masturbation and intimacy

hpds, can you masturbate thinking about someone you really like or feel intimate with?

I couldn't, the whole intimacy thing was repulsive and was definitely turn off,

and then recently I realized something important,

now I can comfortably imagine having sex with a person I feel intimate with

ANYONE can relate?

i think sex thing is something, hpds feel as... a sign of... something negative
you know that MOST OF hpds have problem of sex
so what happens is : hpd seduce -> have sex with the guy -> hpd feels negative -> break up

sex=something you do with someone not intimate for hpds
so if you had sex with this guy = he becomes someone that shouldnt be intimate inside hpd's mind
the thing is, so far, when i had relationship, it all revolved aroud sexual thing from the very initial stage of relationship... eh.. btw...

sorry. i'm not HPD, I thought I'd wait for some responses...but just to keep it rolling

IMO sex, either with yourself or someone else, is a normal human function like respiration. Sex with another is also an important gateway to intimacy and love...IMO to have sex entirely missing in your life seems like a significant void, unless maybe you have deliberately chosen abstinence for some health or spiritual reason.

I too have also read that more than a few HPDs (HPD women, at least) have problems with sexual satisfaction, sometimes lacking even a basic interest in masturbation or sex with another.

This also seemed confirmed in my own experience, in that at least one probable HPD woman I know was always suggesting that we would be sexually intimate, only to consistently deny, via push-pull, any advance in that direction...in street vernacular she would be called a tease...caused me to wonder if she had some kind of hostile agenda against males, maybe even sadistic. One thing for sure it was very frustrating, and maybe it's one big source or anger at female HPDs by Non males.

But maybe she was afraid or sex, just disinterested in it, or both.

A significant number (although not all), HPDs seem to have problems in this area, which is even more ironic considering the overt seductive acting.

Causes?

(1) A neurological or another organic problem (I have never heard of it in connection with HPD)

(2) an overly close relationship with their biological father subtly suggests incest, and causes confusion in the HPD's incest prohibition instinct, which through splitting causes a devaluation and repression of sexual feelings, or alternately might be a reason why some HPDs have bondage or rape fantasies...if sexual feelings are bad, then through cognitive resonance the act has to be bad, which allows an orgasmic release and satisfaction.

(3) a fully incestuous, sexually abusive father (or mother) similarly causes bad feelings about sex, which results in repression of sexual feelings, or why some HPDs have bondage or rape fantasies...if sexual feelings are bad, then through cognitive resonance the act has to be bad, which allows an orgasmic release and satisfaction.

If masturbation is being comfortable and intimate with yourself, then it seems to follow that masturbation is a kind of preparatory mental exercise for sex, intimacy and love with another.

So besides CBT, sex therapy might be an important part of HPD recovery. Maybe one enhances the other.

I know this is a somewhat sensitive topic, but it seems important. Most therapists will ask you at some point how your sex life is. So thanx yYyYy for being brave and bringing it up.

I'm not HPD but ew I can't masturbate to that either. I normally can only do it when I fantasize of someone raping me (and the guys are normally old and not handsome ehem..), but that's just a fantasy I guess.

I'm a covert narc. I develop very intense obsessions with people. The more I "love" them, the less capable I am of feeling sexual thoughts about them. In certain cases I would describe my thoughts and emotions for these people as perfectly asexual. I'm not even able to imagine them having sexual organs. It's bizarre. I've thought for a long time about this and still don't fully understand it. I spoke with a psychologist about it, albeit briefly, and he offered no insight.

I masturbate all the time. My friends often laugh at me because I broke my old bed masturbating, and the sheets eventually turned green. I've masturbated to transexual porn, homosexual porn, and in general some really strange stuff.

orion8591 wrote:(3) a fully incestuous, sexually abusive father (or mother) similarly causes bad feelings about sex, which results in repression of sexual feelings, or why some HPDs have bondage or rape fantasies...if sexual feelings are bad, then through cognitive resonance the act has to be bad, which allows an orgasmic release and satisfaction.

would this apply also for sexually abusive brothers? both (I recently found out the other did as well when I was very young but it was pseudo-consensual) of my brothers sexually abused me, and I recently started erotizing those memories (instead of repressing/denying them) and I found that some of my previous sexual issues diminished.

like I can orgasm now without those memories flooding my brain at the last moment to ruin it like they did in the past. now they often flood but are erotized and so don't interfere, where as before they were 'prohibited' and 'bad' and always prevented me from orgasming.

but I've also taken a more deviant sexual self-image because of it. like I'm a bad person for being abused. it was my fault. so I need to be punished for weak, or a victim, or whatever. and so I HAVE been getting into like rape/bondage fantansies. and yes yes... it's like it's theraputic.

recently I had one fantasy where I said to my partner: "I need therapy" and he would proceed with rape/bondage. and I felt like I was expressing my anger/confusion/anxiety/fear that i felt at the time I was abused, and connecting/accepting/integrating those memories into my being rather than repressing/denying them which is what I mostly did before.

Crystal
its good that you developed a path to release and satisfaction.
this is what formalized bondage is all about...they enact bondage and submission to get off.

of course, as a precondition it's consentual, all parties agree on a release or stop phrase in case things get too heavy for one person. the release or stop phrase being out of context with the fantasies... for example "creosote," or "dyadic." btw, i've heard that somet

i dont know if these practices are transcendental, i.e., if romantic love is the ultimate goal, involving bonded couples, or if sexual satisfaction with just some other person is.
of course it could be both, or either.
one thing i would say in caution is that eroticizing memories of assault/molestation could be good in the short term but maybe growth defeating in the long term. because i dont know nearly enough and i dont want to harm you in anyway, if i were you i would seek a professional who has experience in sex therapy with people who were once assaulted / molested.

what i was saying mid-paragraph...

btw sometimes its the guys, in the dominant role, who use the stop word...they can feel uneasy acting out sexual assaults, just like some of the women might, in the submissive role

I would say I'm still afraid of intimacy. haven't worked through that one yet. don't plan to. I see myself as better off. I am perfect how I am. the sort of intimacy where there is self-disclosure and honesty and a desire to be 'close' is repellent/threatening to me.

we all have different conceptions of love though. to me, love is sex, but it's more than sexual satisfaction. it's about being totally desired and loved in the most intense and convincing but impersonal/detached/fleeting (and therefore, safe) way.

beyond that I just expect my bfs to cater to me.

I'm a boy on the outside, but I'm a histrionic on the inside, so I believe my opinion is valid. It's funny, because I just this morning woke up with kind of a revelation about this.

I masturbate to the thought of two other people having sex, typically. They're usually fictional characters I've seen on TV, and it's usually a scenario of their first sexual encounter. It's typically homosexual, since I'm a male homosexual myself.

I like to seduce men more than I like to have sex with them. I hate the faces people make when they have sex, I hate what they say to each other during, I often am uncomfortable hearing people moan. I, until this morning, thought seeing a man ejaculate was the most disgusting thing. I then had a dream about a man I know, and I having an intimate exchange, and when he came, I realized... it's the same as when I do. It sounds ridiculous but it just really clicked and yeah.

I feel like, if I were to get to know a guy and fall in love with him, I'd probably not want to have sex with him. I'd want to be with him and spend all my time with him, but I wouldn't want to have sex with him because I don't want him to talk dirty to me or moan or anything. I don't like seeing people's masks fall off. I have way more fun masturbating than I ever have actually having sex. Seducing people, however, is more satisfying than any of that.