someone PLEASE help me help my husband

My husband and I are having difficulties in our marriage. We have a 19 wk baby girl who is completly beautiful. My husband has been under an enormous amount of stress this last year with everything from his job to finances and his family. About two months ago he told me he started having severe panic attacks and lots of anxiety. About 6 wks ago he tried to kill himself. He seems really angry at times and is going through a lot emotionally. He recently began seeing a therapist for marriage counseling and himself. He says he wants to try to save our marriage but he can't stay at the night because he has so much anxiety. He calls me sometimes when he is having panic attacks just wanting someone to talk to. How can I help him deal with this??? I want my husband back. He used to be so strong and solid he was my rock. I just want to heal him. This is starting to break me down too. I don't know how much I can handle.

Let me get this straight- he stays gone at night (Do you know where he stays??) because his anxiety is so bad. But he calls you? Hmm. . . . . I hope you do get into couples counseling together. Sounds like the thing for you. So sorry for what you're going through.

Yes I know where he is staying. He gets so angry at me lately. Today he got in a big fight with his mother because she says mean hateful things and somehow it became my fault. He said I should be able to handle her. I don't know what to do anymore please help!!!!!

remorseful wrote: He gets so angry at me lately. Today he got in a big fight with his mother because she says mean hateful things and somehow it became my fault.

There are few things worse than misplaced anger, and that is a classic example of it. If his mom says something that bothers him, his anger should be directed toward HER, not you. When do you think you can get into couples counseling?

we were supposed to go on thursday. He said he absolutely could not make it. tonight he told me that this past year our relationship felt more like a business agreement than a marriage. He said he loves me but it is more like a brotherly love. He said he still finds me very attractive, but we have been emotionally disconnected for too long. How can we rekindle our romance?????

Remorseful, I sent you a PM.

Reading your post is like my life history. I empathize totally with your struggle. I had a breakdown and severe GAD when my wife became pregnant 16 years ago. It was a very hard time, the counseling was a waste of time in my case. My wife looked to me for strength as she was pregnant, but I wasn't able to provide it. I SO badly wanted to kill myself just to escape the pain, but I couldn't do this to my wife and child.

I eventually got the right help and with heavy medication lead a normal life. My wife still resents the fact that I wasn't there to support her. For 16 years I've kept my doctor visits secret from her, it's just easier that way.

So I guess my advice is to be understanding. I was angry and irritable and hard to live with but it was only showing 1% of the internal turmoil I was going through. As for the lack of romance - he is probably blocking out all emotions including love, because if he lets any emotion seep out it will engulf him in anxeity. The 'business-like' realtionship is a coping mechanism. The days of the new mother being supported by the emotional rock of the father are long gone, and probably never really existed.

Get the help you need. This is a disease. Imagine your husband had cancer instead of a chemical imbalance in the brain. I always felt like therapy was like giving an aspirin to someone with a broken leg. But that's my particular situation - your husband may have something different.

Get help. Stick with it and stick with him. It will be hard, but if you love him it will be worth it.

Chris