How can I help My friend?

In January, a former classmate of mine (Jesse) that I knew since 4th grade got kiled in a car accident. Of course, I was very shocked and sad that it happened. But I had gotten somewhat distant to him and I hadn't talked to him for about 2 years, so I wasn't crushed completely. But a good friend of mine, who also was a classmate, was best friends with him. She even had some sexual relations with him. I know they were very very close and now she is so crushed! She lost a brother too when we were in 1st grade. But she says that Jesse's death hit her much harder because she was so young when her brother died. She cries almost every day over him and it seems like it is very difficult for her to move on. I hate seeing her like this! Since I got distant from Jesse, it is hard for me to share the same feelings. She recently got a tatoo of his initials, so I KNOW he meant a lot to her. She tells me that she wishes she could have taken his place. Of course I give her love and comfort, but can you think of anything specific I can say or do to help her? I know that grieving is a natural step when a loved one dies. But I don't want her to stay so upset all the time. Any suggestions would be really appreciated!

Thanks,
Nattjoik

Hey, Nattjoik! It's nice of you to want to help your friend. Maybe she can write her feelings in a letter to Jesse or visit his grave and tell him how she feels.

Nattjoik wrote:In January, a former classmate of mine (Jesse) that I knew since 4th grade got kiled in a car accident. Of course, I was very shocked and sad that it happened. But I had gotten somewhat distant to him and I hadn't talked to him for about 2 years, so I wasn't crushed completely. But a good friend of mine, who also was a classmate, was best friends with him. She even had some sexual relations with him. I know they were very very close and now she is so crushed! She lost a brother too when we were in 1st grade. But she says that Jesse's death hit her much harder because she was so young when her brother died. She cries almost every day over him and it seems like it is very difficult for her to move on. I hate seeing her like this! Since I got distant from Jesse, it is hard for me to share the same feelings. She recently got a tatoo of his initials, so I KNOW he meant a lot to her. She tells me that she wishes she could have taken his place. Of course I give her love and comfort, but can you think of anything specific I can say or do to help her? I know that grieving is a natural step when a loved one dies. But I don't want her to stay so upset all the time. Any suggestions would be really appreciated!

Thanks,
Nattjoik

Hi Nat,
It sounds like he passed on not to long ago?
Grief is a process and it takes time, when I lost my father the whole first year was hard. The first 3-4 months is just a haze.

It is hard so see someone you love grieve, just give her support, let her talk about him, and cry.

Another idea, would be to make a small scrap book or photo album, that had things of her and jesse OR her and you. Just let
her know that she is loved and it sucks that the world keeps on going.

but with time, things are not so raw, and wounds heal.
Your a good friend to care so much. That is a blessing that she has right now.

Definitely a great, loyal, and understanding friend. Keep there for her and be available to talk when she needs you. The fact you are there helps a lot. Just listen and be affectionate.

Thanks a lot, guys! I really appreciate it. That scrapbook idea sounds really cool! I think I may try that. Thanks again:D

Nattjoik wrote:Thanks a lot, guys! I really appreciate it. That scrapbook idea sounds really cool! I think I may try that. Thanks again:D

Nat,
Excellent. I have one with my Dad. It is just nice knowing he is there and I can thumb through it and remember good times.

Glad we helped.