How normal are they?

I think with most people they act normally and in fact have a positive reputation for being outgoing, bubbly and fun. It's only with their victims that they're mean.

They try and be really nice with most people, like their friends. But is it just drama?

It's not obvious to most that they're suffering from a PD. None of their behaviour in front of their colleagues/friends is weird.

"I think with most people they act normally and in fact have a positive reputation for being outgoing, bubbly and fun. It's only with their victims that they're mean."

Yeah pretty much.

They only put on their act for people that still serve a useful purpose for them or as a friendly sociopath once told me "provide a service."

"They try and be really nice with most people, like their friends. But is it just drama?"

Its narcissistic supply.

The HPD is looking for a mirror like the narcissist and finds that mirror in other people's reactions.

They do whatever it takes to provoke the reaction in their friends that they want to believe about themselves in that moment.

If its the want to feel sexy they might perform a sex act or just outright have sex with one of their guy "friends" and if they want to feel like they are funny they do anything to make their group of friends (really just objects because HPDs objectify everyone) laugh.

They can't feel funny or sexy or anything else by telling themselves they are they need people's reactions to their behaviour to feel this stuff.

So they use people and put on a performance to get what they want.

No one is exempt from being used by an HPD but their main partners feel it the worst.

"It's not obvious to most that they're suffering from a PD. None of their behaviour in front of their colleagues/friends is weird."

Cluster B's wear a very effective mask of sanity most of the time which explains this.

Over time friends pick up on something being slightly off with these people but their lovers/partners whatever you call them find out quickly something serious is wrong with them when they try to get close by establishing true love and intimacy and the HPD retreats or gets rid of them entirely leaving their victim hurt or crushed.

Anonymous wrote:I think with most people they act normally and in fact have a positive reputation for being outgoing, bubbly and fun. It's only with their victims that they're mean.

They try and be really nice with most people, like their friends. But is it just drama?

It's not obvious to most that they're suffering from a PD. None of their behaviour in front of their colleagues/friends is weird.

I fully agree with you. I'm a sufferer myself and most of the time people tell me how sweet and kind I am. But as I know what's wrong with me I can sometimes control my behavior. For me it's not so much drama I just want to be accepted and loved.
Even I'm nice with people most of the time I can't bond with them. My relationships with others are very superficial.
But with my hubby I can be a real bastard i.e. cheating and lying.

Sarina

Hi Sarina,
Everyone wants to be liked and accepted.
I wonder how we would be as people, if, we took say a year of our lives out and walked around and never spoke to anyone, or stayed in some kind of isolation, where we were totally ignored, so had no reaction to anything we did, from anyone.
Communication and interaction are a part of everyday life and have been since we found as babies, that smiling at someone made them smile back at you, and that in turn, made you feel good.

So Sarina, why treat your hubby so bad? Is it because he tolerates it? If he left you, how would you feel? Would you then blame the world saying that you knew you were right and that he would leave you anyway?
Why would he stay when there are people out there who he could have a relationship with that wouldnt treat him so bad, and would be loving? So arent you setting yourself up for a big catch 22?
Say he decided to cheat and lie to you for a while, then you found out about it - how would it make you feel?? Would you stay with him, or leave?
Then, say you decided to stay, and he decided he was gonna do it again - how would it make you feel, would you stay or would you leave?

Her husband is physically abusive starz.

He doesn't deserve her but the idea behind what you are saying is right.

If she ever leaves him and starts a new relationship it should be with a good man who she will not cheat on and who does not cheat on her.

KontrollerX wrote:Her husband is physically abusive starz.

That's right. Do you guys know how it feels to get beaten by someone who suppose to love you. Who comes home after a night out and drags you out the bed and slaps you all over. Stabs your dog when your dog tries to protect himself. Locks me in when we have a xmas party at work. Doesn't care how much he drinks even after discussing how much his drinking and violent behaviour hurts me. Doesn't care when a neighbor calls the military police to come to arrest him. Is overly jealous about me and says things if he can't have me he's gonna kill me so no one can't have me then. Loses his rank due drinking and assaultive behaviour towards the military police and blames my cheating for this. Doesn't seem to learn from his mistakes.
I can fully understand my cheating plays a part but he was violent before that as well, but I didn't want to call off the weddings.
Of course he can be nice as well and esp. after all those beatings buying gifts and other stuff. But I don't understand why he always blames me about everything. Why he's always so angry and fed up with everything?
He knows how I am but still wants to be with me. And why I always go back to him?
He's English and I'm Finnish. He's in England at the moment and I'm in Finland, but he wants me to move to England to be with me. And bring the dogs as well. I don't really know what to do, any ideas??

Just answer this question.

Why are you still with him if he´s so bad to you?

New Order wrote:Just answer this question.

Why are you still with him if he´s so bad to you?

This is a really good question. I have to think about it.

New Order look up Stockholm Syndrome.

There is your answer.

KontrollerX wrote:"I think with most people they act normally and in fact have a positive reputation for being outgoing, bubbly and fun. It's only with their victims that they're mean."

Can someone, if Kontroller X is still on here that would be great, please further explain the way that HPD sufferers are mean to their "victim" and so nice to everyone else around them? I believe I am the victim in a situation like this. It's hard for anyone else to see how this woman could be so mean and awful to me because to everyone else she only shows sweetness and kindess.