What are their lives like?

Are HPDs ever happy? Do they lead happy lives?
On first impression, one thinks that they play all these games for fun, to enjoy hurting other people, to relish watching their victims collapse emotionally and mentally.
Do they actually consider their lives worth living? I've read somewhere that their lives are "more miserable than any punishment Satan could devise for them". Is this true? In what ways are their lives miserable?

I often observed that my HPD would appear really sad and pathetic at times, for no apparent reason. I suspected some problems at home. Is it true that lack of activity makes them depressed?

Some HPDs actually manage to get married. Do their marriages last?

"Are HPDs ever happy? Do they lead happy lives?"

Women and men with it are wounded children in adult bodies. HPD's can be happy but the happiness is childlike (which produces one of their charming affects) and its fleeting from their rapid mood swings. I read about narcissistic mega cycles where the narcissist can be happy for a month or years but then it all comes crashing down on them for some reason. Probably the person they are getting their NS supply from rebelling against the horrible treatment they've endured over the years by their HPD and thus in that way cutting off their supply and creating a crisis which ends the mega cycle.

"On first impression, one thinks that they play all these games for fun, to enjoy hurting other people, to relish watching their victims collapse emotionally and mentally."

I agree about that first impression but an HPD is only a partial sociopath. They have a bit of conscience left over so they do at times feel bad about what they do and I don't think they always enjoy hurting people though (probably depends on one of their many mood swings) I read however that this is the case for people that are full blown ASPD/Sociopaths/Psychopaths.

"Do they actually consider their lives worth living?"

I think their disorder by default makes them nihilists even if they profess god belief that god belief like most things with them is disingenuis. Just a part of the magical thinking that goes hand in hand with the disorder. Another fantasy world for them and nothing more. Not a mature well thought out belief in a god or religion.

So really I think they are usually too wrapped up in themselves and their emotional dramas to ask themselves this very important question.

Just so you know though I read on another forum that suicide is very common with these women so perhaps eventually they do ask themselves that question and obviously by their suicide we can conclude they either asked the question or committed suicide on impulse as the result of one of their many mood swings.

"I've read somewhere that their lives are "more miserable than any punishment Satan could devise for them". Is this true? In what ways are their lives miserable?"

An HPD more than anything wants to love and be loved but once they get what they want a man or woman's love they do not want it anymore. Once their significant other looks them in the eye and says "I love you" with meaning they feel like that person is conquered and no longer worth something to them so they begin to push that person away. The relationship with an HPD moves in three cycles 1. Idealize- This man/woman is the king/queen of the world 2. Devalue- My partner isn't so great after all. and 3. Discard- See ya you're no longer worth my time doesn't matter if we just got married I no longer feel anything for you and you should be the same and be able to turn your feelings off like a lightswitch like I can.

"I often observed that my HPD would appear really sad and pathetic at times, for no apparent reason. I suspected some problems at home. Is it true that lack of activity makes them depressed?"

Yes, because without distractions it forces them to think about how horrible they've been, how many hearts they've broken and how badly they've treated people that were supposed to be their friends. This is the HPD conscience in effect. Its not like ours though. If we do something really horribly wrong we feel tremendous guilt about it for a long time but when an HPD is brought to task on their bad behaviour they feel bad for a few minutes maybe a half hour if you're lucky. They might even cry but soon all is forgotten and she's back to thinking of herself as the most perfect and flawless woman that ever existed lmfao!!!

"Some HPDs actually manage to get married. Do their marriages last?"

Only if their partner is A: The snivelling co-dependant coward/controller/fixer or B: Has some status and is willing to overlook the HPD's cheating ways and never question them on their lies and never tell them they love them with feeling or offer any true intimacy. You must be as shallow and fake with these creatures as they are to sustain a relationship with them.

KontrollerX wrote: Just a part of the magical thinking that goes hand in hand with the disorder. Another fantasy world for them and nothing more. Not a mature well thought out belief in a god or religion.

This is a really interesting point. The girl I was describing in the other thread claims to be an atheist. She says her dad is one as well. However, she told me that she and her mother practised magic and fortune-telling using things like Tarot cards, etc. It's weird, but is it quite common?

KontrollerX wrote: Just so you know though I read on another forum that suicide is very common with these women so perhaps eventually they do ask themselves that question and obviously by their suicide we can conclude they either asked the question or committed suicide on impulse as the result of one of their many mood swings.

The girl's never said anything suicidal, but I remember once she was quite drunk, having been out at a party, and was walking down the road... she suddenly moved into the road and said: "i'm going to commit suicide". She had to be restrained by her friend and taken back on to the pavement. There can be two explanations for this: (1) she's actually suicidal, (2) this was just another ploy to gain attention. What do you think it was?

"This is a really interesting point. The girl I was describing in the other thread claims to be an atheist. She says her dad is one as well. However, she told me that she and her mother practised magic and fortune-telling using things like Tarot cards, etc. It's weird, but is it quite common?"

Yes its quite common for an HPD to believe in some kind of religious thing well actually profess to as it helps in their fantasy world creation and once again is part of the magical thinking of the disorder.

My HPD was supposedly a Wiccan for a while but seems to have drifted out of that.

Typical fickle shallowness on her part.

Can't stick to anything and at her core believes in and is committed to nothing except relationship addiction, alcohol and sex acts with random guys and girls.

"The girl's never said anything suicidal, but I remember once she was quite drunk, having been out at a party, and was walking down the road... she suddenly moved into the road and said: "i'm going to commit suicide". She had to be restrained by her friend and taken back on to the pavement. There can be two explanations for this: (1) she's actually suicidal, (2) this was just another ploy to gain attention. What do you think it was?"

In this kind of situation its really hard to say but I somewhat believe when people are drunk it shows their true nature underneath everything. At their core HPD's hate themselves because they know on some level what they are doing what they have done is wrong.

So I guess I'd say I believe the answer is a little bit of both.

Not to mention often times there was severe abuse or neglect at an early stage in their lives which helped them develop the disorder in the first place. Though it should be noted it hasn't been pinpointed for sure what causes this disorder. Its believed people can either be born with this or have a genetic predisposition for it if they are not raised in a loving nurturing environment. So yeah they can kind of be born or made. Made was one example on this forum of some HPD who was overweight most of her life and didn't get a lot of male attention as a result. Once she lost the weight she was so starved for attention she developed HPD and ended up getting treated for it ultimately.

Anyway what I read about this says most women/men with HPD are born more sensitive emotionally than the rest of us and develop the disorder from severe abuse at an early age as a defense mechanism because their real self cannot handle the abuse.

Their real self is stifled and cut off to make way for this rock solid false self that can withstand any amount of abuse and help them weather just about any traumatic storm.

Of course even though their personality disorder is a rock hard defense most of the time that rock can be cracked with a severe life crisis ie death of a family member or some person that provided them an incredible amount of narcissistic supply.

Then and typically only then can they be coaxed into therapy and helped if someone who actually cares is around to steer them in the right direction.

bane_of_histrionics wrote:Are HPDs ever happy? Do they lead happy lives?

At times they are very happy, often they are not, and usually they fake it.
It's a struggle.

Here is the blog of a 36 years old HPD woman:

http://empressjuju.blog-city.com/

The blog goes back to 2004. If you have the patience, you can read the description of a year-long relationship with a guy, through the HPD's eyes. The woman makes the guy miserable, without her even realizing how serious the problems are, and finally he dumps her (to her surprise). Of course, she blames him, and (of course) you cannot expect that she is completely honest (she has HPD, after all). But through the cracks you can see what is going on.

Please note that I don't know the guy, but I know the woman. She has repeated this pattern many times and I am pretty sure she has (undiagnosed) HPD.

I think it is rare to find something written by the HPD herself. Any other examples of blogs/books by HPDs?

I don't know of any books written by an HPD GuestX but I can tell you that the movie Blue Sky is without a doubt a dead on performance of an HPD female.

When someone with HPD screws up big time do they avoid there friends

They would only avoid their friends when they screw up bigtime if they judge that a lie won't fix things and that their friends are onto them about that lie or onto them about something being seriously wrong with them.

Most nons a.k.a non victims of cluster b personality disordered individuals understandably and simply think the HPD is just a slut and that is all that is wrong with her when their friends catch them out and about having intimate contact with guys that aren't their boyfriend.

Well the full truth of what is wrong with her of course is much worse.

An HPD more than anything wants to love and be loved but once they get what they want a man or woman's love they do not want it anymore. Once their significant other looks them in the eye and says "I love you" with meaning they feel like that person is conquered and no longer worth something to them so they begin to push that person away. The relationship with an HPD moves in three cycles 1. Idealize- This man/woman is the king/queen of the world 2. Devalue- My partner isn't so great after all. and 3. Discard- See ya you're no longer worth my time doesn't matter if we just got married I no longer feel anything for you and you should be the same and be able to turn your feelings off like a lightswitch like I can.

Wow. That is exactly what has happened in all of my relationships!!!!

Yes, because without distractions it forces them to think about how horrible they've been, how many hearts they've broken and how badly they've treated people that were supposed to be their friends. This is the HPD conscience in effect. Its not like ours though. If we do something really horribly wrong we feel tremendous guilt about it for a long time but when an HPD is brought to task on their bad behaviour they feel bad for a few minutes maybe a half hour if you're lucky. They might even cry but soon all is forgotten and she's back to thinking of herself as the most perfect and flawless woman that ever existed lmfao!!!

Oh my God. That is exactly how I feel. I never understood what was wrong with me. When I lie about huge things, I only feel remorse for a short amount of time and then after that, I end up telling another huge lie. I always felt like I lacked compassion...

One of my best friends from high school definitely had this disorder. She was miserable, but would never admit it. Instead, she would claim to be bored or at times, empty. Sex, drugs and drinking were her ways to alleviate this boredom/ emptiness. She didn't enjoy parties, although she would seem like she did. Her life was a void. She was constantly comparing herself to other people, her self-esteem sucked, and she was forever getting used by guys because she needed the attention sex gave her so badly. I felt really badly for her, actually. While she could be charming and attractive and strong, she was actually very fragile and weak and needy. She needed a man to take care of her, she thought. She finally found a man to do that ... she cheats on him and abuses him horribly, or so I've heard, but he puts up with it.

If she wasn't the center of attention at all times, she would act out, and several times she mentioned being very embarrassed about her behavior. She knew she was a disgrace and very much a train wreck personality on some level, but overall she tried to pretend that she was perfect and that she was the hero and spice of life to her friends.

Some part of them knows their lives are unmanageable and painful, but they are constantly running from this fact as fast as they can. They surround themselves with flakey people who do the same thing, therefore nobody ever has to hear the truth.

I don't miss talking to her one bit.