all i ever feel is nothing and anxiety

i have had a pretty tough life so ive been told, my dad died when i was 9 nd idrove past his dead body in a car going to school that morning but not knowing it was him till the end of the day. My whole life ive been beaten by my older brother till i was `12 nd i was able to stop him. i started smoking pot when i was 11 because if i didnt i couldnt feel ny emotion like i did when i was younger. I could feel happy, sad, angry, anything nd i liked it. when i was 12 i was shot at for the first time, nd again it happen when i was 14. I was shot the second time by the spray of the shotgun shell it barely hit me in the knee. Ive also been a witness to someone getting shot and killed about 30 feet away from me. And everytime something like this happens u would think id feel something , like frightend scared or something. But no i just go on like nothin even happen. i dont wanna feel like this anymore nd i would love to have some help. I am going to a court orderd psycologist wich doesnt kno wats wrong either. One last thing im not a bad kid at all, the only time i ever get in trouble is for pot or standing up for myself. Also since i was 13 ive tried coke, x, codien, dxm, shrooms, drinking,and opium, but i dont do them more then once a month at the most so i dont get addicted.

sorry for the longggggg story.

Hi, sam401! It could be post traumatic stress because of everything you've been through. Also, doing drugs can really increase your anxiety, even if it seems to help at first and the anxiety doesn't necessarily go away if you take drugs less often. I'm not a professional (no one here is), but I've talked to people who've been through similar stuff.
Have you told your psych everything? Maybe there are programs for you to go to for trauma and any other problem too.

Hi Sam401,

What you went through sounds very traumatic and at such a young age. I'm sorry your brother did that to you.

As a suggestion, it sounds like you need to see a therapist, someone that does talking therapy, e.g. a psychotherapist. From what you said, you stopped being able to feel emotion as a result of things that happened in your childhood, therefore I think your childhood needs to be revisited. Ideally this would be with a qualified, caring and sensitive therapist. Possibly a psychodynamic therapist as that involves looking at how one's childhood affects the present. If you're seeing a Doctor, you may be able to get them to refer you to one if you mention the physical abuse in your childhood.

Are there any sports or physical activities that you enjoy? That might help with your anxiety. Or maybe the Doctor can suggest something.

If you could feel emotions before, there must be a way to feel them again. Hang in there, I'm sure you can get thought this. Drugs can affect your mind and make things worse in the long run. Once you have some good support from a therapist, if you decide to go ahead, I would suggest trying to come off the drugs and finding other ways to fill the gap. Have you tried meditation or something like that? That can help you to forget yourself, in other words let go, as happens when taking drugs/alcohol. It might also help to put you in touch with your emotional self.

I'm not saying you 'should' do any of these things, just suggesting. I could be wrong.

Take care,

Breakin

Hi mate,
Rough story, have you tried to go to a medical doctor? Opinions differ,about the best therapy,
though taking medication can get people off of drugs/alcohol and calm down depression
and anxiety issues and if you were to feel better talking to a psychologist may likely be easier.
"Be Well"