,

I have been reading this forum on and off for over a week now.

It will be hard to me to describe what happened since I'm still trying to digust it all myself.

There was this AMAZING GORGEOUS girl who looked like a cross between Angelina Jolie and Scarlette Johanson. It was too good to be true. I always knew it. I felt it.

just a little about myself. Started university 2 years ago because I desperately wanted a career change. I have always been a loner, this was my first long term relationship with a girl, I had never been with a girl ever actually. I had plenty of girl friends but never wanted to belong to a club that would have someone like me for a member...

Anyway, here was my chance, this girl was smart, scored straight As in her A Levels and was also into literature supposedly. We exchanged notes, I called her because I was having "trouble" with poetry. We started exchanging text messages and talked about each other. I was excited, this was to be my first conquest. And I really thought she was the most perfect woman ever. Had all the qualities you would desire in a partner.

I am an atheist however, have been since sixteen and I always thought religion has a lot of influence on how you view the world. So even though I knew she was not an atheist I continued, I would change her I said. Anyway, somehow, I was too scarred to really give myself completely to this girl. Apart from her being so good looking, I was not really sure about committing emotionally to someone...Also, I didn't want to talk about religion and would never think of being in a relationship with a person who believed those things.

One day I receive a message abotu her being depressed, I asked why, I told her I loved her too and its natural to feel this way.

At this point, I stepped up and wanted to move this relationship forward, so I told her I'm an atheist and can't really connect to her at all, and I'm not even sure what she would think of me if she found this out later. She was supposedly very religious, would pray for hours...I told her i didn't want to hurt her later if she didn't approve (which was true). She said it didn't matter to her and so on. so I felt ok, we started talking over the phone and i treated her well and we moved forward. a few weeks later, we had a talk about religion and we talked all night, she said she will think about it and do research.

I think she just wanted me to be with her in university.

i feel she did all this because she wanted to continue univeristy...im telling her now to come back to university.i think she wants to come back but i can't imagine ...
I don't know what to do now.

Hi Hasan
We don't know if she has a problem...if she wants to find out she should see a good professional.
This could all be some kind of Cluster B Personality Disordered behaviors, or lesser traits, which a lot of 'normal' people exhibit, especially in adolescence and post-adolescence. That determination is best left to a professional psychologist or psychiatrist, to avoid labeling, and subsequent harmful self-fulfilling schemas.

If you are no longer romantically involved with her just be a platonic friend to her, and support her in that manner.


In any case, let us know how things turn out for you and your friend.

صلح
Orion

Maybe because I'm personality disordered my response will be weird. So here it goes: if you didn't want to carry on a relationship, why do you care if she did the same thing to you?

anxietykiller wrote:Maybe because I'm personality disordered my response will be weird. So here it goes: if you didn't want to carry on a relationship, and you thought you were using her and stringing her along, why do you care if she did the same thing to you?

I thought there was something wrong with ME and that thought she will eventually grow out of this obsessive phase.

Also, since we are in the same class. I knew for sure that if I ended the relationship she would quit university

orion8591 wrote:Hi Hasan

These characteristics could all be some kind of Cluster B Personality Disordered behaviors, or lesser traits, which a lot of 'normal' people exhibit, especially in adolescence and post-adolescence. That determination is best left to a professional psychologist or psychiatrist, to avoid labeling, and subsequent harmful self-fulfilling schemas.

If you are no longer romantically involved with her just be a platonic friend to her, and support her in that manner.



In any case, let us know how things turn out for you and your friend.

صلح
Orion

Hi Orion,
She liked the school because all the older teachers there treated her like their daughter (this is what she said) and really cared for her. I think her need for approval probably started with her relationship with her mother?

to some extent, her needs to seem natural to me. She felt trapped and unappreciated at school and at home .

I actually told her that we will still be best friends and talk but not to talk about "love".

Her favorite book gives me an idea as to where she gets her ideas.

I have been speaking to her during the last couple of days and just exchanged text messages tonight. I think she is happy right now,
I did tell her everything I had been thinking. But I think it made her realize she can be honest with me about her feelings. I also felt this in her text messages, when she wasn't trying as hard as before. I've told her I don't want a relationship but I'll still be friends with her and stick with her in university.