MY DAD AS DIED LAST FRIDAY IM CONFUSED

my dad died last friday im so confused i cried at 1st and then it didnt feel realso instead ov being at home with all my family who was grievin and cryin i keep stoppin for a little while and coming home cos when im at home i blank it out becaouse in my head my dad asnt died i cry when im alone most of te time but even then i have to say things over and over in my head to make it seem a little real,i have a little girl at 5 and a baby at 5 months im so glad my dad ad chance to see them but even saying tht still makes me think that hes not gone.he wasnt ill we wasnt prepared i came home from takin my little girl to school with a knock on the door thats when i got told he was 46 my mum had found him in kithen he had ad a silent heart attack they have said,he as been sayin he had pains in his arm but he never said it was bad he ad been to drs and they sed he was ok i screamed i cried but then i went to see my family i cried and cried that day.then i drank,and ive drank now none stop since last friday,ive been not being able to catch my breathe and ive been having nightmares but still i can wake up were nothings happened.my mum as told me i have to go for clothes today for my dads funeral but i dont get it in my head my dad hasnt died,he,s in the chapel of rest now people think ill regret it if i dont go but if i go it will make me see wat i dont want to belive i just wanting think hes gone away for a while.but one day soon its gonna hit me.why dont i belive why do i act normal im blocking out things people say thats worse why cant i just belive my dads still ere.i feel so bad on my family they want me loook at flowers and show me the poems for the paper andexplain about the funeral on wednesday why cnat i just think its not happened.im so strange and so werid im not a kid no more and im acting like one i cant face the facts.i had mental health problems a few yrs ago im wondering if theres something still wrong in my head and that is why im blocking this out so much.plz reply as anybody else done this wen they av lost someone so important? i dont want to grieve my dad hasnt died wat is up with me

Grief can effect you in all sorts of ways hun, if you are worried about the way you are dealing with things, then go see a doctor hun, they will understand and may and i say may give you something to get you back on your feet again. If you need a friend then dont be afraid to contact me on any of the sites below.

Please take care and look after yourself

I am so sorry about the loss of your father. I can't imagine how hard it must be to lose a parent, and I want you to know that you will be in my thought! Please don't feel guilty about how you're feeling, though. Denial is a natural part of the grieving process, and it doesn't make you a bad person to feel this way. Take care of yourself!!!!!!
<3

I loss my father at a young age and although i was young i did the same thing. I didnt want to believe he was gone so i just told myself he wasnt. It has been about 7 years now and i still tell myself sometimes that theres no way this could have happenedeven though i now no that it is real and nothing can change it. Losing a parent is always really hard and denile is part of the grieving process. Dont think that your weird there are a lot of other people who feel the same way when they lose a loved one its totally normal. The only problem is the drinking (although if i was older when i lost my father i probably would have done the same thing). Its not so much the drinking itself thats a problem its just the fact that right now during this grieving process is when your children are going to need you the most and they dont want to see there mommy drinking everyday. I know you think that there to young to understand but even at five i remember my father coming home drunk a lot and i would cry because i didnt want my daddy drinking. Well i wish the best for you and i am very sorry about your loss. Keep your head up things will get better eventually.

Hey Kerry - I'm very sad to hear of your loss. I too lost my father. I was 6 years old and he died of leucemia. It was very quick and at the time I didn't understand it. I didn't cry for my dad. I cried because everyone around me was crying and I was confused. Don't worry that you can't accept your dad's death. This is pretty normal, from what I know at least. Trust me, it took me 8 years to come to the realisation that he was actually dead. That was the hardest thing, by the time I was ready to talk about it and grieve, everyone else had moved on and I felt completely alienated. I cried almost everyday for two-three years. It was also at a time in my life when I was struggling with body image issues and questioning my sexuality and general self worth. I can now deal with it day to day, but I often use drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. My advice to you is to take your time with this. You'll soon be able to make sense of it. Avoid drinking, even though it feels like it's helping, it really doesn't (trust me). Don't pretent to be strong if you aren't. It's ok to say that you can't handle something. One of the best things that I ever did was to tell my friend that I was completely hopeless and that I couldn't handle life at all. It was incredible how much just saying that helped. Cry, scream, break things. The best thing to do is probably to seek the help of a professional. It can be really hard to do this, but it's important that you do. It will help you come to terms with the situation. There is only so much internet forums and a bottle of wine can do for you! Life will get better. I'm sure your daddy loved you and always will. Never forget him.




Madeleine (mazza_darlin@hotmail.com if you ever need to chat)

I understand in full what your experiencing. my dad died last year on good friday. it felt like a nightmare that never really happened. just try to remember to be strong for your kids and be happy that he was able to see them. its been a year for me and i still don't fully understand what has happened. time is the only healer and as long as you push yourself to be strong, yet allow yourself to be weak sometimes, you'll get through it.