Love, complicated subject. Illogical.

I met a wonderful guy. He is so handsome, sweet, nice, fun, genuine, loves me, understanding.... We had a few dates and had wonderful time. Just a few dates.

but I have an online bf, and I love him. He loves me so much to. And, in the name of love, I ended the relationship with this handsome guy in real life. You should be 'faithful' and 'old love' is good, isn't it. my online bf had been so loving/supportive toward me.

but I have never met this online bf in real life, we live so far away, different countinents, but we'd meet soon, but after that? ...we don't know, like we probably have to work in different country etc... he says, "if geogrpahyic problem can't be solved, we should just break up at that time." He said it right after I ended relationship with this perfect guy in real life. LOL


I don't know, it feels weird. I think what I did is stupid in 'objective' perspective. I missed a great guy who wanted to be with me for long long long time and who could be with me, hug me, care about me,
to be with some guy online with whose relationship might end in one or two years.

but I feel like I did something right. Because... I love my online bf and he loves me. Even if we can' be together later...
I formely could never understand this kind of concept. Like, a relationship that's bound to end and you are going to be abandoned? Why waste a breath to such kind of relationship? But my bf always persuaded me, it still worth it if love is there, even if you can't be together forever, just being togerher while it's still possible is good.
and I kind of can understand it now.

Love is illogical.


what do you think about my decision?

YYYYY wrote: what do you think about my decision?

Choosing to have an internet "all loving" relationship, with someone you never met before, nor unlikely will ever meet vs. having a "real" relationship with someone in the "real world", makes no sense to me.

But I do understand why you would choose the computer guy...YYYYY. It is Illogical , but logical given you are disordered.

OK, 5Y, this is a month after your original post, but I just read it and found it fascinating. I am wondering why you would feel more bond to a bf who you have never met in person vs. giving someone who is more available in person a chance? Is it a reluctance to be "too close" -- that is, intimacy or commitment fear/avoidance? Because my ex-gf broke up with me for her former roommate who was moving states away. She considers herself with him, though she has off and on attempted to garner my attention again since then. When I question it, and say, well I'm here and he's not, she gets upset and says she loves him...like the more I doubt their relationship, the more she wants to prove it is legitimate. So, I just don't get this "being with" someone long distant when you could or did have something worthwhile with someone present and near.

I think in many ways it's "practical" for a person with HPD traits to chose to get attached to an online person.

> You getting attention from other men can go virtually unseen and you don't have to deal with the consequences of hurting the online person / breaking their heart and pretend as if nothing with little friction
> Anyone can appear perfect online, no one is perfect in real life, and even the most perfect person on earth does not fit the irrational image an HPD has of their "perfect man". It's easier not to devalue someone you don't have much physical contact with: The information exchange with a person you see every day is a level of magnitude greater than someone online (you can infer things from the tone of their voice, their facial expressions while speaking, and when not speaking to them you can observe their behavior towards you, towards others or when they are alone). Not to devalue them you'd have to constantly go through some intensive reality remodeling in your head to make yourself believe they still fit the irrational "perfect man" image in your head that has no equivalent in reality, and that would drain a lot of mental energy from you. With a person you don't live with, you have less information and thus less remodeling to do in order to stay in the "idealization" phase.
> While you may be emotionally dependent on them, you are not as much dependent in many other aspects, so your fear of abandonment is lesser
> You don't fully "have them" and so you don't have to try to ruin things as much out of your fear of attachment