Mother died on July 4th 2006

I am new to these forums, please be patient with me. My Mother died on July 4th, and I just do not understand the frieving process. Is there anyone who might be able to shed a little light on this for me? I am having a hard time with this. I have alos had some other things happen in my life all at once it seems. Everything has snowballed at once and I don't know how to handle it all. I am overwhelmed. Thank You for your time.

Twylla

Hello Twylla, nice to meet you.

The thing to realise is that everybody dies sooner or later, that's just the way the world is. If you want to honor your mom, live a life that would have made her proud.

The next thing to think about is that people aren't all that different from each other. What is the difference between a mother and an aunt, for instance? In most cases, not much. An aunt is still part of the family, but one typically doesn't live with an aunt.

But if (for instance) you were to live with an aunt, it probably wouldn't be all that different. Think of children who are adopted, they usually come to refer to their guardian as "mom", because biology doesn't really define what a mother is.

Terms like "mother" are behavioural in a sense. So I don't mean to suggest that you won't be sad that your mom is gone, but I just mean that you can live without her because someone else can fill that role. It might not be exactly the same, but it shouldn't be too different.

Everybody dies and your mom just happened to die sooner than you would have liked, but I know you can be strong and become someone she would have been proud of.

Twyllasue I am very sorry for your loss. The grieving process is complicated and there is no simple plan to be followed. It varies from person to person and depends on a lot of factors. I do not know if you have ever lost anyone before or not. It seems like you are in shock which is perfectly normal. You said a lot of things have happenned which can further complicate things. Some things you have to remember are that you have a right to feel whatever you are feeling. No matter what you feel there is nothing wrong with you. If you feel overwhelmed please find someone trusted you can talk to. If you need to maybe look into a support group. Writing here may also be of help, if you feel the need to feel free to write more. Once again I am sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

Dear Tywllasue,
First my sympathies on the loss of your mother. I recently suffered a devastating and life-altering loss , my father, so I have some idea of the confusion, pain, and sadness you might be going through.

Since you posting to this forum you most likely are searching for some answers, or a path to take you from the place you are at right now. The people that post here are caring individuals so you can take comfort in what they write.

I hope you have a caring family members or caring friends close to you. Carrying this burden alone is very hard.

My father died a bit more than two months ago. I will say that my intense sadness has eased so perhaps that might happen for you in time, too.

May peace and serenity find you in your troubled times.

I remain,
Lostone

Twy~
I am very sorry for your loss. Loss of a close relative or friend is life altering. I have had a series of devestating losses my self. I will not go into all of my loss but the one thing I learned the hard way is that you have to continue doing the daily activities that you love and that define who you are.
I lost 2 immediate family members in a very close time frame. I was caregiver to the second. I quit doing all the things that I loved either because I did not have time or was too depressed. Now it is several years later I have no family and still cannot bring myself back to doing all the activities I had always loved to do. I rarely see any of my friends, I sit in the house when I'd rather be outside and I have gained a great deal of weight.
So even if you are only "going through the motions" for a while continue to do the activities that make you, you. All the feelings will come back for those things as the pain of your loss lessens.

Peace and Solice to you Twylla,

cJo