I HATE YOU ALL. do I?

Another time you can see the stare is those rare moments when they themselves are aware of their unacceptable side, their "badness"- then they drop the sweet routine and you only see the cold hate that's underneath. (Maybe those moments are the same as the forgot-the-lines moments?)

histrionic-personality/topic31623.html?hilit=sweet routine cold

yes. usually I am sweet. very.
but beneath it there is cold hate.
but i am not sure. do i really hate people?
it is actually self-hate being displaced
but I have no idea. may be I really hate you all. the world that dumped me and attacked me.
my bf thinks i am actually sweet but tries to be poisonous.

let us have some discussion. hpds.... do we hate people even when we dont realize it?
or do we love people as we appear to be? ha

They say that the opposite of love is indifference, and not hatred. Hatred, when directed towards those who we don't know and have therefore done us no personal harm is usually displaced, and it can actually be a manifestation of anger. People who hate, whether disordered or not, are usually angry and most anger arises because we perceive that we have been let down in some way, either by something that someone has done to us, or has not done for us by letting us down. Resentment and hatred are closely entwined, and resentment can often be a by product of envy. We may resent those who we perceive have something that we do not. Hatred can also be internalised and directed towards ourselves, usually because of the messages that we have received from our care givers as children.

What is the cure for hatred? Speaking to a therapist can help us to discover its origins, and work through the uncomfortable and painful emotions related to it, and help us to put things in a perspective that helps us. A good therapist can help us by validating our emotions, whether they are anger, unhappiness, or hatred. Hatred isn't a pleasant feeling, and ultimately it causes a person to self destruct. Perhaps the biggest antidote to hatred is learning to love ourselves in the way that we were meant to as children, and by doing so we can learn true compassion towards others.

yYyYy wrote:my bf thinks i am actually sweet but tries to be poisonous.

your boyfriend has emotional issues same as you. your in a relationship ... it happens.

- Labor.

YYYYY
Masquerade wrote

People who hate, whether disordered or not, are usually angry and most anger arises because we perceive that we have been let down in some way, either by something that someone has done to us, or has not done for us by letting us down.

I think at least some personality disordered people often had issues with one or both parents. When you are a child and you have been abused, you are at first disappointed with the parent(s) or other caretaker(s) that abused and mistreated you. But for obvious reasons of power and authority that some authoritarian or uncaring parents and guardians relish over their children, this disappointment cannot be expressed by the child, and so it becomes resentment, then anger, and finally, hate...hate for a parent, yet even in young adulthood a hate that is still more easily scattered and dissipated onto the world and it's unknown people...people who didn't have to endure what you did, people who don't readily grasp the important and serious nature of your problems (and therefore, whom you come to believe -mistakenly- don't seem to care).

For those who were so abused, true healing begins in therapy when they identify who it was (or is) who mistreated and abused them as a child, and when the boundaries of resentment and hate are properly reduced to those who were truly responsible, instead of the grandiose accusation of all the world (and the often caring people that you don't even know).

And beyond that, much more: learning to forgive, and moving on with your life.

May it be so.

yYyYy wrote:yes. usually I am sweet. very.
but beneath it there is cold hate.
but i am not sure. do i really hate people?
it is actually self-hate being displaced
but I have no idea. may be I really hate you all. the world that dumped me and attacked me.
my bf thinks i am actually sweet but tries to be poisonous.

let us have some discussion. hpds.... do we hate people even when we dont realize it?
or do we love people as we appear to be? ha

Lots of things can be displaced. I'm aware of one thing which i reverse/displace. It isn't self-hate though, as people go, there isn't an ounce of self-hate in me.

Its interesting how you presume to know what your bf thinks. so either he has told you what he thinks, or you are attempting to mindread, or you are not really talking about the situation round the way you say you are. which could be considered a "passive-agressive" method of communication. Ahh choices.... oh wait, isn't it your perogative to decide what you are thinking not mine... ?

yyy

I think it's a positive matter that you're becoming aware of new feelings that have likely always been there, but have been suppressed.

From another point of view all of us having feelings, and they are just feelings. Love/Hate can be fairly strong and extreme feelings, but they are still just feelings. I have feelings, you have them, everyone does. For us to be at peace we need to be in touch with them, but they aren't magical. They are still just feelings and everyone has mixed feelings of liking/loving aspects of others, and disliking/even-hating aspects of others. Often we're not very good at liking/loving ourselves, but also we're often not very good at seeing as others see us, including the not so likeable aspects of our personalities.

I guess a big problem for people with HPD is they often have trouble with feeling the full range of their emotions, so tend to classify how they feel about others into simple all or nothing bins, extremes like Love/Hate. Or they confuse the impressions they are trying to make on others with how they really feel; likewise are confused by the impressions they receive from others with how others really feel? Emotions beyond that are often painful, confusing, hard to accept?

All in all though, I do think it's great that you're becoming aware that there are more feelings under the surface then simply loving everyone. People with HPD don't simply love everyone. There is a big difference between love and how we treat others over the long run, and acting like what others want us to be (or think they want us to be) for their approval.