How do you handle a death of a Brother after TWO years!!

It has been almost 2 years since my older brothers death and to this very date i have not yet dealt with his death... its like i know he is gone but i havent realized he is not coming back... when it happened i cried and cried but after that day i just dont think about it... i find that if i dont think about it it makes it easier to handle, and i know that bc of this i have not completely dealt with his death... Now two years later i realize that not dealing with his death is spirling my life out of control and i want to regain control of my life and admit that he is gone ane moved onto a better place... But now its like i cant, like i pushed it back so far out of my mind that i cant go to where it is hidden and bring it to the front of my brain to deal with it... if anyone out there has had this happen to them please help me in dealing with it bc i deeply want to regain my life and move on... thank you and god bless to all

All I can tell you is that you have to come to terms with it in whatever way works for you. The fact that you are here posting shows that you are trying to deal with it which is an important step. It took me well over two years to deal with my older brother's death. When it first happenned I cried a little and thought I dealt with it. I tried to go on with my life pushing aside all feelings and burying all the pain and horrible emotions that were seeping through. After years of trying to burying the pain I realize I did more harm to myself than if I would have tried to face it in the first place. My advice is find someone to talk to, professional or otherwise. Finding a support group for those who lost a sibling I think would be the best possible thing you could do. Hearing others' stories and getting advise from those who went through it is what helped me the most. I never did go to a support group after my bother's death but I know it would have helped. Also another thing I do to help me come to terms with it is write letters to my brother. This way it's like I'm saying all the things I never got to say and need to say and telling myself it's ok to feel the way I feel. Some people burn the letters after they wrtie them. If you do do that what you do with them after you write them is up to you. I like to think that my brother can see what I'm writing up in Heaven. I've always expressed myself best through writing so that's what helps me the best. Hope this helped.

Get a notebook and write down all the memories that you have of your brother as they come to you, specifically about his death, funeral, etc. You can write other things, but try to zone in on the things that were so painful, you blocked them out. What you were doing when you found out, where you were, who was there. That kind of thing.

Set aside an afternoon each week to do this. Be ready for whatever you're going to feel. Let yourself go to pieces. It will be horrible, initially. Then it will get easier. You will start to feel much, much better.

When the time you've set aside for remembering is up, move onto self-comforting measures like going for a drive, taking a hot shower, going for a walk, exercising, watching a video-- anything you can do that will ease you back into the normal flow of life.

It is very, very important that you not allow yourself to suppress those memories. Suppressed memories are the battery acid of the soul; you do not want that, believe me.

My best wishes to you.

myles1012 wrote:It has been almost 2 years since my older brothers death and to this very date i have not yet dealt with his death... its like i know he is gone but i havent realized he is not coming back... when it happened i cried and cried but after that day i just dont think about it... i find that if i dont think about it it makes it easier to handle, and i know that bc of this i have not completely dealt with his death... Now two years later i realize that not dealing with his death is spirling my life out of control and i want to regain control of my life and admit that he is gone ane moved onto a better place... But now its like i cant, like i pushed it back so far out of my mind that i cant go to where it is hidden and bring it to the front of my brain to deal with it... if anyone out there has had this happen to them please help me in dealing with it bc i deeply want to regain my life and move on... thank you and god bless to all

I did grief therapy approximately a year ago. It was not regarding a death, but was about the loss of a partner to someone else after being together 10 years. I realize this is not quite the same, but when my therapist said we needed to deal specifically with the grief, rather than my insistence that something was wrong with me, she gave me homework between sessions. First, I had to write a letter (not one I would actually mail) to my partner talking about all the things that made me angry. To get me in the mood, she suggested I watch a movie with a good anger theme. Then I read the letter to my therapist, and she offered very insightful feedback that I would not have gotten myself. Next, I had to write a letter discussing nothing but cherished memories and happy times. Again, she recommended I first watch a tear-jerker movie before doing this. Boy, this letter was tough. Reading it was even tougher. Again, she offered her expertise with insightful feedback.

Finally, I had to give the relationship a burial. She suggested burning or shredding the letters (and any other painful memorabilia) and then burying them around a plant or at some favorite place that we shared in happier times. This I did in private. I spent the day in the country and found a young tree for the burial site. I then sat and listened and watched in silent peacefulness. I left at sunset and accepted that life would go on. Hope this helps.

Sorry to hear your loss of your brother

I know this really rips at the heart , I lost my brother in a tragic accident 16 years ago. WE had a close bond and it just devastated me. I had to see a pyschologist and go on anti depressants about this, which kinda helped, but to be honest, I am still struggling with this. I have so many great memories about him. The hardest thing is i guess for me, is we are now living in the town where the accident happend and I find everytime I drive past the hospital where he died, I lose it. I find comfort in the fact that he is with me everyday and looking down on me and my family. I know this will sound wierd to some, but I know he is beside me coz i get these real big chills and goosebumps, then i talk to him.

I hope you can find a way to come to terms with this, To me its tone of the hardest things I have had to deal with in my life.

Its breaking my heart to talk about now.

Jo

Hello my friend I am sorry. I have had the same problem. My Brother killed him self at the age of 16 I was 14 and that was 16 years ago. I am not trying to discourage you but, I have to let you know that someone that close with a large effect on who you are is not something that will just go away. I to this day have dreams of my brother and he is still 16 and I still feel like he is my older brother. Even though I am 30 and far past the age of his death. I still feel like he knows more than I. After he died the staleness of this life and world continued on. It was like everything was still moving and I was stuck. My brothers death ruined me and my social life in general. I had no friends in high school and went from being a leader to a no body.

Do not hold it in and deal with it now. Think of your brother and the time he was here as a blessing. Hold on to it, cherish it and do not deny the fact that he played a large roll in your life. When someone close to you dies you need to accept it and hold on to it rather than pushing it to the side. Like you said it will soon or later come out in your life in one way or another. I would try to make a date or time in your schedule and dedicate it to him. Praise the life that he did live and try to stop thinking about the things you missed and the time he has been gone. I am sure he wants you to be happy. Love and peace to you