'T'was the 18th of September

....a day I'll always remember. My beloved father died on the 18th. I was very close to him and he was always very supportive of me in everything I did.

My physical symptoms of grief (heart palpitations, no appetite, etc) are mostly gone now, but I can't sleep well and I can't seem to accomplish anything. I'm a Ph.D. student and I have two grueling comprehensive exams coming up soon. I expect to blow them both, and I won't blame myself if I do.

What I need to know about is my anger. Mom's been told she has a splendid wrongful death case, and I have enough medical knowlege (not much) to know Dad did not have to die. Even if he did have to die, he and my mom did not have to suffer as they did. The doctors messed up, and I'm furious about it. But I'd rather be sad than bitter. How can I accomplish that? Do I just have to wait for the anger to run its course, or can it mitigated/counteracted?

Thanks,
Laurel (of the Dysthymia forum)

Hi Laurel,

I am sorry about the death of your father. The loss of a loved one is always tragic and even more so if it could have been prevented.

The grief process has several steps and anger is one of them. Each individual spends a different amount of time in each step. There is grief counseling available if you feel the need to try to move beyond where you are but cannot seem to do so.

I wish you and your mother strength, and I hope that the memory of your father will continue to provide comfort during your time of grief.

Best,

N.

Thanks, N. I called have an appointment for tomorrow, but getting from the 18th til tomorrow has been a struggle.

Laurel

nymenche wrote:Hi Laurel,

I am sorry about the death of your father. The loss of a loved one is always tragic and even more so if it could have been prevented.

The grief process has several steps and anger is one of them. Each individual spends a different amount of time in each step. There is grief counseling available if you feel the need to try to move beyond where you are but cannot seem to do so.

I wish you and your mother strength, and I hope that the memory of your father will continue to provide comfort during your time of grief.

Best,

N.

Dear Laurel J-C,
I am sorry that your Dad has died.
A numb, kind of spaced out feeling is normal after such a traumatic loss.
When my husband died many years ago of cancer I was extremely angry with the medical establishment, as I blamed them for not diagnosing his cancer right the first time they saw it, and then subjecting him to horrific medical procedures that were to no avail. This anger at the doctors made the normal anger at fate and life worse.
If you have recourse to legal action, it might be worthwhile to pursue that.
But whatever you decide to do, the normal anger will subside in time. A memorial website for your father might ease your pain. You and your Mom can put in it all the good and kind things about him, and celebrate his life.
I hope the grief counseling comforts you. If you feel up to it, let us know how your session went.

I'm sorry about your husband. )-: That sounds really tough to take.

I missed my appointment this morning because I suddently found I had a stray kitten to find a place for. I don't know how someone could ditch a 6-week-old kitten. The poor thing was starving. I couldn't get another appointment until next Monday.

I'm leaving the decision as to whether to pursue legal action up to my mom.

The memorial is a great idea. The minister asked at the service for people to email their stories about my dad, and it would be nice to have a place to post them.

Thanks,
Laurel

puma wrote:Dear Laurel J-C,
I am sorry that your Dad has died.
A numb, kind of spaced out feeling is normal after such a traumatic loss.
When my husband died many years ago of cancer I was extremely angry with the medical establishment, as I blamed them for not diagnosing his cancer right the first time they saw it, and then subjecting him to horrific medical procedures that were to no avail. This anger at the doctors made the normal anger at fate and life worse.
If you have recourse to legal action, it might be worthwhile to pursue that.
But whatever you decide to do, the normal anger will subside in time. A memorial website for your father might ease your pain. You and your Mom can put in it all the good and kind things about him, and celebrate his life.
I hope the grief counseling comforts you. If you feel up to it, let us know how your session went.

Laurel J-C wrote:
I missed my appointment this morning because I suddently found I had a stray kitten to find a place for. I don't know how someone could ditch a 6-week-old kitten. The poor thing was starving. I couldn't get another appointment until next Monday.

Serendipity comes to mind here!
What did you do with the rescued kitten?
I have a cat sanctuary, and have rescued dozens of these fine creatures.

Oh, good for you!! I was a veterinary assistant for ten years, and people like you kept me from giving up hope entirely sometimes. I did small-time animal rescue/rehoming for a few years--everything from sugar gliders to cockatiels to snakes.

My landlady only allows 2 pets, and I have 2 cats. More importantly, I'm pretty sure one of my cats would have attacked the kitten, so I took her to a no-kill shelter outside of town, and they took her in. Now I'm thinking I may volunteer there. It'll probably be at least as good for me as the counseling.

Laurel

[/quote]
Serendipity comes to mind here!
What did you do with the rescued kitten?
I have a cat sanctuary, and have rescued dozens of these fine creatures.[/quote]

Laurel J-C wrote:Oh, good for you!! I was a veterinary assistant for ten years, and people like you kept me from giving up hope entirely sometimes. I did small-time animal rescue/rehoming for a few years--everything from sugar gliders to cockatiels to snakes.

My landlady only allows 2 pets, and I have 2 cats. More importantly, I'm pretty sure one of my cats would have attacked the kitten, so I took her to a no-kill shelter outside of town, and they took her in. Now I'm thinking I may volunteer there. It'll probably be at least as good for me as the counseling.

Laurel

Rescuing and nurturing a helpless living creature is an extremely fulfilling activity. No matter how sad and bad I feel, when I am holding that little life in my lap and feeling the beating heart, it centers me. In a way it is like I am holding and comforting myself, in the form of another. By all means volunteer at the shelter. We need all the help we can get.

That was nicely put. And yes, I will volunteer.

Laurel


[/quote]
Rescuing and nurturing a helpless living creature is an extremely fulfilling activity. No matter how sad and bad I feel, when I am holding that little life in my lap and feeling the beating heart, it centers me. In a way it is like I am holding and comforting myself, in the form of another. By all means volunteer at the shelter. We need all the help we can get.
[/quote]