Friendship Was Just An Illusion

Months ago, I ended a friendship with a girl from my old home town I had known for several years. Well, it really wasn't much of a friendship. I was the only one who contributed to the friendship. On the other hand, she was only pretending to be my friend.

She didn't care at all about friendship, even despite the fact that I treated her a lot better than practically everyone else. It turns out she actually wanted me out of her life for years, she was just "too polite" as dad put it to tell me. In fact, she still wouldn't tell me. She practically had to get dad to tell me. What? Is she too much of a coward to tell me the truth? It's not like I was going to go ballistic on her if she did! Even though she said she was very interested in my help after she left her abusive boyfriend, she went and told dad she thinks I'm very annoying! Even today, I'm still not allowed to call her, she doesn't even want me to write her letters! It's as if despite all the kindness I've done for her, trying to help her, and be there for her as a true friend, and even despite everything the guy put her through for years, she acts as if I'm the one she wants no contact with! And what is extremely unfair is that I have done nothing wrong! I feel like I'm being punished for a crime that was never even committed by me! Does that make any sense? No, it doesn't! You would think she would be grateful to have a friend like me.

She has never had a friend in her whole life. She never knew her father. She still lives with her mother. And she hasn't been treated very well by any of her boyfriends. In fact, from what I was told, people had taken advantage of her when she was younger. Now, here she is doing just that to everyone. She's been doing it her whole life according to what mom tells me. Everyone who cared about her is either dead now or fed up with her, or both! Even dad is tired of trying to help her. We all thought she would finally smarten up after she left her boyfriend, but oh no! She's gone right back to mooching off everyone!

I wasn't just the friend she always wanted, I was the friend she needed. But most of all, I was the friend she deserved. The friend who always tried to be there by her side in times of need. But it wasn't enough. She didn't want that. What she really cared about and wanted were material things: cars, a place to stay, and above all else...money. Once she realized I couldn't give her any of those things, she no longer wanted anything to do with me. Yet she wouldn't tell me anything. She only kept pretending to be my friend, yet when I'm not around, she would tell people how little she thinks of me! She actually claimed to the police that I had been harrassing and stalking her for two years, something which is completely not true! She acted as if she actually felt even more threatened by me than the guy she was staying with! And I had done nothing to hurt, scare, endanger, or threaten her.

What I can't understand is why she takes advantage of everyone who cares about her? Why she shoves away the very people who truly care about her. Why she keeps digging herseld down deeper and deeper. Is she trying to ruin her life? Is she trying to turn herself into a martyr? She must really love the sympathy and pity, so much, she'll do anything to keep it coming! Once, a couple years ago, she actually claimed that I had tried to kiss her and that she wanted to call 911! And of course I didn't. She actually made it look and sound as if I had raped and molested her!

I have to admit I'm disappointed beyond measure at the the way things turned out. Well...make that disgusted! I always thought that the way she was treating me was because that abusive boyfriend of hers had brainwashed her. But now I realize she's just as bad a sociopath as he is! And I don't want to be friends with someone who is such a two-faced hipocrite, a liar, and a coward who refuses to tell me the truth, but who has no problem doing it with dad.

I've had it with her, but I just can't get over it. Because of her lies, deceit, and betrayal, I've been painted in the eyes of some, including the police, as a rapist, a molester, a stalker, and a harrasser! Not only that, but I just can't understand how someone I treated with nothing short of kindness and compassion would do all this to me! It makes me mad just thinking about it, enough to affect my moods. I've spoken to counselors, but I just can't get closure. Can someone help? Has anyone been in a similar situation where they were taken advantage of by a friend?

To hell with her. There's better people out there who are worth your time. If you allow yourself to dwell on it you are giving her power over you. Are you so weak that you cannot control your own destiny?

no I'm not weak. I am in control of my destiny. I'm doing quite well myself. It's just that I can't ever ever forget about what happened or what I went through. Who would? If you went through what I went through, you'd understand.

If I could only tell you, honey, how many times this has happened to me in the last year....I have learned a lot about what a friend is and what a friend is not and when the friendship is work or one-sided, cut your losses and move on. I have fewer friends now than I did a year ago and the pain is there as is the anger at times. But the people I do have in my life I trust 100%. That's important.