death in the family

Does anyone else here feel like you cannot talk to the rest of your family about the person in the family who died? My father died a year ago, and my family never says a word about it. It's like they all got over it the first week after it happened. I was different and did not feel anything for the first month after it happened, because I went into dissociative shock. After that I began to feel sadness, anger, etc. Sometimes I feel like I want to talk about it, but my family does not want to talk about it or let anyone know what has happened to us. I think my sister tries to forget it by staying so busy and wrapped up in her social life. My mom tries to forget it but is not succeeding as well as she is. Sometimes I try to talk to my grandmother about it, but then I find out that we do not really feel the same way or think the same about the death. They make me feel like I am being too overly emotional, and I know I make them feel uncomfortable when I try to talk about my dad. They think I need to get over it, but they just don't understand. Does anyone else feel grief late or for a long time? I really feel like the odd ball around here.

i grieved hard for 3 years over my mom , i still think of her and miss her and it has been 12 years, now my dad is telling me he isnt going to make it , he is very sick and in the hosp, i am grieving already and i dont feel like i wil survive if something happens to my dad!

i love deeply prob to a fault, and am very emotional , but this is how G*D created me, so be ok with who you are andi jsut found tis group and it doesnt seem to be very active, but i have had some replies on my posts, so maybe yo ucacn find the support here, nothing will help me except my precious dad getting well!!

i havent slept in weeks, and i am also sick at this time and have a serious biopsy issue and this is the first time i am going thru something like thsi without any support and my dad doesnt even know , as i cant tell him as i dont want to upset him!! i ma so sorry about your dad, i acnt imagine i wil survive thsi i trully cant!! yellowrose9

Hey. That is really sad. Sorry I can't give you much advice; I can't even give much advice to myself either. I hope nothing bad happens to your dad, but if something does, just remember that you can learn from the bad things in life. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Sometimes good things come from bad things, like motivation for change or something. People say that after someone close dies, time will heal the pain. Things will probably get better for you, because things always seem more depressing over the holidays. At least for me they do, but that could just be because I am not in school then and staying around this house frustrates me. I think the real reason things are worse over holidays is that if you have lost someone, by death or any other way, you miss them more because you remember all the times you used to have together and can't bring them back. I think it is accually good to grieve sometimes, because it shows that you are being real with yourself, unlike those who try to hide from their emotions. Well anyway, I hope things get better for you. If you look around, you'll probably find other people are bad off also and feel less alone.

I'm truly sorry for everyone's pain and losses. I agree with you, Runaway, it is better to grieve than to hide from your emotions. I hid from my emotions from all of my losses for years. In the end it did nothing but screw me up worse and make healing even harder. I know I'll never truly be healed. Time doesn't always heal all wounds, but it does get easier with time. Everyone grieves differently, so it's not surprising that you are unable to talk to your family. Just do your best to find someone who you can talk to.

Yellowrose, I'm sorry to hear about your dad is so ill. I've already lost both of my parents, and didn't think I'd survive, but somehow I did. My most recent loss was my brother and that was 12 years ago. I think that if your dad is the one saying he isn't going to make it, you should use this time to tell him how you feel. Tell him everything you need to or want to tell him while you have the chance. Just know that you're not alone.

screwedup and runaway,

thankyou for replying , i have no problem feeling all my emotions, probably to much!!

i try to talk to my dad , he seems angry , very angry at me, we have had a real messy relationship all of my life, and i am 48yrs young!!, it has been a difficult relationship, but nomatter how much he rejects me , i still love him!!

my dad isnt like this with my sister in the hospital or even my husband , which my dad has known my husband has been very abusive to me and he has told me before that my hus is a treacherous person, he smiles and sometimes will wave at my hus, he isnt all there most days i go to see him, but the little attention he seems to have is always angry to me, and nice to my older sister and her husband which in his normal state he has always told me he cant stand my sis hus!!

tonight was especailly painfull as my dad said hurtful things to me in front of my hus and sis and her hus that i know for sure and my hus already did this to me, he used all the things my dad and family said unkind about me, against me on way home from hosp. tonight!!and now i will get it from the rest sis and her hus when the time is right for them to attack me ,as they seem to often do !!

i have tried all my life to fix my family , we had a very dysfunctional family!! usely i rise above my dads mean statements, opinions of me etc. i didnt say anything to him tonight when he said the things he said, i just broke for the thousandth time in my heart as i hav edont my whole life, i think sometimes my dad does somewhere deep inside love me, he use to tell me he loved me just didnt like me very much!! that use to hurt me very much but a s i have gotten honest with myself i can see why he didnt lik me, i am a very spoiled person , very immature, didnt apply myself and played the dumb blonde cutzy act to get my way, i am really quite a disgusting person in alot of ways, and even recognizing this as i have for a while , i cant seem to change , it isnt cute anymore at 48 !! my dad always told me it wouldnt work for me as i got older!!

anyway enough of all this , i am just hurting so much i hoped that my dads and my relationship would heal someday , he was very abusive to me growing up , soemtimes in my teenage years i deserved alot of dicipline not abuse thou!!

when i was about 4 yrs old my earliest memory when my dad did something so horrific i didnt deserve his and i always get with abusive men!!!!