Am I the only one?

A few years ago I had an extremely traumatic experience. One that stood out as being the most horrible in my life that has been full of traumatic experiences. I was abused by my parents and never had a girlfriend that treated me right. It was my own fault, but I could not break myself out of the abusive cycle that had been started from an early age. To cope with everything I went to drugs and soon found myself loading up on pills and smokes everyday. I couldn't take it anymore, having a few close calls, when I was 21 I ran away and met this girl who let me live with her, promising to help with the bills and everything. She was in a hard spot so she agreed without much hesitation. Even far from home the abuse didn't stop, but the majority of hard drugs did. There I received abuse far worse then what I had left but by the end my only vices there were smokes, alcohol and sex. Things got really bad and I eventually returned home after almost 2 years. When I got back I home I did good staying away from the hard stuff, got a decent job and an apartment. I met an amazing girl and we started dating, she knowing nothing of my dark past. After about six months she came to live with me, around the time of the anniversary of the extremely traumatic experience I mentioned in the beginning. All the years since the event I turned to drugs to help cope with the panic attacks and extreme depression that would plague me the week/s surrounding the anniversary, but because I was with the girl, I couldn't. So when the date was nearing I started to have to hide my panic attacks; i would leave the bed as to not wake her, hide in the bathroom, go outside, or smoke a whole pack of cigarettes to try and calm myself down.

When the day of the event came, i couldnt hide it any longer. My panic attacks became so severe that I didnt trust myself alone. The stress from the flashbacks i was having was not alll that was on my mind. At the same time I was then struggling to keep my job and my grandmother was in the hospital. This was all too much for me and i started blacking out for minutes at a time. When i came to, my girlfriend old me that i had fainted for a minute but then came to and started running around the apartment looking for my drugs. Drugs that i had been clean from for almost a year and a half. I had no recollection of that. Upon hearing this i started to panic even more and blacked out for an hour. During this time she said that once again I had an attack, fainted and came to quickly, this time I asked her who she was and where I was. I asked where Melissa was, the girl that I lived with when I ran away. I had no recollection of ever coming home, of my girlfriend, of where i was. After she explained everything to me, I calmed down and then I fainted again and came to. She told me everything that happened and I just thought i had blacked out for a few seconds.

This continued to happen periodically for about two weeks when I would think about what had happened so many years ago and was really stressed. It was like my mind had reverted back to two years ago. She said that I kind of spoke differently and had different mannerisms, more twitchy and arrogant (how i acted on my drugs according to people who knew me then). She and my "other personality" had conversations, and one time "he" stayed for over two hours. While he was out one day, he told her things about my time away from home that I had not remembered. Apparently the abuse got really bad once and I ended up in the hospital because she tried to kill me.

Was the reason for these blackouts so I would uncover repressed memories? I need to know if this has happened to anyone. I feel like I am going crazy. The anniversary is coming up, and i dont know what to do. I have no medical insurance so I cant go to a doctor. She says that if it happens again she cant stay with me. Please someone tell me that I am not alone. That this can be fixed. Please.

Hi, FeelingCrazy! Even if you have no insurance, there might be charities that offer therapy and centers for victims of abuse. I'm sorry you went through all this, your abusers had no right to hurt you.
Start looking for a place where you might be able to get free support and tell your girlfriend about it and ask her to be patient with you. This is not your fault.
You probably dissociated because having the memories of some of the more traumatic events was too hard, so that is how your mind coped with them. You could try taking a look through the dissociative identity disorder forum, although I'm not saying that is what you have, maybe it'd help.
Please talk here, it's good to vent. Sorry about the late reply.