I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN

Hi, this is my first post. I have had anxiety since I was 12 years old. I was prescribed imipramine for it at that age. It made my anxiety so bad I had severe panic attacks, and I got so disoriented that I got lost walking home from school (I lived 2 blocks away). Needless to say I quit taking it, and my anxiety levels went back down to the way they were before the meds. There is a long story behind how I came to have anxiety, but that is a story for another forum. Perhaps a dysfunctional upbringing forum.

Anyway, when I was 22 years old, I was involved in a car accident and nearly died. I was in the hospital for months. The guy I was engaged to was killed instantly in that accident. I was very sad because he was gone. I developed PTSD, just riding in a car would make me cry, I was that terrified. The PTSD symptoms became less severe over the years. I still get nervous when I am in a car on the highway, but I can handle it much better now.

So, now I am 34. I married a wonderful man. I am deeply in love with him and we are expecting our first child. This is enough to make any normal woman happy. However, I am not normal. haha.
My anxiety has gotten very bad since the pregnancy started. My doctor warned me that if I have a history of mental disorders (such as anxiety disorders or depression) that it could get worse with pregnancy and postpartum.

I have trouble sleeping at night. I get those "What if" thoughts in my head. They keep me up for hours. Then there is my husband. He commutes. It takes him about an hour to get to work. From the time he leaves, I will cry hysterically, until he calls me to let me know he made it to work safely. I am so terrified something bad will happen to him. Aside from that, I have a very negative family member that caused me so much stress, that I had to cut them off from my life in order to reduce stress with this pregnancy. They live in a different time zone, so that was easy to do I suppose.

I know my fears are extreme and irrational. I do not know how to come down from it. I can not seem to calm myself down when I get anxious. I do not want my baby to ever have to see me in that state. I want to be strong for my child, and I do not want them to ever feel the way I do. How can I cope with this?

Hi SkyPhenomenon and welcome. I read what you wrote and am sorry you are going through his. You say your doctor (obstetrician?) warned you about this, so I guess he knows your history? Sounds like you could stand to see a psychiatric doctor as well to help get a handle on these issues. In the meantime, perhaps you can try some deep breathing/meditation? Perhaps distracting yourself with other tasks, or doing some light approved-during-pregnancy exercise might help? Also, Congratulations on the baby! *hugs*

During my first prenatal appointment they asked me if I suffered from any mental health issues. I told them about the anxiety disorder and the PTSD, and they said that it can get pretty tough. I am in the process of finding a counselor I can talk to. I do not want to take medication, especially because I am pregnant. I am always concerned that I will be refused help if I refuse to be medicated. I know it sounds silly. However when I was 12, the therapist I saw told my mom "I refuse to talk to her unless she takes medication for her anxiety." This was after only meeting with me for 20 minutes.
I know not all shrinks are like that, but that experience gave me the irrational fear of that.
How do you cope with anxiety when you are not taking a pill or seeing someone for it. I can't just walk into a shrinks office and say "Help me now." I have to wait for an appointment.

I think that the Anxiety has definitely been exaggerated by the pregnancy (congratulations by the way ) however honestly I don't blame you for crying when your Husband leaves to commute to work (I assume he drives), obviously that would panic you due to the fact that you had a bad experience with cars and developed PTSD.

God knows if I was in your position I'd be the same, I've had Anxiety Disorder for a while and I know how hard it is to cope with it. You just need to develop some 'techniques' of calming yourself down, what worked for me was using the "Black and White thinking" sheet - which explains what happens with people with Anxiety Disorders.

An example of Black and White thinking: "If he doesn't call me when he gets to work then something bad must have happened, because he didn't call me" - "If he does call me, everything will be okay and I can stop panicking, I hope he does call because otherwise I'll keep panicking." Like most Anxiety Disorder sufferers, you see no middle ground to that. You don't see "I'm over-reacting, he'll be okay."

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/UnhelpfulThinkingHabitsWithAlternatives.pdf

This is what I used whilst in CBT therapy, I found it really effective however you may not. There are loads of worksheets on their site for you - especially regarding Anxiety. I hope I might have helped, even just a little