Desperately in need of some advice

Hi, I'm 18 years old, and in desperate need of some advice(if you couldn't tell from the subject). I'm really not sure if this is the appropriate forum to post this in, but here it is anyway. To explain my problem, I'll have to start from the beginning, but it's a very long story, so please be patient.

I've always had self-confidence issues. When I was young, my parents acted like I could never do anything right. I always managed to disappoint them. Still, excluding that, I was a fairly happy child. I was shy and introverted, but I had plenty of friends, and did very well in school. My father had a job as a teacher. We didn't have tons of money, but we never went hungry. When I was still very young, my father took out a loan from the bank and bought a small oil company(oil prices were abysmally low at the time, which is why he could afford it). At first it was a major struggle. Due to the horribly low prices of crude oil, it cost more money to run the company than it brought in. But prices rose, and by the time I was 11, the company was nearly paid off. That same year, a girl(who, for the purposes of this forum, we'll call Jane) moved to my school. Jane was unlike anyone else I'd ever met. She was shy and introverted, just like me. We soon became very good friends. Everything was going great. But the next year, when I turned 12, the floor began to collapsed underneath me. My parents were divorced. My youngest brother(John) and I lived with my mother, and my my other brother(Josh) lived with my father. Things have been horrible ever since my parent's divorce. My mother was very upset, and took up drinking and clubbing. When she had problems, she took them out on me, and my sense of self-worth dropped even lower. Even when I was trying to help her, she was nothing but hateful towards me. After two years, when I was 14, I couldn't take it anymore, so I tried to move in with my father. Mother wouldn't have it, and fought it tooth and nail in court. And somehow, despite the recommendations from the DHS, my mother won. Custody of me staid with her. But, she allowed me to move in with my father, under one condition: he still had to pay her child support for me. So that's when I truly understood what I meant to my mother. I thought that at least things would be good living with my father, but they weren't. That same year, one of my father's old friends decided he didn't have enough money. Our oil company was situated on his property, and he wanted more money from the lease. My father was already short on money. He had to buy my mother's share of the company when they were divorced, and then spent two years fighting her in court. To make a long story short, he went bankrupt, and lost everything. After that, he had to return to the postal service for a job, but they didn't have any teaching positions open, so he had to work as a janitor. He didn't take take things out on me like my mother did. In fact, he didn't do anything at all. Sometimes I was gone for days, and he never even asked were I went. He simply didn't care. So, I turned to the only person I had left. Jane. I wrote her a letter much like the one I'm writing now, explaining what was going on, and telling her how much I needed her help and support. What she did next I've never understood. Maybe it was because she gained popularity, while I lost it. Maybe she was just annoyed at me. I never found out. All I know is this: instead of being there for me in my time of need, she turned her back on me, like I was no longer her friend. Even worse, she made me out to be some kind of monster. She told her parents I was trying to seduce her into having sex with me(which is something I would have NEVER done). After this, I felt hurt, lost, and destroyed. I still am today. My grades plummeted. I've spent the last four years trying to make since of my excuse for a life, trying to recover. But things never got better. Nobody ever tried to help me, or even encourage me. I had to fend for myself.

Like I said, things never let up, but I don't want to waste anymore of your time than I already have writing about it. I think I've already gone a bit overboard. But to fill you in on the current situation, I'm about to graduate high school in a few days. I have a full-ride scholarship because of my ACT score, but I'll probably lose it because I'm failing calculus. I feel empty, isolated, and I've lost whatever drive I once had. I have few friends, and no close ones. Communicating with people has become something of a chore for me. To put it simply, I'm completely exhausted. I don't know what to do. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this. Maybe I just feel like getting it out, like telling somebody. But if anybody has any suggestions for me, I would appreciate it very much.

Dear Lysander,
After all you've been through, don't give up on yourself now. Your insight and willingness to fight for your survival are impressive. What to do about keeping the scholarship is something I don't know enough to advise you on. Is it possible to use it after you have had a chance to rest and retake the calculus course? Is there a school counselor who can help you with that?
I sure hope life gets better for you. The world needs people of your worth. Write to us as often as you need; you will never be wasting our time.

Lot's of HEAVY stuff, dude.

Please try to hang in there. Fate deals some unbelievable hands. You have already seen at least TWO really different ones: some good ones first; lately some NASTY ones.

Persistence in the face of overwhelming odds is everything.

And support around you can really help your persistence.

As one of my yoga teachers used to say, "Environment is stronger than will power." When we're feeling really low, sometimes our judgement of other people is not so good. That's when it may be really helpful to get some professional's help... or even the help of an emergency telephone hot-line (most cities have something).

Like Puma said, you sound like you've got some great inner strengths going for you. A little outside support to help you see the way through these trials might be just the thing to help you re-tap those strengths.

Keep us posted how it's going!

Thanks for the support guys. My current situation is actually looking pretty good. Maybe I'm in for a change of luck. I applied for an internship about a month ago at a law firm. Yesterday, I went in for an interview. Good news: I was accepted. I got the internship. I've still got a long ways to go, but it's a start. Also, I've come to a decision. With only one day of high school left, I'm going to try to make amends with Jane. That's going to be hard, considering that I still don't know what the deal was with her, but four years is long enough to be angry. So, wish me luck.[/i]

Dear Lysander,
Good for you! Getting an intership at a law firm means you are one smart Kid.
Have a great summer, and post back with your progress should you like.
Puma