New here, not sure what to do.

I'm new here, and not sure if this was posted in the right place.

Anyway, I am 18 years old. For the past two years I have been struggling with self harm, and eating disorder, depression, and major anxiety. I also have a very low self confidence, and suicidal thoughts several times a day. I've also taken action on those thoughts, one of the times where I attempted a pill overdose. I was too scared to ask anyone for help during the overdose, so I stayed in my room shaking, and feeling ill until the feeling passed (two days later). Nobody knows about anything, not even my own parents. My parents divorced two years ago, and I think that might have been what triggered it all. I don't know.

I have been eating better for about two weeks now, also self harm free for two weeks. My mood has been up and down, but it's been mostly good other than today. My anxiety, however, has been worse than it's ever been these last few months. I am unable to go on public transportation, I am unable to hand out job applications, I am unable to be in crowded areas, I am unable to do anything on my own. I will start shaking, and really freaking out when I have to do anything on my own. I've secluded myself so much that the only people I see anymore are my close friends, and my parents.

I don't know if I should get help over it or not. I've thought about approaching my mom about the situation, but she will blame everything on my dad, and make me move in with her which I don't want to do. Mainly because my dog lives over here, and I can't live without him, and she can't bring him over where she lives. I just don't feel like I deserve help anyway, and feel like everyone would laugh at me and think I'm pathetic, as I don't believe I even have a reason to be the way I am, other than verbal abuse, and living in fear of my own thoughts. I feel as if medications might help me though. I just don't know if I should, or how to approach my mom on all of this. We're also financially tight right now, and I don't want to burden her with my problems and stress her out even more, as she's already having problems of her own.

Hi -

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and your difficulties. It sounds like a whole lot to be dealing with. And the suicidal thoughts are very concerning, especially because you acted on them. I'm glad that the eating and self-harm has gotten better though, that is good.

My opinion is that you should seek out help from a therapist and/or psychiatrist. You definitely deserve help and you definitely need some from what you are writing here. You shouldn't have to suffer in this way and you don't have to. If people laugh at you because you are having issues and need to see a doctor then there is something wrong with them and you should get away from people like that. So I'd recommend bringing it up with your mother. I can't say how you should bring it up as that is something that depends on your comfort zone, your relationship with her and the right time. Perhaps writing it down would help? It's unfortunate that things are not good financially but I'm sure your mother would like to know about what's going on so you can at least have her support with this.

- EGD.

I'm new here too, just logged on. I'm new to this whole anxiety thing also, at least I am new to my anxiety controlling my life.

For me I have always been a little high strung. I always just figured it was part of my personality and to have concern and worry were just things that everyone had to deal with. For whatever reason it has snowballed over the past several years. At first I just thought I was having normal reactions to normal stressors in my daily life (I had a new job that was stressing me out a lot more), but about seven months ago my anxiety quickly escalated to the point where it took over my daily life. It grew and grew and grew until finally three days ago I finally broke-down and went to see my doctor over it.

I thought I had always been able to manage my stress and anxiety and figured the past seven months that I could do the same thing. I cut down on caffeine, started getting more excercise, and was trying to eat healthier foods that were better for me. With all my good intentions my anxiety continued and grew and grew.

I have anxiety over a lot of things but the form that started controlling my life was anxiety over my health. For whatever reason I started to have a fear that there was something physically wrong with me and it was life threatening. I had minor symptoms of lethargy and just not feeling great so I had blood work done. That lead to an appointment with an endocronologist and my physical ailments began to snowball. I had a panic attack (never had one before in my life) and I convinced my doctor to refer me to a cardiologist because I was sure that I had something going on with my herart. I rushed myself to the E.R. one night because I was sure I was having a heart attack. I went back to the cardiologist, had an EKG and echocardiogram and was told that my heart wasn't just healthy but in really really good shape. The doctors told me that physically they couldn't find anything wrong with me. All my glands were working properly, the blood tests showed that overall my body was in great shape. All aside from a vitamin D deficiency.

With all that good news I still couldn't stop worrying and I had another panic attack. I told myself logically that there was nothing wrong with me and i shouldn't worry so much, but a part of my brain didn't buy it. Any minor ailment that I might feel, my mind immediately twisted it into a life-threatening disorder. From day to day I worried that I had different cancers in different parts of my body, worried that I had kidney failure, liver failure, deep vein thrombosis, diabetes, stroke, on and on and on. It was so real to me, but I was also so embarrassed I kept the fears internalized because I was worried people were going to think I was crazy.

It was insane thinking and I knew it - but I couldn't stop the thoughts. My daily existence was absolutely terrible and depressing. My quality of life was horrible and the only time I felt decent was when I was laying in bed and sleeping.

Three days ago I finally went to the doctor not knowing what to expect. I didn't know how she could help this situation. Everything I was trying wasn't working, what could she do?

She diagnosed me with GAD and scheduled me to meet with a counselor to help me with my problems. She also placed me on clonazepam .25 mg twice a day.

I took my first dose and later that day my anxiety was gone. It wasn't better, it was gone! My fears were gone. I was starting to feel like my old self almost immediately. It is only three days later and I feel like a different person. I am absolutely dumfounded and completely greatful because I am feeling like me again. I am able to enjoy little things without that constant feeling in the back of my head telling me there is a serious problem I should be focused on.

I am so new to this whole thing but am really excited to meet with a therapist and get the rest of these problems resolved. I wasn't keen about being put on meds, but after feeling like the old me (something I was afraid I would never feel again), I want to embrace this process completely and look forward to the rest of my life.

This was a long post but the past three days have been the most profound days I have had in my entire life. I was lost without any hope convinced I was dying and now I am super happy, relaxed and so optimistic about my future.

She diagnosed me with GAD and scheduled me to meet with a counselor to help me with my problems. She also placed me on clonazepam .25 mg twice a day.

I took my first dose and later that day my anxiety was gone. It wasn't better, it was gone!

I'm glad that you found something that worked for you. Living with anxiety is not fun. Welcome to the forum!