help me please someone.

hey, ill start off by describing who i am a little

im a 20 year old male in college, naturally athletic, i live away from my family as well. I am currently procrastinating studying lol but since ive come to college ive become a very angry person. ive never had a good attention span and my brain w/o meds feels like an 8 lane highway. when i speak i speak in fragmented sentences and ideas. i really hate most people i dont know why. i have this extreme sense of right and wrong that i impose on everyone else. i always feel so guilty if i disobey my parents. I question everything and im always thinking what if.... i feel like i can "predict"(for lack of a better word) people after talking to them for 10 seconds. i work at a grocery store and i put these patterns together in my head and i can usually depict how a customer will be just by looking at them ... i am really sensitive to other peoples body language and i feel connected in a way to those around me like i feel what they feel or i can see what they are feeling by watching them. I hate the government lol i feel like all authority with power is corrupt and i openly express that to say... a police officer, not always a good idea lol. I like to resort to drugs (cannabis) to ease my frustration with the world around me. if people would all just treat eachother they way they would want to be treated all would be good but i feel the need to teach everyone a lesson for some reason. i have no idea where that comes from but i feel the need to fix all immoral people. i am a very impulsive person that interrupts people all the time. i know that is alot of stuff all at once but i had to type it all out before it left my mind... now with my psych problems school stresses me out so much especially when my parents get onto me about it. i want to do good so bad but i can never pay attention to things that dont interest me. when customers come through my line at work and i say hi how are you and they ignore me and start shouting orders at me my adreanaline spikes and i start shaking and feel this INTENSE im talking REALLY INTENSE anger my face turns blood red and i just stare right into their eyes with disgust and anger and when this happens like it did today i start freaking out. im such a nice and loving person to all my friends and family and im EXTREMELY protective over them. i would do anything for them regardless of how much they piss me off. today i was studying for a huge test and my manager came up and said i couldnt read my notes even though it was dead slow i mean no one in the store.. about 10 min after that my arms and face went tingly and my blood pressure went to 185/something i saw it and almost passed out... they were tingly for like 40 mins or so.... i know this is a panic attack and i have these only when im really stressed out and something usually just sets me off... my anger scares me to be honest. ive hit holes in my walls in my dorm, and they are stucco not sheetrock my body does not feel pain when i am that angry. also i have been able to control my adrenaline most of my life i can make my blood pressure and BP rise and fall at will too. unless im stressed lol because then i would lower it haha. i suck at writing i know this is all a bunch of random information but this is how my brain works what the h311 is wrong with me?

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with all of this... That sounds really awful...

Have you considered getting some therapy to see if you can discover any underlying causes of the problem?

I know with myself, I often feel excessively angry at people for no big reason and it is due to it triggering something from my past experiences (I went through a lot of abuse as a child, much of which is dissociated and so sometimes I seem to have extreme reactions like that happen when something in the current day triggers me...)

yea i have been talking to one... and last night me and all my roomates got into a huge argument i was able to hold back but ive been so stressed ever since...

That's really positive that you have been going to see a therapist and that you were able to start holding back a bit during that argument.

If you are still holding stress and tension because of it, you could try releasing some of it by doing something that won't affect anyone else. Something like punching a pillow, throwing off eggs hard into the rubbish bin, viciously scrunching up a newspaper or something similar... That might help release those feelings a bit...

Yea i feel you on that one for sure... i have scars on my knuckles from hitting walls. lately i feel like everyone sucks though. my girlfriend of 4 years is constantly yelling at me. today we had to go to the doctor because she had an alergic reaction to her AZO meds and i was tellin her that as soon as the meds are burned off by her metabolism she would feel better again and she just took this nasty tone and started telling me how she was just googling it and went on and on and on... i just sat there looked at the floor said i love you and left... typing this has made me cry too. I have one friend now who i have been friends with forever... I think i will start drinking now.

I know that eight lane highway. I am a worrier. I can't keep up with all the thoughts in my head. My motto is, "what can go wrong, will go wrong. So, I better be prepared. And, if nothing is wrong now, something will be wrong in the future...so I better be prepared for that too!"

So, I am always worrying about something..real or imagined...and it always boils down to people. They are so unpredictable. I spent my life studying people. So, I know that 10 second window of evaluating a person and knowing how to approach or respond. With so many thoughts in my head, I can't keep up with them and I find myself feeling moody and it seems like it is for no reason at all...either anxious or depressed.

The problem is that I know that I am a personable person. As far as learning how to be personable, I think I have several degrees in that catagory just in all the times I have thought about it. Yet, I seem to find myself still worrying and having mood swings. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist. It's possible their is a medication that can help with mood swings, tho the side effects are quite mean. But, instead of being in an "emotional rollercoaster" all the time, it will steady mood swings. Just make sure you don't take too much...because, I was overmedicated at one time...and I found myself never excited about anything at all. It takes the fun out of life when you don't feel fun.

Meds only work 50%. The rest is stanima, and for me, that's where therapy comes in....so... Good luck to you

any sort of drug when you have anxiety and intense anger is a bad idea. caffeine is also a no no. just for a while until you learn how to control your emotions yourself. deep breathing excercises and stress releivers like tensing each muscle in your body singularly and releasing each one singularly. concentrate on other things and SMILE when you smile laugh ect you release endorphines into your system even if its a fake smile it helps. its hard to let go and think of these things in the moment but practice makes perfect and when you have spare time look up meditation and other calming techniques and do them by yourself when you have spare time, if you can set a time everyday to excersice and meditate.