Still thinking about friend, worried she will harm me

ex (prob)-friend still on my mind. Wishing I did not reach out yesterday, though a part of me is glad I played the "better" person to check in, it's like there will be closure if she doesn't respond. Still, I worry that she WILL respond with some sort of goodbye or lashing out. And towards my birthday as there is a history of my old crowd lashing out at me around my birthday if they are hurt.

I want her and my entire old crowd OFF my mind. I have better things to do!