Has she got HPD?

Hi fellas,

I need your opinion on whether you think the person described below has HPD. I went out with her for a week, after her relentless pursuit of me through open flirting/seductive behaviour... but once we got together, it all started falling apart, and finally I ended it.

Here's her description:

(i) Excessively flirtatious / sexually seductive
- before we got together, she'd come up to me, give me hugs, sit close to me, or say openly sexual stuff like "please satisfy me" or "please abuse me". At one time, she even jumped on top of me while I was sitting down.
- after I ended it, we were both at a club and she started flirting with all the men there, probably to make me jealous. She started dancing on their lap and flinging her body at them.
- she's also flirted with several other men in front of me (before we got together), saying things like "take me to a bush"
- she talks about sex all the time.. it's like she's obsessed with it. yet once we got together and kissed, she had a hang-up about it and blamed me for 'forcing her', when i did nothing of the sort.

(ii) extremely jealous / envious
- she's jealous of the fact that I went to a better university than her.
- she once got really jealous, I mean really green, when she saw me enjoying a chat with a girl at a party.
- she gets very jealous if she finds that I'm meeting up with friends. it's as if she doesn't wish me to have any friends at all.

(iii) Attention-seeking behaviour
- immediately before we got together I had started ignoring her... so she came up to me once and started saying things like: 'why aren't u showing me affection'... and even 'please why can't u abuse me' ; she succeeded
- in one of our classes on ethics, she created this drama about some of the principles we were discussing... she was the centre of attention there.
- she's always happy and bubbling with dramatic talk when she's in a group of 4-5 men and is the centre of attention; she suddenly clams up, stops talking, when there's a (pretty) girl there as well.

(iv) Impressionistic thought / speech
- she has really strong opinions, but they seem to have no basis. She also seems to have this ability to adopt strong opinions about subjects she has no knowledge of. Once she expressed an opinion about something in a really assertive and dramatic way, as if it were a cause dear to her 'heart'... when i asked her why she felt that we, she had nothing to say... i asked her what's the basis for her opinion and she laughed: "my ass".
- she once said boxing is better than yoga because its "more substantial".

(v) Overly dramatic
- she has a reputation for this among everyone.. even when she's saying a simple hello .. her speech and manner is overly dramatic.

(vi) Sarcastic
- while i was with her for a week she'd be extremely sarcastic, taking all sorts of digs at me... she's often the same with other people and seems enjoys hurting others.

(vii) Weird emotions
- she always looks weird. one minute she's happy, smiling, bubbly, and enthusiastic and the second she's sad, as if she's just failed all her exams. i've observed this many times... she also has this blank stare which is kind of scary.
- she is a master of the art of flattery... often it wasn't difficult to see that whatever nice things she was spewing out were just fake.

"she talks about sex all the time.. it's like she's obsessed with it. yet once we got together and kissed, she had a hang-up about it and blamed me for 'forcing her', when i did nothing of the sort."

Yes for all their sex talk HPD women are usually sexually dysfunctional.

Also that forcing you bit was a load of crap and what they do which is known as crazymaking.

Over time if you two stayed together she would of broken you down with things like that to the point where you would begin to doubt yourself being a good person.
In your situation over time I really do think she would of made you believe you were an abusive man when it seems by your post here you are nothing of the sort.

"- while i was with her for a week she'd be extremely sarcastic, taking all sorts of digs at me... she's often the same with other people and seems enjoys hurting others."

The psychopathic stare also referred to as the reptillian gaze is common with HPD's and other Cluster B personality disordered individuals.

http://www.stargods.org/ReptilianStare.htm

Anthony Hopkins does it very well as Dr. Hannibal Lecter in the movie The Silence of the Lambs.

Mostly he does this while confined in his tiny cell with its glass casing as he gazes out at Agent Starling played by Jodie Foster.

The secondary affect this gaze has with HPD's is most times it makes their current unwitting victim feel really special. However done too much it naturally creeps a normal person out. The HPD being a partial psychopath (really partial sociopath as sociopaths are the non violent manipulative version of psychopaths) also known as Anti Social Personality Disorder mimics many of the actions of normal people to try to fit in during situations but its hard to always be on playing a role all the time and that would explain why they slip up sometimes and stare too often and too long. They don't know whats appropriate because they are not normal their mind is disordered so naturally they don't know how to act normal despite all of their practice to accomplish the illusion of normality.

Also about her meaness...

Thats also natural for HPD's. They are jealous of everything and everyone. I read somewhere that the damage they inflict on other people is subtle and cumulative which is where those digs of hers on you would come in. They cannot truly love or allow themselves to be loved so all thats left for them is jealousy and hate. Hate for people they see happy who can love and jealousy directed at those people for having something they believe they never can have. The joy of loving someone and allowing oneself to be loved. More on this below. Just replace the word narcissist with histrionic and the male context with female as they are completely interchangeable.

"Nothing is more hated by the narcissist than the sentence "I Love You". It evokes in him almost primordial reactions. It provokes him to uncontrollable rage. Why is that?

1.

The narcissist hates women virulently and vehemently. A misogynist, he identifies being loved with being possessed, encroached upon, shackled, transformed, reduced, exploited, weakened, engulfed, digested and excreted. To him love is a dangerous pursuit.

2.

Being loved means being known intimately. The narcissist likes to think that he is so unique and deep that he can never be fathomed. The narcissist believes that he is above mere human understanding and empathy, that he is one of a kind (sui generis). To say to him "I love you", means to negate this feeling, to try to drag him to the lowest common denominator, to threaten his sense of uniqueness. After all, everyone is capable of loving and everyone, even the basest human beings, fall in love. To the narcissist loving is an animalistic and pathological behaviour – exactly like sex.

3.

The narcissist knows that he is a con artist, a fraud, an elaborate hoax, a script, hollow and really non-existent. The person who claims to love him is either lying (what is there to love in a narcissist?) – or a self-deceiving, clinging, and immature codependent. The narcissist cannot tolerate the thought that he has chosen a liar or an idiot for a mate. Indirectly, her declaration of love is a devastating critique of the narcissist's own powers of judgement.

The narcissist hates love – however and wherever it is manifested.

Thus, for instance, when his spouse demonstrates her love to their children, he wishes them all ill. He is so pathologically envious of his spouse that he wishes she never existed. Being a tad paranoid, he also nurtures the growing conviction that she is showing love to her children demonstrably and on purpose, to remind him how miserable he is, how deficient, how deprived and discriminated against.

He regards her interaction with their children to be a provocation, an assault on his emotional welfare and balance. Seething envy, boiling rage and violent thoughts form the flammable concoction in the narcissist's mind whenever he sees other people happy.

Many people naively believe that they can cure the narcissist by engulfing him with love, acceptance, compassion and empathy. This is not so. The only time a transformative healing process occurs is when the narcissist experiences a severe narcissistic injury, a life crisis.

Forced to shed his malfunctioning defences, an ephemeral window of vulnerability is formed through which therapeutic intervention can try and sneak in.

The narcissist is susceptible to treatment only when his defences are down because they had failed to secure a steady stream of Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist's therapy aims to wean him off Narcissistic Supply.

But the narcissist perceives other people's love and compassion as forms of Narcissistic Supply!

It is a lose-lose proposition:

If therapy is successful and the narcissist is rid of his addiction to narcissistic supply - he is rendered incapable of giving and receiving love, which he regards as a variety of said supply.

The roles of Narcissistic Supply should be clearly distinguished from those of an emotional bond (such as love), though.

Narcissistic Supply has to do with the functioning of the narcissist's primitive defence mechanisms. The emotional component in the narcissist's psyche is repressed, dysfunctional, and deformed. It is subconscious - the narcissist is not aware of his own emotions and is out of touch with his feelings.

The narcissist pursues Narcissistic Supply as a junkie seeks drugs. Junkies can forms emotional "bonds" but these are always subordinate to their habit. Their emotional interactions are the victims of their habits, as their children and spouses can attest.

It is impossible to have any real, meaningful, or lasting emotional relationship with the narcissist until his primitive defence mechanisms crumble and are discarded. Dysfunctional interpersonal relationships are one of the hallmarks of other personality disorders aswell.

To help the narcissist:

1.

Cut him from his Sources of Supply and thus precipitate a narcissistic crisis or injury;

2.

Use this window of opportunity and convince the narcissist to attend structured therapy in order to help him mature emotionally;

3.

Encourage him in his emotional, self-forming baby steps.

"Emotional" liaisons which co-exist with the narcissist's narcissistic defence mechanisms are part of the narcissistic theatrical repertoire, fake and doomed. The narcissist's defence mechanisms render him a serial monogamist or a non-committal playboy.

The narcissist is unlikely to get rid of his defence mechanisms on his own. He does not employ them because he needs them – but because he knows no different. They proved useful in his infancy. They were adaptive in an abusive environment. Old tricks and old habits die hard.

The narcissist is has disorganised personality [Kernberg]. He may improve and emotionally mature in order to avoid the pain of certain or recurrent narcissistic injuries.

When narcissists do come to therapy, it is to try and alleviate some of what has become an intolerable pain. None of them goes to therapy because he wants to better interact with others. Love is important – but to fully enjoy its emotional benefits, first the narcissist must heal."

Anyway my verdict is that indeed the woman you were involved with was a Histrionic Personality Disordered individual and you have dodged a bullet by getting out of the relationship with her and if you want to see just how much that is the truth from afar rent the movie Blue Sky starring Tommy Lee Jones and Jessica Lange which I just saw tonight after hearing it was an excellent portrayel of the Histrionic Personality Disorder.

I'll tell you it is and not only that its the best performance I've seen a female actress give ever. Jessica Lange was even better than Charlize Therone in "Monster" and thats saying something. She truly deserved the oscar she won for her portrayel of the HPD in it. Her portrayel was on par with Anthony Hopkin's Lecter character in Silence of the Lambs it was that good.

Anyway a few more things for you to look at before I end this long winded post are here...

http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/histrion.htm
http://www.drirene.com/female_nar.htm
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq68.html
http://www.albernstein.com/id58.htm
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread ... adid=55343

I have an essay in this forum too. "A Lady with Histrionic Personality Disorder".

I would say that your girlfiend is a classic case of a lady with the disorder. I spent a lot longer with my copy, so I collected quite a few experiences, all of them sound similar to yours.

I regret that I could not have known about her HPD whilst I was with her, so that I could have observed her behaviour in the light of the diagnosis. You now have the opportunity to watch your former girlfiend in the classroom and make notes. Perhaps you could post more.

First of all, many thanks to Kontroller. The info was very helpful and just confirms my hunch.

Hello Guest... i think you are Ray... right?

It's just pure luck that I've been able to find out about HPD... i was actually browsing this Forum trying to find out more info about depression, which I was suffering from midly when i bumped into PDs.. and then HPD.

I will defintely observe her more.. although we don't have many classes in common now, and post more about her.

Here's some more on her:

- she's told me that she's never had any relationships, and also that she's never "loved anyone". this seems to be one of the hallmarks of the syndrome.

- she seems to be a compulsive liar. she told me that last year her parents had financed a language course for her in another European country. It was a residential course and she would have to stay there for 5 months. She went there but didn't turn up for a single class. She told me she went to nightclubs and bars all the time. When she came back she told her parents that she'd finished the course, throwing a few phrases of the language at them. She then enrolled on a language course in her home city in order to keep up the facade.

- we live in a very cold Northern European country. Throughout January, when it was bitterly cold here, she's never worn anything to college except a mini-skirt. She's always got a thick layer of make-up on. Everyday it seems as if she's going to a party.. in fact, she has a reputation for being outgoing.. she's always at bars/clubs. She doesn't have any proper hobbies.

This girl also told me once that she had been snogged (kissed on the lips) by a lesbian. She said she didn't want to be kissed and pushed the lesbian away.

In one of the other threads, someone said that most HPDs have issues with their orientation and indulge in bisexuality.

If so, I'm wondering if my HPD ex was merely telling a half-truth. That the kiss may not in fact have been unwanted.

"First of all, many thanks to Kontroller. The info was very helpful and just confirms my hunch."

You're very welcome my friend. I am here to help my fellow victims of HPD's and any HPD with the courage to post here asking for help.

"It's just pure luck that I've been able to find out about HPD... i was actually browsing this Forum trying to find out more info about depression, which I was suffering from midly when i bumped into PDs.. and then HPD."

Just a note about your depression. HPD's are attracted to guys with low self esteem that depression would give the impression of. Other guys they are attracted to are guys with status because that brings them their ever desired attention fix she can say she's the girlfriend of______, another one I was surprised to find out but makes perfect sense is they are highly attracted to guys with full blown Anti Social Personality Disorder a.k.a sociopathy/psychopathy as those guys don't show any emotions ie true love or intimacy and this drives the HPD wild with lust as her pathology makes her believe that guy is special for being one of the few who doesn't go crazy over her charms. She spends the rest of the relationship trying to break that guy down and make him love her but being a psychopath the guy usually gets annoyed by this and dumps the HPD leaving her in massive depression LMFAO!!!

"she's told me that she's never had any relationships, and also that she's never "loved anyone". this seems to be one of the hallmarks of the syndrome."

Yeah my HPD contacted me out of the blue a few months back to tell me she thinks her current soulmate is "The one" and that "She cares more about him than any guy in her life ever" rotflmfao!!! If that were the case for me and a girl and I was telling someone about that girl I would admit I was in love with that girl. My HPD couldn't do that because HPD's fear and are threatened by love. BTW according to her pretty blonde friend she's already cheating on this guy with every guy in sight. How nice of her...

"she seems to be a compulsive liar. she told me that last year her parents had financed a language course for her in another European country. It was a residential course and she would have to stay there for 5 months. She went there but didn't turn up for a single class. She told me she went to nightclubs and bars all the time."

Yes, all Cluster B's have a lot of things in common. One of these is pathological lying and its often lying for no sensible reason. Their moods and beliefs change rapidly.

"When she came back she told her parents that she'd finished the course, throwing a few phrases of the language at them. She then enrolled on a language course in her home city in order to keep up the facade."

Manipulation is also what Cluster B's enjoy doing to people.

"we live in a very cold Northern European country. Throughout January, when it was bitterly cold here, she's never worn anything to college except a mini-skirt. She's always got a thick layer of make-up on."

Yes, my HPD wore eyeshadow just about all the time and had many cute outfits. Everything they can do to manipulate men they will do. From acting like an adorable little girl when you're mad at them to acting incredibly sexy. Everything is a con and a manipulation.

"Everyday it seems as if she's going to a party.. in fact, she has a reputation for being outgoing.. she's always at bars/clubs. She doesn't have any proper hobbies."

Yes, pathological extroversion. There is a sick need behind her being outgoing. The need is for narcissistic supply which is love, lust, admiration, adulation and attention.

"This girl also told me once that she had been snogged (kissed on the lips) by a lesbian. She said she didn't want to be kissed and pushed the lesbian away.

In one of the other threads, someone said that most HPDs have issues with their orientation and indulge in bisexuality.

If so, I'm wondering if my HPD ex was merely telling a half-truth. That the kiss may not in fact have been unwanted."

If it happened she very likely wanted it. My HPD would tell her avoidant friend whose also my friend a story about being in a shower with one of her girl friends as they had to be somewhere soon and the other girl was staring at her breasts in a way that made her uncomfortable. Now this HPD is the same girl who told my avoidant friend she regularly made out with some girls so yeah I just don't see her being uncomfortable when another girl looks at her bare breasts. She was probably going through an HPD phase where she wanted to feel like a classy lady instead of the slut she is which this disorder makes them often by default.

KontrollerX wrote: Just a note about your depression. HPD's are attracted to guys with low self esteem that depression would give the impression of. Other guys they are attracted to are guys with status because that brings them their ever desired attention fix she can say she's the girlfriend of______, another one I was surprised to find out but makes perfect sense is they are highly attracted to guys with full blown Anti Social Personality Disorder a.k.a sociopathy/psychopathy as those guys don't show any emotions ie true love or intimacy and this drives the HPD wild with lust as her pathology makes her believe that guy is special for being one of the few who doesn't go crazy over her charms. She spends the rest of the relationship trying to break that guy down and make him love her but being a psychopath the guy usually gets annoyed by this and dumps the HPD leaving her in massive depression LMFAO!!!

I agree. She even told me openly that the reason she liked me was because I was "shy" and "intellectual". This is true. I'm a quiet person, a bit reserved, academic, and this may also give the appearance of being naive and easily manipulable.
Also, I've achieved quite a lot in my life. I've obtained a first class degree from Oxford and have an excellent well-paying job lined up. She knew all this.
If there's one truth about these monstrous people, it is this: if you show them love, affection or tenderness they are disgusted by you. The only way to deal with them is to be HARD.

KontrollerX wrote: Yeah my HPD contacted me out of the blue a few months back to tell me she thinks her current soulmate is "The one" and that "She cares more about him than any guy in her life ever" rotflmfao!!! If that were the case for me and a girl and I was telling someone about that girl I would admit I was in love with that girl. My HPD couldn't do that because HPD's fear and are threatened by love. BTW according to her pretty blonde friend she's already cheating on this guy with every guy in sight. How nice of her....

From what I know so far, many HPDs are able to utter the three magic words, "I love you", as part of their dramatic performance. However, one thing that marked my HPD is that she detested these words. She never ever actually said: "I love you". It was me who asked her, "do you love me", and she replied "of course I do. I have feelings for you". After that, she had major problems with the word "love".

KontrollerX wrote: Yes, pathological extroversion. There is a sick need behind her being outgoing. The need is for narcissistic supply which is love, lust, admiration, adulation and attention.

Even then, I wonder whether these creatures ever manage to strike up and maintain true friendships. She seems to have many close friends, although at times I sense that she's just sucking up to people. However, the other day I asked her whether she'd found a new boyfriend, she replied, "no, I want to make more friends. I don't need a boyfriend now". Why would anyone who was extroverted, outgoing and ostensibly confident of their social abilities say such a thing? She's not really that talkative at all, come to think of it. The only time she's like that is when there's a bunch of males around her... in such a situation she never stops talking (although the things she says are ridiculous).

"I agree. She even told me openly that the reason she liked me was because I was "shy" and "intellectual". This is true. I'm a quiet person, a bit reserved, academic, and this may also give the appearance of being naive and easily manipulable."

Are you sure you didn't put words in her mouth? I couldn't get my HPD to tell me why she liked me and I wanted to know. She claimed she didn't know why she just did and I threw out some vague reasons why she probably did and she remembered them and told those to me later in a big entertaining way along with saying it was because I was so amazing etc. Her subtleness was incredible and very believable but its only natural as I've read these people with personality disorders are crafty enough to fool even trained professionals about what they really are. A lot of times they manipulate the mental health professional into believing they are suffering from some other disorder so they can get their manipulation fix and so they are not outed so they have to get to the real pain in their lives.

"Also, I've achieved quite a lot in my life. I've obtained a first class degree from Oxford and have an excellent well-paying job lined up."

Yep, you're a man with status in her eyes. No different to her than a diamond ring. A sparkling object of her desire but still just an object. Not a unique human being whose feelings and needs must be taken into account.

"If there's one truth about these monstrous people, it is this: if you show them love, affection or tenderness they are disgusted by you. The only way to deal with them is to be HARD. It is to shatter their egos, to rub salt into their wounds, to ignore them, to be cold to them."

Exactly. Emotional coldness and joking around with them is the way to go but never act too intimate with them in the joking. Be cold even in that.

"From what I know so far, many HPDs are able to utter the three magic words, "I love you", as part of their dramatic performance. However, one thing that marked my HPD is that she detested these words. She never ever actually said: "I love you". It was me who asked her, "do you love me", and she replied "of course I do. I have feelings for you". After that, she had major problems with the word "love"."

Well yeah my HPD did tell the guy before me that she loved him often but indeed it was all part of the act and it was said so much by her it lost all its meaning. Not that it meant anything to begin with. After coldly abandoning the guy before me after a year of false friendship and a 9 month joke of a relationship where she cheated on him with another guy she was busy manipulating me like a week later. Well actually before that by making me one of her latest false friends. She gradually sucked me into the relationship with her and from its beginning point the knife was nearing my back.

"Even then, I wonder whether these creatures ever manage to strike up and maintain true friendships. She seems to have many close friends, although at times I sense that she's just sucking up to people."

Its important for you to understand that absolutely every single human being on this planet is merely an object and potential source of narcissistic supply to an HPD. If you're not a source of supply you're worthless to her and this applies to both friends and the unfortunate men manipulated into the ultimately abusive relationships with them. The friends HPD's take are like the partners they take. Judged by them to be easy to manipulate. The nice guys and nice girls. The depressed and a lot of the time an HPD's best friend she tells most of her secrets to is suffering from Avoidant Personality Disorder the exact opposite of HPD where the avoidant can't stand attention and the HPD loves it. They make a perfect pair and my avoidant buddy fulfills this role for my HPD ex. Avoidants just so you know aren't inhuman monsters like HPD. Most of the people with personality disorders you have to worry about suffer from a Cluster B Personality Disorder which is Anti Social, Histrionic, Borderline and Narcissist. These are the people who do not empathize with others. Who can do anything to anyone at any time with no remorse for their actions.

"However, the other day I asked her whether she'd found a new boyfriend, she replied, "no, I want to make more friends. I don't need a boyfriend now". Why would anyone who was extroverted, outgoing and ostensibly confident of their social abilities say such a thing?"

Sometimes HPD's do take a break from the boyfriend hunt because they are on all the time its only natural that they would have to rest and take a few months or weeks to do so. I read somewhere that they operate like machines and it is true. During times like this they are not much different than a car running low on gas.

"She's not really that talkative at all, come to think of it. The only time she's like that is when there's a bunch of males around her... in such a situation she never stops talking (although the things she says are ridiculous)."

Yeah mine got quiet too at times. When you don't have to manipulate your target anymore you know you've got them why expend the energy of manipulation? Thats why she gets talkative around a lot of guys though. They are all potential F-buddies or the single parental father figure type partner she cheats on regularly. So yeah the manipulation is kicked into high gear when new targets of opportunity are spotted and desired.

KontrollerX wrote: Are you sure you didn't put words in her mouth? I couldn't get my HPD to tell me why she liked me and I wanted to know. She claimed she didn't know why she just did and I threw out some vague reasons why she probably did and she remembered them and told those to me later in a big entertaining way along with saying it was because I was so amazing etc.

I remember when we had the first session in class back in September last year, we were asked to introduce ourselves, and also asked to described ourselves in three words. I used "shy" as one of the words (a big mistake, in hindsight). And she always knew I was an intellectual type.
Immediately before we got together, she told me that I was a "fantastic person" and that I would be the "ideal husband". But it all sounded very shallow, not least because she didn't look into my eyes when saying it. Once we got together, she had a difficult time making eye contact.

"She's not really that talkative at all, come to think of it. The only time she's like that is when there's a bunch of males around her... in such a situation she never stops talking (although the things she says are ridiculous)."

KontrollerX wrote: Yeah mine got quiet too at times. When you don't have to manipulate your target anymore you know you've got them why expend the energy of manipulation? Thats why she gets talkative around a lot of guys though. They are all potential F-buddies or the single parental father figure type partner she cheats on regularly. So yeah the manipulation is kicked into high gear when new targets of opportunity are spotted and desired.

But they're not really great conversationalists. The girl I was describing could only talk about sex, erotic stuff or about her bizarre incidents (snogging a lesbian, watching a gay-sex scene). When you have a conversation with another person, you talk about normal things, they tell you about their holidays, jobs, internships, courses, careers, plans, goals. You talk about current issues. There's also general gossip. But with my HPD, it was all just sex, sex, and sex. However, when it comes to chatting in a group of 5-6 people she's really quite, and says things occasionally. When she's striking up conversation with strangers she always makes mention of her home country. It seems to be some kind of conversational filler, to give the appearance of normality.

"I remember when we had the first session in class back in September last year, we were asked to introduce ourselves, and also asked to described ourselves in three words. I used "shy" as one of the words (a big mistake, in hindsight). And she always knew I was an intellectual type."

Yep she kept a mental note of this.

"Immediately before we got together, she told me that I was a "fantastic person" and that I would be the "ideal husband". But it all sounded very shallow, not least because she didn't look into my eyes when saying it. Once we got together, she had a difficult time making eye contact."

Yeah eye contact denotes intimacy which HPD's have tremendous difficulty with.

Also I read a while ago about the words most HPD's use and yeah its along the lines of...

Fantastic, Amazing, Awesome etc.

Those kind of words.

My HPD loved to say amazing about whatever guy she was interested in at the time.

"But they're not really great conversationalists. The girl I was describing could only talk about sex, erotic stuff or about her bizarre incidents (snogging a lesbian, watching a gay-sex scene). When you have a conversation with another person, you talk about normal things, they tell you about their holidays, jobs, internships, courses, careers, plans, goals. You talk about current issues. There's also general gossip. But with my HPD, it was all just sex, sex, and sex. However, when it comes to chatting in a group of 5-6 people she's really quite, and says things occasionally. When she's striking up conversation with strangers she always makes mention of her home country. It seems to be some kind of conversational filler, to give the appearance of normality."

Well for someone extremely perceptive and who values intelligent conversation highly they are not great conversationalists but for most people the HPD seems like a great talker and its simply because they subtley manipulate the conversation so you do most of the work and they laugh a lot and encourage you to keep talking with some insidious flattering words thrown into the mix and of course for anyone its easy to get drawn into this and feel you've met someone really special as a result when once again nope all you've encountered was a cruel sociopath that knows exactly what they want out of you and will do anything to get it and that includes manipulating you during a conversation or manipulating you with the promise of sex or a long term relationship anything to get you to keep talking to keep giving that attention that narcissistic supply that they want and need so badly.

My HPD loved to fantasize about sexual encounters outloud and recounted some of her dreams to me on the subjetct. She also loved to gossip and make fun of people behind their backs to me.

About your HPD talking about her home country yeah it was filler but more importantly a way for her to bring the focus of attention back to something involving her.

Also the going quiet thing can even be a way for them to gain attention if normally they are very vocal.

It cannot be stressed enough how manipulative these people are.