just a bit of a vent ....novel
When i was 16, (i am 19 now) i was visiting my friend, who i hadnt seen in a long time. he was visiting his grandparents who lived sort of near me. when i was their, we just walked around town, which didnt take long because it was so small, when we were walking we ran into some of my friends old schoolmates, he started talking, and i drifted off, because i was bored. I ran into Conner, who was sitting on the ground, looking a little distant, and we started talking. Within 5 minutes, we were best friends. I later found out that he was heavy into drugs, and that he would shoot up often. Conner had no friends, his mother was a massive drug addict and was labeled as a "bad egg" by other parents because of her, which in turn sent him down that path. My friends Grandparents liked the fact that i was getting along with Conner so well, and said i could visit him whenever i wanted. which was every weekend for about half a year. Eventually two friends of mine mentioned they were going to move into a house, three bedroom and asked if i wanted to move in with them. i asked if i could bring Conner, get him out of that town, and he would be able to start over. When i told Conner of this, he was beyond happy, he was in the best mood i had ever seen him. he hugged me and kept saying thank you. but we had about 3 weeks before we could actually move in. by this point it was summer vacation. i stayed with him throughout this time period. he wanted off the drugs, and he wanted me to do what i could to keep him off them, i sat with him night after night as he went through really awful withdrawals. One week before we were moving, Conner and i were just hanging out in town, and he starting acting a little odd. Like he was really anxious, and eventually said to me "hey bud, just wait here ok? ill be right back" i nodded and he walked down the road and around the corner. after a few minutes of waiting, i heard gunshots. I ran as fast as i could in the direction of the sound, and when i turned the corner, there he was. laying on the ground, blood all over. I ran to him and he was still alive, i took his cell and called for an ambulance, but it was a small country town, really outta the way, they werent going to show up for a long time. He told me then, that, he was thankful for everything i had done for him, and he told me that he loved me and also made me promise to never do anything like drugs or have to much alchohol, and that i was the best friend he ever had. I realised that he wasnt going to make it. and i told him i was gonna name my first son after him, and that he was my best friend, and that i loved him, and that i would become a teacher, and do everything i could to help kids who were written off kids like him. but then things started turning to the worse, he started convulsing, he was crying, the whole thing was just terrifying and eventually, he died in my arms. his green eyes went off staring at me, and eventually the ambulance showed up. as a drug addict, his death was written off. turned out he was shot because he owed drug money. the news said barely anything about him, no one knew him. at his wake, i was the only one who stayed the full duration, even his mother was barely their, and when she was, she was high.
its been 3 years, my grades before meeting Conner were awful. like 50 averages. my grades shot up to 79 - 85 averages. I just recently got into university for teaching. ive been on the go so much, pushing myself so much that now, now that ive made it to university, im beyond tired. i miss him so much, and the memory of that day has haunted me forever, just recently i have been hit with so much depression based on what happened, i dont know why. and i want to know what to do? I know it will always hurt, that this will always be apart of me, but i dont even know, maybe finally letting this out somehow will help. thanks for your time.