one year anniversary of a tragic loss

Hi,
One year ago on June 11, 2004, I lost my boyfriend to an accidental death. He was working under my truck in our driveway and the truck rolled off the ramps and suffocated him to death. I was there when this happened and tried everything to save him...After this happened, I was and still am, having my 20/20 vision of what I could've done to save him....(If you're not familiar with the saying, I will tell you, 20/20 vision is the hindsight of an experience good or bad...)I know it was his time to go and I accept that. I just miss him so much and am so sad and lonely without him. I have suffered from physical problems everysince this has happened and have become paranoid of death. I sleep with my tv on everynight when i'm alone in this house. And don't sleep well either. My anxiety level goes up and down. I'm pretty much suffering from post tramatic anxiety disorder. Not as bad as it was in the beginning. I want to know if there is anyone out ther who has witnessed a death of a loved one??? And how they are dealing with it...

Beautifulrose2u

beautifulrose2u,

I am so very sorry you had such a traumatic experience. I wish I had words that would comfort you. This must have been the most horrifying experience of your life. I don't know what else to say.

My condolences,
Kathy

Hey,
I can't say that I have witnessed someone's death, because I haven't, but I can say that what you are feeling is something that I think would be very normal after seeing something like that.
I lost my aunt on March 17, 2003 to a one vehicle drunk driving accident. I wasn't there when it happened, but I've heard enough that my brain was able to put the pieces together and see what happened for the most part. I still cry about it, I'm still having troubles getting over the loss because she was like a mom to me. I was 14 when she died, she was 37. I'm now 16 and still have major problems with the loss. It got so bad that I finally went to my Campus Life leader and his wife and talked to them and Bill (my Campus Life leader) made an appointment to go in and talk to the school counselor with me on the last day of school this year. I never thought that I could see a counselor, it's something my family doesn't like, but in the end it was really helpful.
Have you seen a counselor since the accident happened? Maybe it would help, if you haven't, to go and talk to one and give it a try. It sounds like you are ready to just "get over it," but you can't just "get over" something like this. It's going to take time. We are always here for you though. I'm glad you took the time to share this with us and open up to us on here. That is a big step to take.
*hugs*
Take care, and remember, we are always here for you.

~Jamie~

Hi Jamie,
Thankyou for your kind words. I am sorry for your loss as well. It took alot of courage on your part to do something that your family is not accepting of. (counseling) Sounds like you are wise beyond your years...I hope as the years to come, you will find some comfort in knowing you had the experience of having that special someone who looked out for you. I don't know what your situation is at home. But I get the feeling that you relied on your aunt for some support over the years. Am I right?? Know that wherever she is, she is still watching over you. If you haven't yet, talk to her, she will hear you...

As far as me seeing anyone, yes i've seen a counselor a few times. And thought i'd broaden my horizens and reach out to others who have lost a special someone, whether it's a family member or a good friend...My boyfriend was 36. I still dream about him. Do you ever dream about your aunt?

Keep me posted as to how you are doing. And always follow your heart even if others don't agree. What might be good for them, might not always be good for you...Understand what I mean??

Take care dear, Stacy

P.S. Thanks sweetngentle for your kind words too, I appreciate it..

I don't know what your situation is at home. But I get the feeling that you relied on your aunt for some support over the years. Am I right??

Yes, you are right. I would turn to my aunt for any problem that I had because my dad and brother don't really listen to me and I can't talk to my grandma without her twisting things and my mom just had too much going on and I didn't really speak with her much for a while after I got forced to move with my dad.

Do you ever dream about your aunt?

Yes, I still dream about my aunt a lot. Sometimes I will not want to wake up before I'm scared to lose all the things that I saw in my dreams.

Well, I have to go.

~Jamie~