(^o_._o^)..o0(Others cant seem to really understand it)

I can no longer function realistically. On good days I feel silly and say screw it and try to press on, but when checking my facebook comes at the cost of what feels like a steak knife in your chest and being keyed up to fight rabid polar bears for the next day and a half I start to question my own sanity. I need to find a job but I can offer others no real explanation but I simply cant. When people hear the word anxiety they think of reasonable stress, not these violent forces that plague my body often without any real trigger. And to complicate things worst Iv recently lost my place to live, and cant remember little things, get lost while im traveling places in a town i grew up in. (>_<) this is so frustrating. Im trying to get help but it comes slow when you are poor. Getting thru the day is a struggle my firends/family fail at comprehending. I seek out support groups and for me at least are utterly useless, next time someone tells me "its all in my head" I think Im just going to attack them, Im physicly suffering and this method of rationalizing positive thoughts for negitve ones Im too smart/realistic for and is ineffective since this is subconscious.. I have no desire to mask my problems with drugs, the only ones who seem to grasp this stuff are people going thru it themselfs. Im willing to listen to doctors and such but Im really starting to question if many of them are even qualified to help. Anxiety is not GAD... it cannot be treated like it. Im starting to envy people I see in the morning relaxing and drinking coffee, people that sleep... Am I the only one who feels like im dying knows Im not and feels like its a damn shame because at least death has an end? To spite all this the worst thing is that no one seems to grasp this, or having this mitigated as if Im lazy or something. That is the worst most frustrating part of all this for me.

Jadestar wrote: Am I the only one who feels like im dying knows Im not and feels like its a damn shame because at least death has an end?

Hi, I've felt like this before. But I don't feel that way today.

Jadestar wrote:I need to find a job but I can offer others no real explanation but I simply cant.

Yeah, I'm in this situation too. I don't yet know how I'm going to resolve this problem.

Do you have a new place to live?

I try to make my life simple because I know I'm not good at coping with stress. Getting through the day can be good enough, even if other people don't understand. Some days are difficult. I don't try to meet other people's expectations - I find it hard enough to meet my own! I think many people would say that I am lazy if they knew how I live, but I know I can be hardworking when I feel comfortable and find something that I think is worth doing.

Can you spend more time/energy trying to make yourself feel safe and comfortable, and less trying to keep up with the rest of the world? It is okay to be kind to yourself. Maybe then you'll feel calmer and it might be easier to get help?

It can take a while to find the right people to help you, and it takes strength to deal with the disappointment and frustration of dealing with the 'wrong' people. The psych I'm currently seeing is the fourth I've tried this year, and I think I can work with her and make some positive changes to my life. However, earlier in the year, after being stuffed around by the second psych, I was so stressed and upset that I couldn't think straight and had two car accidents in one day. After the second accident, I just sat unmoving in the car for hours, wishing the world would swallow me up. It seems funny now, but at the time I couldn't see any way to move forward with my life.

Yeah it really is a catch 22 for me at the moment. Cant stay anywhere solid without work cant work without anywhere solid. In moments of calm when I know I need to take it slow it even seems silly to me and I have the urge to charge on only to realize I cant live that way anymore. I did manage to find a group though. I got some appointments next week, see what comes from that. This wont go away overnight and already got a good idea whats wrong and wont depend on these people to cure anything.. Fact is Iv made myself healthier than most people I meet over the years. We all rarely let ourselfs be fully human in the culture we live in if that makes any sense.

Repressing emotions and using objective thinking to focus and survive doing what we must, no matter how damaging seems to be a way of life were all leading to some extent. I had the #######5 luck of being awesome at it and having it pretty hard the last 25 years or so.. something had to give. The cure for this is dealing with emotions in a healthier way and not leading such a damaging life. I refuse to take a buncha meds and shuffle along this same path. And to spite dealing with emotions in a healthier way for me safe harbors are so very far and so very few (it gets worst the harder things are getting for everyone these days). Iv come to realize that I dont get any answers for this because this is something no one can do but myself, and like it or not I am alone doing it. This is just a hard place to live, but one of many many places and modes of living. So have to pick a new direction it sucks but things will have to work out or something will kill me. Such is life I guess but what else can I really do Im on the edge here.

Good luck though I can relate to the driving thing, almost gotten killed and lost too many times on my bike. I really shouldent even be on the streets but we aint a civilized country like Sweden or something lol Lets just do our best (^_^)