the most important topic i want to tell people

the topic is that : being psychopathic wouldn' help you in relationship with hpd.

People I meet sometimes talk about this myth and believe in it:
about "how to have a good relationship with HPD"
And I want to emphasie to everyone, that this is totally wrong and never going to work in any good way. other hpds, what would you do if your bf treats you like this? it'd interest me at first for short time but soon i'll walk away without slightest emotional attachment. if there is anything good about this, it would be because i'd be less mean to the man bc i didn't develop any kind of genuine emotional attachment that can make me feel anxious or whatever, but is that good?

(by asphyx)- Never react to their jealousy games or any of her stupid drama games
- Act narcissistic, put your needs above hers and act like you don't care if she is complaining about something
- Be completely emotionally unavailable
- If they don't give you what you want (ie. sex), act completely cold to them and ignore them as punishment
- Give attention to them sparingly, like a treat when they exhibit desired behaviour
- Keep them on their toes by playing little games - point out other girls you find attractive, ignore phone calls from time to time, say you'll call them back but don't, if you're at his/her house just say you're going to the toilet or something and just get up and go home
- Play jealousy games with them, flirt with other girls in front of her and subtly hint about other girls
- Have other girls in your life and let it be known to her. When the HPD 'acts up' and you ignore her, she will think you are with one of these other girls and get insanely jealous and will probably do anything to get your attention back
- Never ever completely fall for them or give any indication that you do care for them on a deep level.[/i]

this is not love. there is nothing real about this kind of relationship.
hpd is developed by lack of love, and you try to make something better in a relationship with her through another abuse and fake and games and tortues put on her?
that is totally wrong.
the magical heal you can use is : love
of course not ONLY 'love' but also
wisdom, understanding, studying, knowledge
and then love. directness. no games. no manipulations. if HPD was your real daughter, would you have treated her in a way mentioned above? 'NEVER completely fall for her' 'do not show her love'
etc?
no. you'd have tried to help her and make her trust the father by all means and love
why? because you love her sincerely and don't want to hurt her.

anyway, conclusion, i can tell everybody with 100% confidence,
don try to use some shallow game tactics to deal with a severely hurt 6 year old girls(in other terms, hpds). USE THE LOVE and HOPE and WISDOM
not ABUSE and GAME and PUNISHMENT
in any case, your relationship experience will be better ultimately by have been sincere and honest
it'd take a lot of courage to be sincere and loving with someone with HPD
you might be scared, then you can run away
but don't try to use abuse tactics to control HPD if you are expecting some nice result from that.
what you will get finally would be, relationship ended and yourself feel like lower human being with your identity+niceness faded away.

sorry it was quite rant.
but i just want to tell anyone that is looking for way to make a relationship with hpd to work out,
dominance game will never do it. stupid love pouring wouldn't do it either.

but love+wisdom+courage altogether would be able to block the holes of the hpd's mind which is usually thought to be never can be filled like ocean can't be filled.
i am sure though 99.9999% of population wouldn't be able to fill the ocean, it's so difficult task to deal with hpd...
but I think there is hope if

1.if you think you are a kind of person who is genuinely pleased by relationship with hpd and affected less by her negative traits
2. if you were aware of her hpd from the start of relationship. it's different to have a poinosonous snake as a pet knowing it is poisonous from start and not knowing.
3.if you have good insight and good knowledge into mental illness stuffs, therefore able to cope with her in a wise/mature way
4.if you think she will be the best girl in your life you'd have no matter as long as she loves you
5. if she knows about her HPD
6. if she experienced something super shocking that influenced her tremendously (like losing someone she really cares about)

ok i am simply describing me... and my experiences

yyyyy -

Hopefully most people agree that being intentionally psychologically abusive is not okay under any circumstances.

Likewise I agree with you that simply placating someone, agreeing with them or never setting one's own boundaries won't work either (i.e., simply 'loving' them no matter what the other person does) as that ends up being abusive toward the partner who then gets walked all over.

In fact everything you wrote applies to relationships in general, HPD or not It just takes a lot more effort when dealing with some who has HPD.

I just got this interesting book, called "Women Who Love Psychopaths, Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm With Psychopaths, Sociopaths, & Narcissists," by Sandra L. Brown, M.A.
Although nowhere in the book does the author mention HPD, or any other disorders on the part of the women who got involved with the ASPD or NPD males, Brown describes character traits of the women involved that remind me of the traits of some of the HPD subtypes:

These women
-were extraverts (HPDs have been described as hypomanics, or extreme extraverts)
-were excitement seeking (for example, the sexual chemistry between them and the ASPD/NPD male was, at least at first, exceptional for many of the women)
-desired "dominant" men
-liked extravagance (i.e., they enjoyed buying things for themselves)
-demonstrated some type of disorderliness (i.e., "free spirits;" one result of which was they were familiar, comfortable with the disorder the ASPD/NPD male created, and therefore they were able function within it, probably assuming the more responsible one within the pair
-were competetive (they enjoyed worthy competitors, and would go head to head in the relationship with the ASPD/NPD male, even long after other women would have fled)
-were impulsive, at least in their initial attraction to the ASPD/NPD male
-had a high investments in relationships (perhaps even given to thinking relationships are more intimate and special, than they actually are - a well-known HPD trait - this deep investment in relationships is also reminiscent of HPD "gregariousness...)"
-deeply attatched in a relationship, which might also be inadvertantly describing the close psychological relationship between HPD, and BPD (?)
-the women were high in sentimentality
-the women were highly empathic, and socially sensitive (conforming to the more dependent HPD subtypes, but also disagreeing with the more narcissistic ones)...often these women wanted to 'save' the ASPD/NPD male, to the point of ignoring their own safety
-the women could not be considered to be princesses or divas; an NPD female, for example, would probably not get along with an ASPD/NPD male in an intimate relationship
-by nature, at first the women's instincts for harm avoidance were low, and only increased once they realized they were in a relationship with a predatory ASPD or NPD partner.

Most of the women were initially thrilled, then begin to have mixed feelings, but it was too late - they had became addicted (enmeshed, or co-dependent?). Finally, they either ran for their lives, or were abandoned. PTSD was a common post- syndrome many experienced, in some cases years after the end of the relationship ended.

Anyhow, I thought Brown's analysis of the women she interviewed was an interesting 'compare and contrast' exercise with what I knew about HPD traits.

So, IMO, "Women Who Love Psychopaths..." is a must-read for any woman with hybristophillic tendencies, or for any woman who thinks she might be tangled up in a random relationship with ASPD or NPD males like those described in the book..

YYYYY those relationship values you mentioned

LOVE and HOPE and WISDOM

love+wisdom+courage

are goals worthy of your emerging true self.

These women
-were extraverts (HPDs have been described as hypomanics, or extreme extraverts)
-were excitement seeking (for example, the sexual chemistry between them and the ASPD/NPD male was, at least at first, exceptional for many of the women)
-desired "dominant" men
-liked extravagance (i.e., they enjoyed buying things for themselves)
-demonstrated some type of disorderliness (i.e., "free spirits;" one result of which was they were familiar, comfortable with the disorder the ASPD/NPD male created, and therefore they were able function within it, probably assuming the more responsible one within the pair
-were competetive (they enjoyed worthy competitors, and would go head to head in the relationship with the ASPD/NPD male, even long after other women would have fled)
-were impulsive, at least in their initial attraction to the ASPD/NPD male
-had a high investments in relationships (perhaps even given to thinking relationships are more intimate and special, than they actually are - a well-known HPD trait - this deep investment in relationships is also reminiscent of HPD "gregariousness...)"
-deeply attatched in a relationship, which might also be inadvertantly describing the close psychological relationship between HPD, and BPD (?)
-the women were high in sentimentality
-the women were highly empathic, and socially sensitive (conforming to the more dependent HPD subtypes, but also disagreeing with the more narcissistic ones)...often these women wanted to 'save' the ASPD/NPD male, to the point of ignoring their own safety
-the women could not be considered to be princesses or divas; an NPD female, for example, would probably not get along with an ASPD/NPD male in an intimate relationship
-by nature, at first the women's instincts for harm avoidance were low, and only increased once they realized they were in a relationship with a predatory ASPD or NPD partner.

Most of the women were initially thrilled, then begin to have mixed feelings, but it was too late - they had became addicted (enmeshed, or co-dependent?). Finally, they either ran for their lives, or were abandoned. PTSD was a common post- syndrome many experienced, in some cases years after the end of the relationship ended.

Anyhow, I thought Brown's analysis of the women she interviewed was an interesting 'compare and contrast' exercise with what I knew about HPD traits.

Wow, Orion! This is an uncanny description of the dynamics that existed between me and my ex.

I've noticed similarities between myself (BPD) and HPD folks.
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