Why??

I've been diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder and I can't understand why all these angry posts. I am so sorry we have caused you so much suffering, but do you think we have chosen our illness! It is as painful for me as it is for you and I don't mean to hurt people (esp. my hubby) but that's the only way I've learned to treat people in the past and now.

Person with this disorder always comes from very traumatic background and his or hers early trust has been shattered in many ways. Like mine where my mum has denied all her feelings for me and only she did was to shout at me all the time. My dad has always been very very distant, no support or anything else. My dad is only interested in his own needs and I don't think he likes me very much because I've been so difficult child. I used to get bullied at school, at home and so on so I learned to lie, steal and make up stories just to get some attention. When I got a little bit older I noticed that I can put my arms around some blokes and learned to flirt and to be very seductive. So that way I can control people. I've been so hurt in the past that I can't express true feelings, that's why I appear very shallow.
I have had about 200 sexual partners in my life (I'm 30 yrs) and I've been cheating on my hubby because I can't trust anybody.
My only interest in life is the way I look (I've had some plastic surgery done to me) but nothing satisfy me, NOTHING! I don't even know myself and I can be anything you want me to be. I'm very talkative and emotional (i.e. I love to hug people all the time), sometimes over the moon when meeting new people and the new people often tell me how kind and sweet I am. Sometimes I just feel I can "love" just anybody and give kisses and hugs. I get hurt or emotional very easily and especially watching the news about war or homeless children brings me into tears. Sometimes especially when someone really close to me is going to leave (because they've had enough of my behavior) me I become very suicidal (I cut myself) or take an overdose.
Most of the time I just feel really ugly and empty. I have to get some attention just to feel I exist.

That's my post - I just forgot to register!

Sarina5 not all of us here are ready to bash and run everyone in the ground that has HPD. I myself do not have it but my wife of 13 years does, or so we believe? She does have all the symptoms. I have no idea what to do to help her and from all I have read and heard it sounds so hopeless, but I not going to stop fighting for her! I now understand and so does she that this is not something she could have controlled and our past is something that no matter what I did for her could have ever stopped all the cheating she did and other hurtful things. It does not make it any easier on myself knowing that the things she did was not something she truly wanted to do but it does make it so I do not hate her for what she has done. I think it takes someone with a very strong heart to stay with a person with HPD and help them fight it, and I think most of the people bashing are having normal feelings any one would have. Take what they say with a grain of salt, you know the amount of pain HPD can do to another person and the kind of pain HPD delivers (cheating, lying ect.) are things most people will not deal with for a second. I do not know the ins and outs of everyone’s story on this board but what I have gathered is most of them saw the lies and stuff pretty quickly and did not have years invested with the HPD person, (just my guess). I think that this makes a big difference in how the relationship will handle all of it. I know I have 13 years invested with two wonderful children, and yes all of what my wife has done kills me, but I made a vow to her and I will stick by her until I guess my bottle gets full? The past year has been so hard on me finding out all of what my wife has done that I was not aware of and the thought that she was just a whore out screwing anyone because I did not do something right, or was not enough for her was driving me mad. Finding out about this disorder and putting two and two together has made my life a lot better, granted I may be one of the lucky ones who’s spouse has come to her senses about all of this as well and for the past 6 years has not had any affairs and has done a lot of changing and now what we deal with most of the time is her not showing her emotions to me and putting me ahead of herself, but when I tell her she stops and thinks about it and then sees what she is doing wrong and works on it, and I help her. I do not know if this monster that was once inside her could ever come back and I am not sure if at some point I do just give up and move on, but what I do know right now is I do love her and I am a strong and devoted man to her and I do not want to see her ruin her life or mine any longer. I am not co dependent on her or nor do I enjoy being treated like dirt, I am just a selfless person that cares more about my wife then I do myself and as long as we work together I believe we can beat this monster and have the life we wanted to have. I do not know if you are still with your hubby, but if you are he is going to be your strongest alley in this if he chooses to be. You are also going to have to work very hard to help him and show him that what you have done had nothing to with him, show him that he is the most important man in the world to you and that no one else meant $#%^! I know this will be very hard for you because you will have to do things and show him feelings you are not familiar with showing and giving to another person. You are going to have to make your life about him and doing for him not yourself, this is what has helped my wife the most any time she feels she wants to be selfish or needy she turns that around and thinks of something to do for me, or at least she tries and she is growing more and more each day to find that giving to someone else and not being this selfish HPD person is a greater and more satisfying feeling then any thing she ever had then when she was out for herself. I am no shrink and have no clue if what my wife and I are doing is the correct way to go about this problem the only thing I do know is that love can conquer a lot of imposable things that is something history has shown over and over, more than any medication has proven or any treatment from a shrink has done. Any way this may just be a bunch of rambling but I just wanted to say I do not judge you and if you are looking for someone on this board to be supportive and help in any way they can I will! People may think I am a fool but I do not care, because even if this does not work out for my wife and I, I will know that in the end I was a stronger person then most people could ever be and I would not be walking away from this relationship as a quitter.

just walk away now whilst you can and save your skin. these people are very manipulative. I wouldn't be surprised if you came back in six months time to say, 'Help me, I'm losing my life'.

"I've been diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder and I can't understand why all these angry posts. I am so sorry we have caused you so much suffering, but do you think we have chosen our illness! It is as painful for me as it is for you and I don't mean to hurt people (esp. my hubby) but that's the only way I've learned to treat people in the past and now."

People with HPD know right from wrong.

I know that what you do is all you've learned to do thus far and what apparently works for you but you must choose whats right and you know that whats right is not cheating, lying and manipulating.

"Person with this disorder always comes from very traumatic background and his or hers early trust has been shattered in many ways. Like mine where my mum has denied all her feelings for me and only she did was to shout at me all the time. My dad has always been very very distant, no support or anything else. My dad is only interested in his own needs and I don't think he likes me very much because I've been so difficult child."

You should know that your father and mother may suffer from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder as it is typical for girls who grow up to have Histrionic Personality Disorder that one or more parents has this other disorder in Cluster B often called being an "N" for short. Your mother was probably Histrionic as well and her lack of feeling for you and anger at you was from the hatred of competition that even a little girl could bring from being younger and perceived to be prettier in other's eyes. Its very sick and very sad but this is how I've come to learn this awful disorder works in some people.

"I used to get bullied at school, at home and so on so I learned to lie, steal and make up stories just to get some attention. When I got a little bit older I noticed that I can put my arms around some blokes and learned to flirt and to be very seductive. So that way I can control people. I've been so hurt in the past that I can't express true feelings, that's why I appear very shallow."

This HPD is very hard to treat even by a trained professional so naturally I wouldn't suggest that an HPD person fight it alone without help but if your financial situation doesn't allow you to be treated for it fully you must actively choose the path that won't hurt your husband and any friends that associate with you. You must do your best to be genuine to these people in your life and allow them to love and care for you without running away from it. Perhaps you doing this a little at a time will make it easier for you.

"I have had about 200 sexual partners in my life (I'm 30 yrs) and I've been cheating on my hubby because I can't trust anybody."

This is one thing that you must do your best to stop immediately.

Doing this do you realize it not only horribly emotionally hurts your husband but even more importantly than that puts your and his life in danger?

Have you been tested for any sexually transmitted diseases? Are you careful and use protection when cheating?
A lot of the time being careful doesn't ensure pregnancy won't occur or an STD will not be contracted.

"My only interest in life is the way I look (I've had some plastic surgery done to me) but nothing satisfy me, NOTHING! I don't even know myself and I can be anything you want me to be."

A therapist told me an HPD is a partial sociopath but that seems apparent for all Cluster B Personality Disorder sufferers where you all can play a role and be the person for whoever you're interacting with that will most get them to like you.

If you are able really try to think about the things in life you genuinely like and enjoy. Maybe even right them down and remember them. Try to actively find out what you really like and you can slowly find out what your real personality is at least in one way and then try to use those real likes and dislikes when interacting with people so you are not merely playing a character that they will like but being more who you really are.

"I'm very talkative and emotional (i.e. I love to hug people all the time), sometimes over the moon when meeting new people and the new people often tell me how kind and sweet I am. Sometimes I just feel I can "love" just anybody and give kisses and hugs. I get hurt or emotional very easily and especially watching the news about war or homeless children brings me into tears. Sometimes especially when someone really close to me is going to leave (because they've had enough of my behavior) me I become very suicidal (I cut myself) or take an overdose.
Most of the time I just feel really ugly and empty. I have to get some attention just to feel I exist."

Its the void in your soul that does this.

You needed love so badly when you were a child and didn't get that, that as an adult you feel like giving all that love you needed to other people so that they will become obessesively in love with you. Then you look at them ie that loving mirror you have created with your actions and become satisfied for a time because you are feeling that love that you needed when you were a child but the feeling never lasts.

I'm so sorry you were born into this situation and have this disorder.

Being a victim of this disorder I'm used to mostly helping fellow victims on this forum but I would like to talk with a sufferer of this disorder again to ask questions and allow you or any other HPD to ask me any questions you wish.

So if there is anyway I can help you or you ever wish to talk about anything feel free to PM me.

Ibanezhead, I'm glad you still wanna be with your wife and eventually get better - never give up hope, no matter what other people say. You know what's the best for you both!

Kontroller, you're right there! And I'm pretty much sure my dad suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. About my mum, I know she was molested since the age of nine.

I'm just only wondering where did you learn all your information about HPD?? And of course you can ask me questions about this disorder and much more.

I'm just only wondering if any of the other sufferers feel obsessed with food? I'm not overweight but I can't stop eating, even when I'm feeling full I still carry on eating. And after that I feel really bad about myself and wanna die. It seems like I can't control my impulsive behavior.

My mood swings are mad, one minute I can be over the moon about something and the next feel extremely low and wanting to do myself in. There is no between.

I'm the same with people, one minute I can love them and the next I feel really annoyed....

And I can't seem to take any responsibility of my life or people in my life. I've had boyfriends from various countries and as soon as I get back to my own country I seem to forget them all.
I just can't settle down with anybody. At this moment I feel like going to Brazil to meet new people and hoping to find someone I can settle down with.
But I'm still married to someone else. I can't understand why I'm doing these things??

It was Ray who pinpointed the HEART of the HPD problem: the inability of the Histrionic to look inwards, to question her motives and examine her beliefs.

The problem with HPDs is that they don't want to change, and most of them don't know they have a problem. Their victims don't know there is such a thing as HPD.

So, in the end, most HPDs will never learn. A large number of the HPDs described on this forum are in their 30s. Mine is in her early 20s. I doubt she'll ever detect her disease, because she wants to get married by the age of 27-29.

By the time you are in your 30s, it is NEXT-TO-IMPOSSIBLE for you to change your PERSONALITY, especially when you're brain is DISORDERED.

Your mood swings sound borderline almost Sarina.

BTW do you have AIM, MSN or Yahoo Messenger?