Is my GF histrionic? What can I do to help/support?

I've been noticing a pattern in my GF's behavior that concerns me a bit. I've been by her side as she's been through the best and worst times of her life, and I notice some things that might be evident of her being histrionic. She has been formally diagnosed with depression as a teenager by a psychiatrist (she doesn't go to a therapist or psychiatrist anymore, it's been years.)

Some stuff that I think might be indicative of HPD (I am JUST learning about this though, so forgive me if these are completely off)
- she tends to be manipulative, not only with me, but with some close friends. She will say things (to me) like "You're SUPPOSED to be my BF!" and stuff to guilt trip people.
- she also demands a lot of attention and reassurance. She has issues with trusting that I love her, I tell her as much as possible but she needs it a lot. Also, she wants me to constantly check up on her. Sometimes if I don't give her enough attention, she 'acts out' by being angry, giving me the silent treatment or storming off.
- she is overly concerned about how she is perceived by others. She'll ask me to check her texts, emails, etc to make sure she 'doesn't sound dumb' even if it's something simple like "Here's the attached homework, have a great weekend". Even with clothes, she always asks my opinion but gets upset when I say I don't really care, it's up to you to wear what makes you happy. She also cannot take criticism very well (even ones that are meant to be constructive.)
- I get blamed a lot for every disagreement we have. It's always "you SHOULD'VE KNOWN that I wanted you to do this" or "this wouldn't have happened if you just knew" or "This always happens because you never _____" She never admits faults. Even if it's with other people (she can't be openly mad with them, she is quite passive aggressive in being 'mad' at others, only with me she can yell/complain/silent treatments, etc.) she is always right, never wrong. If I even try to be rational and try to give her an outside perspective that disagrees with her, she says I'm always supposed to be on her side no matter what. She is always a victim.
- Similarly to that^ she always likes to tell people about her hardship stories. She likes the attention and maybe even the pity party. She always thinks people are trying to '1 up' her too.
- If we do argue, the conversations never end. There is no real resolution, only when I just say I'm sorry. She never thinks she is at fault so she rarely apologizes.
- She was a bit of a bully in high school. Not a big one, but among friends, she would pick on people, or physically drag/push you.
- Tendency to overreact/overthink. She stresses too much over small things (like "What did she MEAN by that?" or "Why does my professor hate me????") Then she makes this a whole dramatic deal where she can't stop thinking or analyzing and it only stops when someone (usually me, her confidant) validates her and reassures her ("no, i don't think your professor hates you, etc etc.") Sometimes she uses others for validation too.
- Impulsive. She does things on a whim, not really thinking about consequences.
- Entitlement? I'm not sure if this is part of HPD, but sometimes especially with her parents, she acts very spoiled and like she deserves more. A new car, vacations expenses paid by them, gas money, etc. She is almost 24 years old and refuses to work a job 'beneath her.'
- She has told me many times she only keeps certain people around to use such as for job opportunities, free things, etc. She is a bit of a fake. She also brags a lot to her friends and gets super upset/jealous when someone does better than her. I know it's natural to have some competitive attitude (it' can drive you to do better) but hers is crippling, to the point where she gets depressed about herself and unmotivated.
- A few times she has said 'I would DIE if you broke up with me'
- She has jumped from relationship to relationship before. She really hates being alone. She enjoys being someone's center of attention (like mine) and gets jealous sometimes if I spend more time with family.


The only big thing that stands out and goes against HPD signs is the fact that she is not promiscuous, seductive, or behaving provocatively. She is actually quite the opposite and dresses very covered up (jeans and t shirt girl). She does like to shop and cares about clothes but not low cut/exposing type of clothes. She has some body image issues but not an eating disorder or anything- just a lot of complaining.

How do I support her through this? Is this even HPD or just some kind of emotional abuse? The reason I think it might be a personality disorder is because of her upbringing/childhood and the fact that I'm noticing a pattern, but I don't want to confront her about anything until I get some other opinions since she's quite sensitive.

Only a professional can diagnose HPD and this would take some time, possibly more than one visit and a detailed psychiatric evaluation. Having said that, you have recognised what you perceive to be traits at the very least, and whether or not they are a part of a disorder, something is very off about the relationship. Suggesting that she seeks therapy may help, but in order for her to benefit from it she really would need to agree that she needs therapy. A therapist's job is not to cure - the patient or client does most of the work under the guidance of the therapist and this can be painful and drawn out.

Your feelings are important, and so are your reactions to this relationship. Is there a danger that you can find yourself engulfed, with no respect for your opinions and feelings? You can't fix your girlfriend. You can only work on yourself, and your own feelings. Therapy can help you to decide where you go from here,whether you want to remain in this relationship or not.

Being on the non side of things, we don't dx them for "them", rather, we choose to believe or disbelieve (not a dx...no need for a dx when you are determining if someone whom you're in a relationship is disordered) they are disordered based upon our intimate/behind closed doors experiences with them that even a trained professional is not aware of.

There are some prominent Hpders here who were not dxed by a professional, and yet no one has questioned them for not being authentc hpders. If we all needed a professional to convince us people we know so well (our fathers, ex husbands and wifes, girlfriends & boyfriends...etc), we'd most likely still be waiting because we would need to get them to agree that something may be wrong with them and that is not an easy task.

I am not interested in giving attention to either you or your GF.
this kind of thread is repetitive and not even fun to read anymore
being honest, you're welcome, what do you expect from hardcore HPD?
sincere concern/advice/empathy on you?
joke

yyyyy
Thread is not about you. Like HPDs, Nons have a right to their relevant issues. If you cannot respond with more empathy and respect, please do not post on this thread.

Respectfully,
Orion

[edited by orion ]