Coming out of a religious cult

I'm coming out of a religious cult right now. I'm not saying which one because some people here might take offence to me calling it a cult and try to talk me into coming back. If you want to know what it is then you can PM me and I'll let you know.

My entire reality was crushed, the purpose in my life, lots of things. Now I feel really direction-less, angry, and sometimes wishing that it was all really true because it seems so much simpler than a regular life in a world that seems so uncertain.

Does anyone else here have anything similar happen to them? I'm a member of a support group online for this, is there anything else I can do?

I'm sorry you haven't had replies yet. I've read other people posting in these forums that they have done this, but in the course of conversations about other matters, not about the process specifically. The online support group seems like the best approach to me. I also wonder about starting to explore other ways to give the world a meaning. I don't mean looking for a full replacement, but going without a purpose seems a hard way to live. That might be where I'd start, reflecting on what was important to me, and where my talents lie in that respect. All this is only if it's not too painful to think about because it was so caught up in the cult's way of life.

I agree with a support group from an immediate standpoint. I think having a direction, a faith as a support system is a great thing and it grounds us, having a purpose. It's got to be a little like coming down from an addiction and you need to find something in which you connect with. Good for you for taking steps in the right direction for yourself!

Ada wrote: I also wonder about starting to explore other ways to give the world a meaning. I don't mean looking for a full replacement, but going without a purpose seems a hard way to live. That might be where I'd start, reflecting on what was important to me, and where my talents lie in that respect. All this is only if it's not too painful to think about because it was so caught up in the cult's way of life.

I've found that being in a state of nihilism is one of the most exhausting things that I've personally have encountered throughout my life. Like positivethinking said, it's been a little bit like trying to recover from an addiction, not just coming out of the cult but the direction-less nihilistic thinking that comes right along with it.

I don't even know the steps right now that I'm supposed to be taking. I've joined an online support group, and I've started attending recovery international meetings, but it doesn't seem like I'm doing enough. Part of the frustration on my part is that even though my family is pretty accepting of my decision right now and continuing to let me live with them, I have no idea how long that's going to last.

I've got all these medications that I'm supposed to be taking for my chronic pain condition, they're expensive. I also can't really seem to find a job and the depression and anxiety I'm trying to cope with right now are making my school a lot more difficult than I think it should be. I'm continuously able to pull a 3.0 GPA but I'm only taking two courses at a time.

From my research thus far, finding an exit counsellor is nigh impossible these days because of controversies that happened in the early to mid 1980's with kidnappings of parent's children who've decided to join cults. I feel like I need to find a counsellor who can just tell me what I'm supposed to do. I can follow directions quite well, I'm just not so great at planning them out for myself.

EDIT: The self esteem that it destroyed all because I was't ever able to live up to the ridiculous expectations that the leadership made for the members. Seeing everyone leave for their missions and come back, seeing one of the few women that were actually able to see the positive qualities in me that actually wanted to start dating me seriously only to have a week later have her mother say that she doesn't want her even talking to me because I wasn't a good enough cult member has taken its toll on me...

LostMan wrote:I'm coming out of a religious cult right now. I'm not saying which one because some people here might take offence to me calling it a cult and try to talk me into coming back. If you want to know what it is then you can PM me and I'll let you know.

My entire reality was crushed, the purpose in my life, lots of things. Now I feel really direction-less, angry, and sometimes wishing that it was all really true because it seems so much simpler than a regular life in a world that seems so uncertain.

Does anyone else here have anything similar happen to them? I'm a member of a support group online for this, is there anything else I can do?

If perfect strangers on this board could conceivably talk you into going back to the 'cult' that brings to mind just one faith that's comparatively mainstream. So will assume I know which you're talking about. But my opinions are independent of it.

I'm Jewish and non-affiliated. My thinking of someone leaving a religious faith or group and experiencing difficulties adjusting is that for them their entire world-view has changed abruptly as non-religious society is very much atheistic and marginalizes religious faith. So where you had answers prior, now you don't and are asking the same questions but without the easy out "Because G-d says so..." type replies and thinking.

I would say the more a religious group or faith attempts to provide all the answers for their followers, the more likely it's an ad hoc religious faith made by Man instead of G-d. G-d deliberately left out a lot of things like proving He even exists. That always bothered me and I believe I figured out why:If G-d provided us with irrefutable evidence of His existence then there'd be no faith in Him at all. We'd simply worship Him because as an uber-being it's either that or incur His wrath. It's like the analogy of someone holding a loaded gun to your head, either do what he says or die. So by not providing us with proof of His existence G-d allows us free will. Believe in Him and do as He commands, or don't. But because it's a choice, it doesn't become an all or nothing proposition where we spend every waking moment in prayer or at temple worshipping Him instead of living and incorporating our faith into our regular lives to make them better.

So if someone comes along and tells you they have irrefutable proof of G-d my first response is ok, what is it? I'm always willing to listen, who knows, maybe they do have something. But so far, the ones making such claims are clearly using faith as a means to earn their living. They seem less interested in teaching good from evil, and more about obtaining personal glory, power, and wealth with G-d the brand-name label like.

When we distance ourselves then from organized religious movements sometimes it may seem easier to abandon the notion of G-d altgoether. But faith in G-d isn't dependent upon faith in a label too. I'd say it actually becomes much easier having and demonstrating faith from outside any formal religious movement. Labels only put us in boxes separating us from one another.

Instead of seeing yourself as being without G-d now that you're out of the cult, instead try to see it as the opportunity to focus more on G-d, and less on manmade constructs like cults.

LostMan wrote:Seeing everyone leave for their missions and come back, seeing one of the few women that were actually able to see the positive qualities in me that actually wanted to start dating me seriously only to have a week later have her mother say that she doesn't want her even talking to me because I wasn't a good enough cult member has taken its toll on me...

Wow... that's awful. I wish I had something profound to say that would give you hope, but honestly I've never known anyone who's come out of a cult, nor have I ever been in the situation myself, but I've heard stories of the difficulty in rebuilding a life afterward.

A while back, someone close to me joined a cult and she's so different now. It's really sad. I don't even know how to talk to her anymore because all she ever wants to talk about is the stupid cult and how "wonderful" it is. I don't know which cult it is that you've left, but I admire you for doing what my friend hasn't—recognizing the cult's error and not becoming completely consumed by it as I'm sure many of the people still there will be (if they haven't already).

Sorry I can't offer any great suggestions, but I just wanted to say that after seeing my friend drop everything that should have mattered to her to join a cult really makes me sympathize with your situation. It gives me hope that someday my friend's eyes will be opened.

I know the feeling, i used to take part in youtube debates to combat that which has suppressed so many i loved. My best advice is to research all you can about every thing until you know what it is that drives you personally to be a good person. Know how to refute anyone who tries to impose thier belief system on you or your loved ones and learn to accept that not everyone wants to go through life with their eyes opened to the reality as you know it to be. some people are better off as blind followers and its not your job to change that. be yourself and be proud of that. Your future is in your hands, you have control over your own life and it may not be as easy to drive the car as it was in the passenger seat but at least now you can choose where your driving to. Good luck buddy, your doing the right thing regardless of the opposition of the brainwashed.