Parent of a BPD Child Who Committed Suicide

My daughter, age 35, suffered from BPD and committed suicide about two months ago. I am trying to reach to anyone who has experienced this type of grief.

Welcome to the forum Mandy.

I am sincerely sorry for your loss. I hope you can find someone to connect with here. You may also want to see if there is a “Survivors of suicide” group or “Compassionate friends” group in your area as well. I have heard good things about both.

*many hugs* and take care,
Jan

Hello, I just had a major loss ..It wasn't by suicide but still a major loss..I am sorry for loss of your beloved daughter and can talk if you want , again I'm very sorry and send you my condolences

Oh I'm so very sorry for the loss of your daughter! I agree that looking locally for a survivors of suicide group is a good place to start as is this forum. There is another forum, www.suicidediscussionboard.com, that you might find helpful too.

I am deeply sorry for your loss, both my sister and i are affected by bpd my sister with 1 and me 2. Both my sister and i have attempted suicide twice. Then just a few days ago i told her of my third plan and it hurt me to see her cry like that. I know i want to do it to get rid of the pain i feel right now. I have two kids to care for, i don't want them to live without me when i am rational. when i am in the mood i don't think rationally and have no regard for anyone else or how they feel.

This brings up a lot of feelings for me. But first i want to say how sorry i am for your loss. Yet not only for your loss, for there ia a myriad of joining griefs, pains, and emotions, loses, suffering, in a situation like this. How can the sun come up, or the birds remain with songs in their beaks? It seems like all life should stop, at least for a minute, and exhale.
My oldest daughter, now 34, had her first hospitalization when she was 18. And it was after many others that she was diagnosed with BPD. So much lost for the both of us. She is still alive, though we regrettably are not close, i would like to be. A great loss. Peace to you.
At one time i was in a group held at a local hospital, for people who had suffered the death of someone. It is helpful to share i found. I hope you find what you most need.

Those who have loss a child or children share a burden that only they can understand within themselves and amongst each other. I would like to say that that you are not alone, that I send you thoughts of peace, and the love of a fellow human being and parent who also lost a child to suicide.

No matter what age they are, mine was 32, my first born son, we call them our child. The loss of a child is to me an unnatural act. Just like nature we have nurtured them, and yet they are gone. There is though hope to bring us along in this "new normal". Yes, at the moment we knew, our old normal way of being is changed, and although we deal with that here on Earth, it will be gone in eternity.

People lost in the wilderness, and some near their very last breath, said after being rescued, when asked what kept them going, "HOPE".

When this happened to me the agony was nearly unbearable. I found him in his home with a self inflicted gunshot wound. I asked my psychiatrist how long it would take for that big hole in my gut, my heavy heart, and sleepless nights to go away. She said that part would be easing over the next 6mos. to 2 yrs. and then I may feel some relief from that. It took 1 1/2 years. I was near hopeless but didn't give up hope.

I had a N.D.E. while in the Navy and believing in the hereafter, found that didn't help me for quite awhile, but now it does. Know that she is there with you, loves you, and wants you to live the best life possible, until you meet again. Peace my friend.

I am so sorry for you loss. I was just scrolling down to my usual threads, I had to click this. I have BPD. I have no idea how much you're hurting and I am so sorry you have to be left with the grief.

Mandy,

My heart now cries for you and for me.

I cry these words out. Yes. My daughter, diagnosed with BPD, died by suicide this last election day. It is only now, after her death, that her therapist has let me know that she was treating her for Borderline Personality Disorder. Medical privacy rights kept me from hearing this while she was alive, while I could have at least learned the better ways to communicate with and support her.

My daughter, was 21. She bought a handgun on the day she died, November 8, 2016. We had talked and texted throughout the day. In the late afternoon, she called and said more of what I heard so so often, that she didn't think she could do this, that she didn't know how long she could go before she collapsed, that she was so unhappy she didn't have words.

I know that most parents would have been so alerted with these expressions. And I 'should' have been. But with years and years of such depths of pain, alternating with tremendous accomplishments, I lived poised to either celebrate with her, or have my heart cower in fear for her fragility.

I never thought I would lose her! Not even having had suicide attempt at 14 and suicidal behavior repeatedly within the next 7 years.

That's something of the life my daughter and I lived. And now, she is gone. And I am frantically searching for understanding, and I am destroyed to learn now what might have made a difference to her. I loved her so so much. I supported her in all the ways I possibly could, yet she said she didn't understand why I didn't, couldn't love her, why her own mother didn't, couldn't love her. I didn't know what to do with that. I did what the books now explain is common, I became paralyzed, depleted, less able to reach out to her when she needed it more than ever.

I could write on and on. In fact, write is about all I can do. I can't much leave my bed, or my room, or my house. I can't much think, or buy groceries without crying. I can barely face that i still need to go across the country to get her things. And she won't be there. I don't know how to survive this.

I know i want to do it to get rid of the pain i feel right now. I have two kids to care for, i don't want them to live without me when i am rational. when i am in the mood i don't think rationally and have no regard for anyone else or how they feel.