Silence.... then "Are you mad at me??"

by **Bubblesxo** » Fri Dec 14, 2012 3:07 am

My old roommate always give me the silent treatment if things don't go her way. She had a birthday party for her bf and sent out an email saying it would be in a week. I already had plans for that weekend, so I wrote back that I couldn't attend, but looked forward to meeting up with them another time. She then called me and left me a voicemail saying to call her back. I did, but she wasn't there so I left a voicemail message. Well, I hear nothing for 2 and a half months. So needless to say she's giving me the silent treatment. Yesterday she calls me and asks, "Are you mad at me?"

I didn't know what to say. If I had a dollar for every time SHE has given ME the silent treatment and then turns it around to ME being mad at HER... I could buy my own country!

Is this normal behavior? Why is it turned around and blamed on me? How should I respond when she asks me this?

Good point re: is this HPD related?

Anyway, to varying degrees most of us are inclined to see things from our point of view and believe we are right, the other person is the cause/wrong. In some people though, for various reasons, it goes so far that though they win their battles, they end up losing the war (i.e., you end up not being able to trust them or maintain a relationships because they are so incapable of acknowledging, let along processing their own harmful contribution to what is gone wrong,, that they never learn or mature).

by **Bubblesxo** » Sat Dec 15, 2012 1:49 am

cacster wrote:Interesting story Bubbles... MAy I ask, why have you written it in the HPD forum. Was your old roommate Dx'ed with HPD?

Yes, she was Dx'ed with HPD along with some other cluster B things. I just don't understand why she gives me the silent treatment if something doesn't go her way. Then ignores me. Then calls me, acts like nothing happened and asks if I'm mad at HER. (Um, isn't she mad at me hence the silent treatment?) Then when I see her, she makes passive-aggressive barbs at me. ???? What is going on here? How should it be handled?

by **Atrium** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 1:08 am

Bubblesxo wrote:
cacster wrote:Interesting story Bubbles... MAy I ask, why have you written it in the HPD forum. Was your old roommate Dx'ed with HPD?

Yes, she was Dx'ed with HPD along with some other cluster B things. I just don't understand why she gives me the silent treatment if something doesn't go her way. Then ignores me. Then calls me, acts like nothing happened and asks if I'm mad at HER. (Um, isn't she mad at me hence the silent treatment?) Then when I see her, she makes passive-aggressive barbs at me. ???? What is going on here? How should it be handled?

My sister does this too. Except she doesn't call and ask if I'm mad. She just assumes it when I don't call her up to apologize and break her out of the silent treatment. She becomes the victim. She did it to my dad for 7 years. He's a blow up get mad and the forget about it right after kind of guy. So you can imagine the on going misunderstandings between them. Such a waste of time.

She's not talking to me. It's been 3 years so far. I just don't care anymore. Realized I was happier w/o her and the passive aggressive bs.

I guess you have to decide how important your friendship with her is and then decide how much effort you're willing to put into it. She'll never take accountability so it will be a lot of work. Do you get anything out of the relationship that makes it worth saving?

Best of luck

Silence.... then "Are you mad at me??"

Silence.... then "Are you mad at me??"

ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Silence.... then "Are you mad at me??"

Re: Silence.... then "Are you mad at me??"

Re: Silence.... then "Are you mad at me??"

Re: Silence.... then "Are you mad at me??"

Re: Silence.... then "Are you mad at me??"

Who is online