HPD exGF

I've been doing alot of research on HPD and the symptoms of the disorder this week after being heartbroken by the xgf for the 12th or 13th time over the course of 8 years and I am now quite sure she suffers from this disorder. At this point I am used to the fact that she is never true to one person and her ability to go out and find another guy in about 3 days but nonetheless am devastated. Not only by her actions but by my own stupidity for not realizing the situation earlier. The worst part is that some of the symptoms of HPD are actually reasons I am attracted to her. Seductive behavior for one (with me obviously not with others) her spontaneity and sudden adventurousness always kept things interesting...

My question is regarding her ability to act normal when sober. Most would just call her a slut as she has clearly been with a number of guys over the years. However I, who know her better than she knows herself at this point, believe she is suffering from something much deeper. She only seems to act out and show extreme signs of HPD when drunk. Knowing her well I am able to pick up on them all the time. It just annoys me to know that our only arguments and differences came from times when either she or both of us had been drinking. Anytime we are sober, whether alone or out with people we were able to get on like a normal couple. Introducing alcohol to the mix changed everything. She would dance with other guys in front of me even though I asked her not to...run off for 10-15 minutes where I would have no idea where she was or what she was doing. Constantly text on her phone when all of her girlfriends were standing right next to her (so I know she wasn't talking to them). Anyway I am just curious if anyone has some insight to the relationship between HPD and alcohol. Thanks.

The symptoms of HPD seem to show themselves fairly consistently, either with or without alcohol, although stressful situations can exacerbate the symptoms, and alcohol can lower the inhibitions, making the symptoms more noticeable and prominent.

She only seems to act out and show extreme signs of HPD when drunk. Knowing her well I am able to pick up on them all the time. It just annoys me to know that our only arguments and differences came from times when either she or both of us had been drinking. Anytime we are sober, whether alone or out with people we were able to get on like a normal couple. Introducing alcohol to the mix changed everything.

If she is acting fairly normally when she is sober, showing no real signs of the disorder, it could be that she has a problem of some kind specifically related to alcohol. If this is so, this would be something that she would need to recognise for herself, and take her own responsibility for it. You can only point out to her that her behaviour when she is drunk was causing you distress. Obviously the time to do this would be when she is sober, and to talk to her in such a way that is non accusatory or demanding, allowing her to see for herself her own patterns. That is if you are still in contact with her, and if you think this would help, of course.

Sometimes, if a person has alcohol related problems, they can signify deeper hurts and issues, and therapy can be helpful, but the person would need to admit to themselves that they had a problem, and seek out the therapy of their own accord.

Your needs are very important, and you need to ask yourself how this relationship has affected you, and where you go from here.

One thing I need to add. Please don't use terms like "slut" as they're derogatory.

My ex hpd/npd went totally wild when she drank.

Rent the movie "Blind date".