Caring for loved one with cancer.

my dad was diagnosed with secondary liver cancer about 8 months ago. he had 11 sessions of chemotherapy before the tumor stopped responding and dad decided that enough was enough.

my mum and me are currently caring for him at home and we're doing our best to make his as comfortable as we can. my mum's a community nurse so she's used to and trained to deal with people in this situation everyday but i cant help feeling like the both of us arn't taking enough time with my dad, as my dad, rather than as a patient.

my dad is in the final stages really of his illness. he's been in quite alot of pain and the doctor prescribed pain patches as well as morphine so he sleeps most of the day.
In some respects its been such a short time between finding out he was ill and now, yet at the same time i'm finding it harder and harder to remember how he was before he got ill.

i was wondering has anyone else been in this 'carer' situation before and do you have any advice?

Hello littlelight,
My sympathies are with you during this difficult time.

My mother died of cancer 6 months after the initial diagnosis. She was active until the last week when she went into the hospital the week before she died.

When your father is alert make sure he knows you are there and that you love him. Listen to him if he wants to talk.

Cherish each moment with him because it could be the last moment you will have with him.

My heart goes out to you. Make the most of the time you have with him. read stories, look at pictures, remember the good times.

My aunt recently passed away from lung cancer and C.O.P.D., she died within 7 months of being diagnosed. From the moment she got sick her appearance changed dramatically. She look like a different person.

I spent as much time with her as I could, even just being there while she slept. Just being there for your father will show how much you care for him. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

My dad passed away in the early hours of 29th Jan 2007.
It was peaceful and painless. My mum and me were both with him.
He was 59 years old.



This is the poem I read at his funeral. Possibly the hardest thing I have ever done, but an achievement of which I am most proud.


A GIANT! One hundred feet tall!
My Dad thinks I’m brilliant,
And he has done since I was small.

My Dad ain’t quite Gordon Ramsey,
With his speciality,
’Something scrambled and eggy on toast.’
But it’s the way he cremates the bacon,
That’s the bit that I like most!

My Dad loves his Status Quo,
Fleetwood Mac, The Eagles too!
My Dad the ROCK’N’ROLLER
Him and Mum can jive! It’s true!

My Dad is a stickler for details,
Everything so precise and well filed.
“Do you want a spirit level to sign your chequebook Dad?”
But he just looked at me and smiled.

My Dad bought me football boots,
When I was ten years old.
But that fad past and faded,
Once summer holidays got cold.

My Dad bought me an electric guitar,
He convinced me I could play.
I’ve only got three and a half songs so far,
But I promise I’ll write more someday.

My Dad supports West Ham United,
And the Larne Tech Old Boys.
When he jumps and shouts at the TV set,
“REFEREE!!!”
My God, What a noise!

My Dad used to make electricity,
In those chimneys across the water.
He was in charge of the turbine floor,
And hoped to have a fitter for a daughter.

My dad retired to sell lawnmowers,
At the Newtownabbey B&Q.
He’s got a fancy orange apron,
And a wee badge with his name on too!

My Dad drives a Beemer.
A big silver one with fancy wheels.
He coasts along at 10 miles per hour
I can walk faster in heels!

Last night my Dad said he loved me,
And it nearly broke my heart.
He rarely shows emotion,
But now we know we have to part.
See, my Dad, he’s got cancer.
His insides all battered and bruised.
40 workin’ years, no sick days?!
Now this!? I’m so confused.
I’ve so much left to say to him,
So much left to show.
I love my Dad with all my heart and I’ll be so sad to see him go.