Loss of spouse

I had lost my partner since may this year. Despite trying to divorce and all, I regret it. It's probably confusing but despite how bad things were, I missed him and wish I could take it all back.

Hello, I'm so sorry for your loss. I take it I'm reading this right, that you had divorced, or started to, and then they passed away?

Hello TsFriday.
Sorry for your loss.
It's very normal for people during the grieving process to ask questions of themselves, to express guilt or shame for things they may have said or done.
I asked many questions of myself when my Mum passed away.
I've spoken to friends who have had to deal with the passing of a loved one, they've felt the same.
We all do things wrong, we all say things wrong.
It's part of life's journey.
maybe you could visit your partner's grave, spend sometime with them, make peace with them and yourself?