anxiety has ruined my relationship.

Hi everyone...
I posted on one of the other forums a few weeks ago because of some problems with my boyfriend that i'll try and quickly sum up.

we have been dating for almost a year. he suffers from depression and anxiety. i've always had trouble trusting people, and believe that no guy really likes me and just is nice to use me. this comes from some dumb stuff in the past. my boyfriend is a really good guy who did everything he possibly could to make me happy. suddenly a couple months ago i started panicking, believing he was cheating. i'd had these thoughts for awhile, but it's like i told myself it so much i started to believe it.i even had panic attacks.i was obsessing. he wasn't cheating. i knew deep down he wasnt.all his free time was spent with me. but i nagged and nagged and nagged and went off and hurt him. we had one huge fight about a month and a half ago. he started distancing himself saying he didn't know if he could do it anymore. after two weeks of barely talking i apologozed and admitted it was all my fault.I let my own insecurities and issues get the best of me. blahblahblah. he took me back. we were great for a week..and then we went to a bar, i got drunk, and let it all out on him again. HUGE fight. apparently said awful things. i don't remember. so the next day he said "f*** it i'm done" but the next day only changed his status to "its complicated" not single.

of course i went into crazy mode and tried begging him back...didn't work. i gave him a week no contact. he ended up contacting my best friend asking how i was. i took it as a good sign and sent him a huge apology. no reply. this has been going on for 2 1/2 weeks now. he ignores me unless i send him something like "hope you have a good day" then he's cold.will give one short reply...won't have a conversation. he doesn't want to talk about us at all. says "i love you. but i don't think i can take it anymore. i dont think anything will change. i want to be with you but i don't know. i don't want to think about it right now"

i started therapy after these huge fights.. i'm already learning a lot. i'm realizing that i've always had anxiety issues. heck, i even convinced myself for a whole year i was dying from some crazy random rare illness.and its like my mind can never shut up. but this is the first time my anxiety hurt someone other than myself. he was perfect. i treated him like he wasn't because i couldn't stop myself from thinking awful things, and now i think i've lost him forever. :/ i've also learned how to let go of things from the past that were still haunting me and causing me to think i wasn't good enough for my (ex?)boyfriend. I know that if he would give me one more chance...it would be totally different.

so, i'm just wondering if anyone else has ever had their anxiety mess up their relationships, and what they did to fix it. also, ANY tips at all to help with controlling these ridiculous thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

I'm going through the same thing now - I'd moved from interstate to be closer to my GF and ended up in a few bad housing situations and insecure jobs, became overweight, got dep and started getting needy - she's really the only person here I know well and she kind of became my world.

Anyways long story short she went away on holiday with a male friend before a work conference, was out of reception for a day and I got jealous, texted her to ask if we could talk in private and she called back during the work part and ended up crying in front of a whole lot of work people.

I went back on my anxiety meds, and told her about how I was feeling when she got back - she broke up with me a few days later. Was worried my anxiety would cause problems down the road with kids / family etc and is freaked out by the idea of me being on meds.

Really sucks because we both still love each other but she's scared of what a future with me would be like and thinks it's best if we move on and go meet other people. I got over the thoughts by taking seroquel, challenging the thoughts mentally and talking to her about them. It's only been five days since the break up and I've gone a long way toward getting my $#%^ together but I'm afraid now its too late. She wants space but said I can call her if I need to, but I don't really want to put her under any pressure, have done enough of that already

She's fine being friends but can't handle me as a boyfriend anymore and thinks I will hold her back from doing the things she wants to in life. Sucks because all I want to do is make her happy.

Can't offer you much help but at least you know there are others out there in the same boat. Hope things worked out for you guys in the end.

Gosh! I can so relate to you. Anxiety has ruined just about all of my relationships. I get so pent up inside that I feel like I want to explode at times. I just have to tell myself to calm down and get my head on straight. I just want to have a normal relationship for once where I stop overanalyzing everything little thing my boyfriends do or say. One day I will. I know it. I'm here to support you in any way that I can. You are not alone.

Well next time don't get drunk and don't tell to him if you are suspicious, keep some things for yourself especially if you know that he isn't cheating on you.

I'm in the same boat =(
Except my relationship is completely done and over with now. My boyfriend is a NPD so my flaw of having anxiety was too much to deal with and I hid it very well from him. But the 3 times I broke and told him I was having the anxiety and panic attacks (Normal stuff of feeling faint, heart racing and sweating from going into loud crazy public places) He would throw it in my face if he did something wrong. It was "you have anxiety, you have issues, get over it!".

My best advice to you is when you are with someone who makes you feel good, you will not have the insecurities that they're cheating, you;re not good enough, etc.

Funny story, I had a boyfriend who would tell me I'm not here for a long time, I'm here for a good time. And ever since that I just enjoyed our "limited" time together and didn't focus on the petty things. Funnest relationship of my life, but he was cheating the whole time.... The last guy I was with the narcissit, he didn't cheat or anything but always made me feel I wasn;t good enough and I spent almost a year miserable.
I would recommend picking up a hobby, finding something you love to do or learning something new so when you start obsessing and getting anxious, you can use your hobby as a tool to relax. It really helps, I promise.

Oh, I would love to have a jealous obsessive and anxious girlfriend.
Aren't you from Brazil, are you? =p

When I'm anxious I just act like a psychopath, causing fear on the ones around me.

And, sorry, but I must say that

sarahsmiles123 wrote:. I know that if he would give me one more chance...it would be totally different.

This is not true. You cannot change your personality. You can mask it for some time, but the true self does not change. But it's ok. The partner for life will not be the first, second or third boy that you meet. Keep going.

After some self analysis, I see that I am in the process of trying to push my boyfriend into breaking up with me. He is great in everyway. Never says a mean word, is responsible, handsome, caring, pretty much the whole package. For some reason though, I tend to pick him apart and nag him until he can't stand to be in the same room as me. Then I go follow him asking him why he's mad. It is such a ridiculous cycle I subject him to and he in no way deserves it.

I am beginning to think that all my pent up frustration comes from the fact that I feel like I am running on 11 all the time. My heart races, I either sleep all the time or not at all, I am confrontational and cannot seem to shut up, even though my brain is sceaming at me to stop talking. I will go to extremes in pretty much everything I do (not talking substance abuse or anything, more like cleaning the house, organizing, etc). Unfortunately for him, he is in the cross hair most of the time due simply to his proximity to me.

I'm not even sure I have an anxiety disorder, as I have been to chicken to go to the doctor and get a diagnosis. From what I have researched though I suffer from anxiety and/or depression. I have made an appointment this week with my doctor, so I am taking the steps to try and understand the physical, mental and emotional issues I am dealing with. I am finally taking these steps because I am sick and tired of letting my anxiety rule my life. I refuse to let myself push my boyfriend away because of something that I hope can be changed with lifestyle changes and medication. I have quit jobs, ruined relationships and missed out on a whole lot of experiences due to this.

Im a 28 year old male who recently lost hes Gf and soul mate due to anxiety, for the last year of our relationship my job and life pushed me to the limit anxiety became really hard on me, i love my gf with all my heart but i started becoming distant, having mood swings, becoming secluded from the world, stop having friends other than her, i became very negative about everything all i did all day was talk about negative things going on and "what if?" situations. She did nothing but love me, care and be loyal but she couldnt take anymore, my sex drive was dying out, i twitched when she touched me, i was so disconnected i made her feel lonely and i was all she had, i became angry easily and we fought over the dumbest things cause i ignited it and then blame her for it tho i knew it was my fault i could see it all happening but i couldnt stop it that made me more anxious i had really horrible panick attacks. I really hurt her feelings and because of that i started thinking she was seeing someone else and to be honest i wouldnt had blamed her. Now finally she had enough of me after one last bad argument, now that shes gone finally ive researched and found out theres help but its too late i believe shes moved on and im sure she doesnt see me the same tho i know she loves me still. But i crumbled as a man and i lost the one good thing life has given me. Im getting all the help possible from seminars to acupuncture and healthier diet and living but even if i better myself and thats a good thing it kills me she dont get to enjoy then new me when ready cause of all the hurt i cause her.

I was a real asshole and i regret every minute of it but it wasnt me in a way it was the anxiety but explaining that to her dont fix the pain of her being the most loving person i ever met she did tried to stick by me but i made it impossible this is a horrible disease and i cant help but feel it cost me the one thing i loved more than anything my problem now is tho im getting help the thought that i hurt the person i love the most makes my anxiety a bit worst cause im constantly depressed thinking of how horrible of a person she probably thinks i am, she agreed to stay friends but i already see the distance and coldness coming from her its not the same as the best friend i had for 3 years that was always there for me and i deserve it. All i can say is the moment you realize you may have anxiety get help before its too late and your hurt people you really love

How is one suppose to get over loosing the perfect partner and soulmate not cause you are a bad person but cause of anxiety, you know that you would have lived a great life together otherwise and its not fair, how are you suppose to go look for a new love when you never stop loving the person you had, and know she would had love you as well but because you where not yourself you pushed them away and hurt them more than anyone in their lifes, and theres not way to make it up you know they will always remember you as the worst person they met, im taking treatment and i feel better but she will never get to enjoy that the sadness is so intense i wish she could have heard other people talk about this being real i feel she just thought i was an asshole cause thats who i am. Im strong ill move on but for the rest of my life i will always wonder how great my life could had been with this person that i just lost and it kills me

Hi, yes i can relate to this completely. I split up with my g/f over exactly the same issues. It's such a shame when i look back on it because we obviously both thought the world of each other, we just couldn't communicate our feelings very well to each other. When you don't communicate well your imagination tends to do the rest and of course that leads to all sorts of misunderstandings and upsets.

I really don't think either of us did anything terrible to the other but because we had trouble communication openly and honestly we both ended up having trouble with trust and anxiety. We both suffer with MH problems and we are taking steps to work on them but unfortunately our relationship finished because of our respective problems. We really were so good for each other, i had never had anyone i felt as close too or could trust as much and everyday i still regret our parting. I tried to get her to meet up to see if we could try and work things out but she just couldn't face doing so, it was a traumatic time for both of us and we were equally devastated so looking back i can see why.

The mind can play awful tricks on us at times. When you look back at a traumatic experience sometime later you can see why and where you went wrong but at the time factors such as depression and anxiety cloud our judgement to such an extent that we can't think rationally so we end up making rash, uninformed decisions and then spending much time regretting it. Oh hindsight, what a useless tool that can be at times.

Everyday i regret what happened and wish i could go back and change things. if anyone is in this position at the moment and can relate to what i and other posters are saying here all i can say is keep trying, loved ones should never be given up on lightly because they are what makes life worth living and they are worth fighting for.