have PTSD from all the deaths

I post on the bipolar and borderline sections. I've been looking for a grief section here but couldn't find it and now I've found it. Five deaths in four months, one which I witnessed right in front of me, and my mother diagnosed with leukemia. never would have thought everything i've struggled with since then would be PTSD. But I've got it and today started special treatment for it. I can't really go through the "loss and grief" stuff without first treating that...because the disturbing images and other symptoms are keeping me from feeling those feelings. For months now I've been a mess and yet today for the first time I am HAPPY. i'm very relieved.