anxiety

hi, iwant to share my story, maybe get some thoughts, because i feel really depresed now. To start with, i am 25 years old male who was living in a dream all my life, and have to face real life now. I studied in university for design, but was doing not the stuff i should, i tried to paint, so now i am not a painter and not a designer, every job i got i was fired. So i lived with my parents, never able to earn my own money. As i start new job, i see my character flaws that are very deep, i am trying to change, but sometimes i catch myself thinking same things i did before. There were job which i enjoyed, but the salary was very low, not enaugh to live on my own. So i had a chance to go abroad to work and as spare time try to become designer in Sweden. With my close family members. Many people in the world would kill for that kind of apportunity. They doesnt take money for house, very often makes food and doesnt take money for it. They trying to make a responsible person out of me. But i am so ashamed that i got to this depresion. Thing is i cant live normal life here and i dont know why, while i work i think about design. I dont want to go out, and find friends. I dont enjoy anything i did when i was in my country. I dont want to paint, dont want to listen music, play guitar. Find girlfriend. I ask stupid questions like, low paid job in my country which i like, or better paid i dont here. And people i live with are saying right things but i cant listen to them somehow. They say, if you your parents wouldnt help you and you would be on your own you would think different. And i agree. But i feel so bad here, i think i got myself into this bad dark place in my mind i cant get out. I never felt that bad in my life, i think about aging, death, my underachievements in life compared to my friends, i never had a girlfriend. I think i have some condition, cause i cant stop thinking negative, i wake up at night my arms shakes, heart pumps, its like panic or smth. I know that i should just start changing my attitude and start doing things. But for some reason when i think about something great i will do in future i think about my home town or my country. And just want to make my mind positive again, but i am afraid that i wont be able to do that in here. Its few months now.

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with your thoughts and motivations so much lately. I think it would be beneficial for you to see a therapist to see if there is some underlying reason why you can't seem to focus your aims and be able to follow through with them.

I don't think it's that concerning that you are 25 and haven't had a girlfriend yet. Plenty of guys get to 25 without having had a girlfriend yet. I think a relationship will develop for you once you are more confident within yourself of what you want out of life and I think therapy could help you work that out.