Complicated Grief

Why does society in general think there is an age limit on love?
I had a major wake-up call the last 2 years that has aggravated my heartbreak grief and grown into major depression and PTSD. It's easier to move on from grief when you see a future.
The biggest problem I had after all the break-up grief processing, was learning I was not supposed to want a romantic future. Yes, statistically, I knew the pool was smaller, men die on average 8 years before women. But, I was surprised to find most men want women 10-20 years younger than they are. I am not ready for the wheelchair or rocking chair. Even speed dating sites cap the age at 55. Online dating sites - reputable ones - have yielded more scammers than compatible men. I have been told my "age is an obstacle". Women are no support either. Most don't understand that I want a fulfilling, active love life. I get the feeling I am supposed to live on memories. Well, I want to make new ones.
I was in a passionless marriage for 23 years. After 3 years being single, I decided to look for the love I really wanted. I connected with someone I worked with years ago. He was my dream love. The long distance relationship grew into a love with excitement, energy, kindness, ... I was really in love. Phone calls and Skype were bliss. Nightly sharing by phone for 2-3 hours. Then, months later, we met. After the second meeting, he decided the "dynamics weren't right. No discussion. Instead of an expected phone call, one evening I got a break-up email. Yes, email, followed by a friendly text message. Well, I am ashamed to say, I did not handle that well. I needed to talk and made many many calls that night trying to reach him. He decided my unacceptable behavior only validated his decision. Closure? none. Forgiveness? I sent letters of apology, and I forgave him long ago, but when I begged for his forgiveness - silence. The pain was immense. It was the end of a 12-13 dream and I am not sure what "dynamics" meant. My short experience with him opened Pandora's Box. I knew what real love could feel like and I was going to find it.
It is hard enough to get past a devastating heartbreak, but to make matters worse, I found being an "older" single woman to be a death sentence. I was a professional and retired early. I was active, energetic, vibrant, intellegent, and managed a few of IT departments before retiring. Since I retired, I am categorized by age into the grandmother (I have no children), sewing circle, white haired (I have not grayed yet) set. The constant rejection has taken it's toll on top of the weakened spirit from the devastating break-up. I cling to those recent memories because I don't see a future. You can bounce back when you have something to bounce back to. My resiliance is nearly non-existant. Am I so wrong to think age is a number? I am beginning to think the world is right and I am wrong -swimming upstream. I give. Why do so many people believe love has an age limit? Pat

Hi Pat, I really admire you. I think your problem with the new romance was probably more down to the distance between you in miles, than age. Yes society is ageist, and you are in general considered too old for romance by a certain age, but you have to not give a damn what society says, and do and be who you want to be. The way that he decided that having met you, you were the wrong side of a certain age for him, and then deciding to end it by email, was mean. He probably hadn't got the guts to say it to your face.

Let me give you a glint of hope that Mr. Right IS out there for you. My Mum was widowed at 56, after several years, she met a bloke, and she seemed really happy. Unfortunately that didn't last BUT then while being a member of a local photographic society, she got chatting with a bloke, and love blossomed. Now in this instance, Mum is 6 years older than the bloke, and they are both in their 70's.
They are well suited to eachother. They go places together, they holiday together, and now they both belong to a motorbike club. Who would have thought my Mum would be a pillion passenger on a motorbike in her 70's. Her life has blossomed since meeting this bloke, and I think they have been together(not married)for about 10 years.

Mum had been married for 37 years.

I too have a story. My daughter's godmother has been alone for years. Married and then divorced and then a long term/long distance relationship that ended badly - much the same as yours. With an email. She drives to NY to pick up her stuff and it's obvious there is another woman in his life. A few years later she was at a quality meeting with a man she had known for years, one thing led to another and they have now been together for six years and he is without question her sole mate and her his. There is a 17 year age difference between the two (he is older) and they are both now retired and enjoying life. It will happen. My suggestion is to focus on yourself right now - do the things that make you happy. That way when someone does come into your life it is a bonus, not what you live for.

Thank you both for the words of encouragement.

Keep your chin up and take it one day at a time. Things have a way of falling into place. Hugs!!