my change

meeting my current schizoid bf, and therapy etc i:ve changed and i think it means a lot
<1> work
1. sticks to one workplace
i couldnt continue working in same place, not more than 1 month
but i have been continuing my current part time job

2. boredome gone
when i work i used to feel unbelievably painful boredom when it kind of becomes rountine
and even at current job i was feeling sick of it and then it gradually disappeared
and i am not bored anymore to do the same work

3. improved attitude at work
gettin late etc disappears, hard working like my first impression got back after short period of not doing hard

<2> relationship
1. stable relationship
i always had drama in relationship, fighting, butcurrent relationship has been stable for 7 months
which i　contribute to my schizoid bf who taught me many important values include stableness

2. no devaluation period
i know that around now it should be devaluation period. but you know what? our relationship got better and better ever since we met, actually, currently our relationship is more ideal than when we first started dating. which is very opposite pattern than usual.
this was possible because this time my bf and i took the correct step for relationships
we did not do that initial passionate period thingy saying we love each other, but even though we fit well we gradually got to know each other and decided/admitted later that we like each other after we have had enough understanding of each other, which includes, he knows my hpd and my flirting behaviors. i love him more than i did 7 months ago

3. 90% no flirtation with others
ok, i still do inappropriate things, it is not perfectly gone
but flirtation has reduced impressively
and the thing is, guys say that i avoid flirtation which i do not think i am consciously avoiding
but i think my subconscious is doing that. just like hpds almost subconsciously flirt than consciously,
i subconsciously avoid flirting with other guys and talking to my bf is most fun even though we talked to each other EVERYDAY for 7 months . the person who most excites me in the world is my bf, not all the new guys i meet. this has never happened before.

<personality>

1. irrational negative emotions are mostly gone
i had suppressed anger, rage, envy, fear, emptiness, anxiety in the past
and i still do but compared to the past, not as much as to affect any thing significantly.

2.



how all these were possible

1. my bf was very sensitive to my feelings and change in mood, did not ignore it when i was going through mood change

2. my bf and counsellors who taught me to express myself　and be independent.
hpds are not trained to express themselves at all. almost baby-level. i think you should help pds to train themselves to express themselves. not impress.

3. my bf who did forgive me for constantly talking about other guys, flirting etcetcetc
he wasnt angry about it but was understanding, and i appreciate his love and generousness and trust for me.

4. my schizoid bf who is the most stable human on earth
his stableness is just incredible. he does not change, his stableness give me such a great relief

it is like our extremely diffrent personality made a balance
normal ppl find someone whod fit themselves and make a balance
but pds are ppl who have extreme personality traits
therefore hard to make a balance with normal people
but my schizoid bf and i both think we are a great pair

yyyyy that's so encouraging. It sounds as if you're beginning to find a real sense of balance, and are looking within for validation to a greater degree, rather than looking outside for it from different sources. You're also beginning to see your own potential too.

Hugs

yYyYy,

Congratulations

continuing my current part time job

Your external stability demonstrates your new inner strength and persistence. A job is such an important activity...one thing I always liked about K Marx was how he said how our work was so important in defining our lives.

i am not bored anymore to do the same work

Since routine is a necessary part of life, we all need to find ways to appreciate it. I have found that routines have this intrinsic symmetrical harmony...like the humming of an engine...once this is realized, routine acts can give you this funny kind of inspiration.
Plus, we perfect our acts through repetition..it is said that a pitcher hasn't really learned how to throw a fast ball until he/she has done it a thousand times...a measure of the amount of movement and time needed to complete the neural pathways from the hands and arm to the brain. Like it is often said, you need to watch a movie ten times to really understand it.

improved attitude at work

"Attitude is everything." Our attitudes predict how we will handle what happens to us...it's not what happens to you in life, but rather how you respond to it. So a good attitude is preparation for unexpected opportunity, as well as unexpected adversity.

current relationship has been stable for 7 months

A stable relationship gives you time to actually learn about the nuances of your b/f - and yourself. If we confine ourselves to quick '3 month turn-around relationships,' we never learn about the person we just met, and also walk away from discovering important things about ourselves...we cut ourselves short from growing. All living things, including people, must grow.

no devaluation...we did not do that initial passionate period thingy saying we love each other, but even though we fit well we gradually got to know each other and decided/admitted later that we like each other after we have had enough understanding of each other,

Somtimes passion seems to confirm, yet also violate a conservation of energy law...kinda like this spirit is saying, "here is this amount of passion, you two can use it all up in a few weeks, or spread it out over the years, and if you spread it out, you might even find that a way to maintain it, or even increase it a little."

i appreciate his love and generousness and trust for me.

Appreciating him is getting outside of yourself, barriers to empathy broken down, instead of two individuals orbiting around each other, two people bound in love create a Gestaltic whole that is greater than their individual parts...together they accomplish more and better things - that what as individuals they could not.

Love, health, and peace to you yYyYy and your B/F
orion

Great yyy!!!

You know it's too bad. So many of us taking out our frustration with our HPD relationships on the board members here, but so easy to forget, it's the people like yourself who really are special. Who somehow, someway, are self-aware and trying to heal Amazing! Best wishes!

wow, who would have ever thought that a relationship between an spd and hpd could ever work? XD

it's really great that you're doing so much better, yyy. i wish you the best in the future and hope you can continue to improve. ^.^ sounds like you have a great boyfriend and therapist, it's good to hear. :3

not going to lie, a little jealous. however I will withhold bringing you down.

^ Crystal every now and then in your words, and in-between them, i catch a glimpse of the woman and human being you really are.

True, much too ephermal, but truly beautiful.

orion8591 wrote:^ Crystal every now and then in your words, and in-between them, i catch a glimpse of the woman and human being you really are.

True, much too ephermal, but truly beautiful.

hpds don't admit negative feelings like 'jealousy' or 'anger' most of the times
even in other thread i didn't admit my jealousy toward scarlett lol
crystal is not hpd,
not even sure if she is woman...
you never joined group voicechats in aspd forum
or lik e those threads like recording your voice and uploading it
and always claim that males are superior than female and females have to be submissive to males lol
but whatever
you are not hatable no matter what you are

yYyYy wrote:and always claim that males are superior than female and females have to be submissive to males

I addressed the rest of this post in the other thread yyy but just regarding this point I want to clarify lol:

I am a supporter of traditional gender roles, yes. but that doesn't mean I think men are superior to women. I think men and women are good at/inclined toward doing different things and roles and the differential competencies they bring to a union are complementary.

women are superior at/more inclined to do some things

men are superior at/more inclined to do some things

like roof work versus house work..

feminism pits men and women against each other and I don't like that. we're suppose to be a team, and I think we are happiest when we are acting true to our nature and inclinations and supporting one another not competing.