grief over father

I lost my dad to Alzheimers just over two years ago
i feel really bereft, well most would but also very guilty over how cross iused to get with him because i found it difficult to cope with his illness. i miss him hugely, sorry to be so me me me but i probably need to address this but have to be in themood to do so
i carry on day to day, some days i don't even think about it, and other days it's like it only just happened. my mum misses him too and i don't know how to help her, they were married for nearly 50 yrs so imagine how she must feel
sorry to ramble but there it is
thanks
have been very moody lately, not sure if it's bereavement related but a few things going on in my life right now so could be various things
thanks again, just good to post something

hmm not sure what people here made of that, but like i said it was good to post it then
had a weepy moment today, was walking home with dog after going round the park and met a neighbour, well he lives round the corner and he was fixing his daughter's car. We exchanged pleasantries, [he's a nice chap who did used to talk to dad from time to time] and I made some jokey remark about dads 'being useful for somethings' and even laughed myself but when i walked on a bit I really felt the grief hit me again, like a thump to the solar plexus, like it had only just happened, I suppose that's normal even aftera couple of years?
i guess so
miss him hugely at times and at others I just get on with other things.

I'm sorry for your loss... my father died 4 months ago. I cannot believe he is gone. I cry every day....and I cannot bear to look forward, so I am living one moment at a time. The thought of the rest of my life without his warmth, his smile, never to hear his voice on the phone, is more that I can cope with.

I hope you do have moments of respite from your pain because I can imagine what you are going through, and it is not something I would wish on anyone...

May you find peace.

This is from the old thread........


Sorry for everyone's loss here~~~~

I am going to have to agree with Belle and Lostone......

I lost both of my parents in a blink of an eye. Killed by a drunk driver. I have that to deal with the rest of my life. It will be 5 years in January and I haven't gotten over it. I have heard the same thing that Angel was saying. Pull yourself out, you need help, you can do it if YOU want to. You have to make that choice. So.... recently I went with that attitude. My husband spoke the same words to me. Moving forward I tried that attitude, however my Dr. told me while intentions were good.....I have a mental illness and the tragic loss of my parents on top of that is so much more than what I can deal with on my own. It's not a real to just be able to pick up and move on. I have talked to counselors until I am blue in the face. I know my Dr. really well and he is not a pill pusher. He is not just in it for the money he makes. Everyone is different - this is very true. I see my dad's sisters grieving very differently than me. I lost 2 people - both blood to me. I also had a very wonderful childhood and dreamy upraising. I looked forward to those times ahead. I now see them fading. I have lost touch with many because may parents were a link to the rest of my family.

It is hard. I cried when I read the entry where Lostone parked the car and just cried. I have done that so many times. There have been times that I have had to turn the car around and not go to work because things just pop into my head and I can not go to work. Depression sucks and while you can TRY to force a positive attitude and quit crying our eyes out attitude and just suck it up, YOU CAN'T! You are not physically or mentally able to sometimes. The people that are able to do that - do not suffer the same mental illness that others do. OR they have simply not suffered the same loss as you OR it has not impacted them in the same way. While I am not belittling anyone that has had a loss, there are so many different levels of loss and grief.

People cannot pull you out of something that you are not ready to be pulled out of. Only time can heal that - and you will know when that happens. I believe that it does get easier. I look back and it's like clockwork sometimes with me cycling with my emotions, but I know that I just can't get over it because I have a positive attitude. It's not like that. Sure my parents would be happy that I have grieved this long for them and would want me to move on. I understand that - but I believe that it is simply not that easy.

I know I have rambled here......I hope that Lostone understands where I am at here. This is really about Lostone and want that person to know that I do understand.

[/quote]

This is from the old thread........


Sorry for everyone's loss here~~~~

I am going to have to agree with Belle and Lostone......

I lost both of my parents in a blink of an eye. Killed by a drunk driver. I have that to deal with the rest of my life. It will be 5 years in January and I haven't gotten over it. I have heard the same thing that Angel was saying. Pull yourself out, you need help, you can do it if YOU want to. You have to make that choice. So.... recently I went with that attitude. My husband spoke the same words to me. Moving forward I tried that attitude, however my Dr. told me while intentions were good.....I have a mental illness and the tragic loss of my parents on top of that is so much more than what I can deal with on my own. It's not a real to just be able to pick up and move on. I have talked to counselors until I am blue in the face. I know my Dr. really well and he is not a pill pusher. He is not just in it for the money he makes. Everyone is different - this is very true. I see my dad's sisters grieving very differently than me. I lost 2 people - both blood to me. I also had a very wonderful childhood and dreamy upraising. I looked forward to those times ahead. I now see them fading. I have lost touch with many because may parents were a link to the rest of my family.

It is hard. I cried when I read the entry where Lostone parked the car and just cried. I have done that so many times. There have been times that I have had to turn the car around and not go to work because things just pop into my head and I can not go to work. Depression sucks and while you can TRY to force a positive attitude and quit crying our eyes out attitude and just suck it up, YOU CAN'T! You are not physically or mentally able to sometimes. The people that are able to do that - do not suffer the same mental illness that others do. OR they have simply not suffered the same loss as you OR it has not impacted them in the same way. While I am not belittling anyone that has had a loss, there are so many different levels of loss and grief.

People cannot pull you out of something that you are not ready to be pulled out of. Only time can heal that - and you will know when that happens. I believe that it does get easier. I look back and it's like clockwork sometimes with me cycling with my emotions, but I know that I just can't get over it because I have a positive attitude. It's not like that. Sure my parents would be happy that I have grieved this long for them and would want me to move on. I understand that - but I believe that it is simply not that easy.

I know I have rambled here......I hope that Lostone understands where I am at here. This is really about Lostone and want that person to know that I do understand.