Just writing to express pain, grief

Up until a couple of days ago I was doing fine. Then a family thing occurred. It's a long story but I feel violated and afraid. Then b/c I was feeling so off I did something stupid at work last night, something distracted. It was embarrassing.

Moments like this, moments of vulnerability, make me scared of people from my old life, who have boundary issues which is why I had to "ditch" them. I still however feel the grief and loss.

Basically, it is old friends--particularly four of them. I have had to block them out of my life and I also do not see my family although I talk to them via phone, text, and email here and there. I thought things were peaceful then my mother sort of online snoops me--probably b/c she is feeling my boundary-setting I am guessing. That behavior though makes me want to set even more of a boundary.

Anyway, I am feeling depressed now, and I had been so much better until the other night. The depression is partly mood-disorder related but also reactive. I am grieving people...thanks. Any feedback would be appreciated.