Signs of anxiety

on weekends and most days during the school holidays for nearly a year, until I had a hallucination. I was sitting at the bus stop waiting for my bus when I thought I seen it coming through some foggy glass, I stood up and looked passed the window for it and didn’t see it, it was then when I realised It was a hallucination. I didn’t experiences any symptoms other than the hallucination during this time and some slight anxiety and paranoia, which subsided when I stoped smoking marijuana.
I didn’t touch drugs again until I was 16 I decided to try ecstasy a few times I experienced mild levels of anxiety during this time but nothing serious. A year later my parents went through a divorce, I also had a emotionally abusive boyfriend that cheated on me and led me believe I was worthless, regardless I was most defiantly experiencing depression and anxiety during this stage in my life, which I blamed on the recent stressors of course. It took me nearly a year to recover form that period in my life, I started to become confident again and feeling radiant and more myself. I then found a new boyfriend, which I very much liked at the time. I remember a comment he made once regarding my weight, and when we broke up I took that upon myself and became mildly anorexic.
At 18 I moved from my hometown to study and hopefully get away from my party animal reputation and bad habits, I knew if I stayed where I was I wouldn’t change. I had to keep up this socialite image at home, for some reason I wanted a rest from it all. I also wanted to meet new people I was bored I knew everyone I wanted to “become someone else” or “someone important” so to speak.
My eating habit’s got worse while being away from home due to another relationship failure, I became bulimic, I became bulimic because I believed I was fat and I feared the boy I liked wouldn’t like me if I was fat. I believed he would want me back if I was skinner and prettier than before. That changed when I returned home for the summer holidays I knew my friends liked me for me so I slowly came out of it. While I was home for the summer holidays I felt confident like nothing bad could happen to me, I started to try drugs again this time I had speed twice, ecstasy twice and some mdma(I get in the moment and its offered to me so I take it). I had a anxiety attack a few weeks after the intake of these drugs, which I made my mum take me to the emergency room to be evaluated, they undertook tests and sent me home. I was called to come back in to discuss my results I was always to hangover to go in.


I went back to study that February with what I thought to be a healthy mind, until a friend passed away. The night I found out I pretty much cried myself to sleep, to awake in the middle of the night feeling his presence (I knew he wasn’t there I just had this weird feeling in my chest) I cried for another three days after with a massive empty feeling in my chest. I attended the funeral and didn’t cry which I thought was strange. I returned back to study to find some more unfortunate news my best friend had been diagnosed with stage two cervical cancer, I gradually started to believe I too was sick and going to die I had this feeling in my gut something bad was going to happen. I got numerous tests done and everything came back negative, I started to believe it was just the anxiety coming back due to stressors) until my boyfriend said something about schizophrenia and how its onset is slow, he also said his mum told him not to go out with any crazy girls (his mum is a psychic and a astrologer, my mum and I have always been kind of spiritual) this led me to believe I am loosing my mind and the memory of my hallucination became so real to me again.

It’s been around 7-8 months I have been plagued with this phobia, and its only gotten worse. I have slowly been withdrawing myself from social interaction it started as I didn’t want to be around people because they might realise I’m weird or crazy, now I just want to be alone and figure out what’s happening to me and why I can barely hold a conversation (I don’t know if its because I actually cant or cant be bothered). I get so scared I’m going to become schizophrenic I cry, I test reality like “did I really hear that sound or am I hallucinating” Because a few months ago I thought I heard my friend mumble something when I almost immediately realised she didn’t. I also thought I saw a spider out the corner of my eye when it turned out to be my door handle I was almost positive I was loosing my mind at that stage. I know I’m not the same person I used to be. I have racing thoughts, repeat words and songs in my head, I think my speech is disorganised, insomnia, I play out conversations in my head, constant déjà vu, I don’t know how I feel a lot of the time, can’t find any enjoyment in anything anymore, don’t realise people are talking to me nor can I understand what there saying, I almost always miss interpret what their saying, fell like laughing when my boyfriend is angry at me sometimes, depersonalization, feel empty, hyper reaction, hearing my thoughts in different voices in my head, my memory is non existent, cant get out of bed most mornings, I talk to myself or refer to myself in my head as “we” sometimes, derealisation, intrusive thoughts, cant recognise where sounds are coming from or what they are, dizzy, tired, say words in sentences I don’t mean too, racing heart beat at times, nauseous, feel like I live in a dream, detached from my body, don’t recognise my name or my face in the mirror. I’m pretty much not the same person I used to be.

Sorry about the long post, I’m just looking for any answers I can get. Thanks.

It does sound like anxiety and intrusive thoughts and a fear of getting ill might be related to ocd. Your boyfriend's mother needs to mind her own business. You are not going crazy, you only need a little help. Nothing of what you describe sounds serious to me, but I'm not a professional psych or anything. It doesn't sound like you hallucinated, people do sometimes get the impression that they're seeing or hearing something that's not there.
You have to get help for this and for any symptoms of an eating disorder that you might have.

Jasmin, you can relax! This is anxiety and nothing else, I assure you. I know, because I've suffered the same symptom of fear of going mad myself and it is actually a common symptom of anxiety! More so bulimia is a development of a anxiety in a way (I know I've been there too).

If you were ''going mad'' you would insist you were sane for a start ) You need to go to your doctors, get yourself some anti depressants (not sure if this has been tried by yourself before, remember you need to take them for a few weeks before they kick in!) and then you need to go to see a therapist who specialises in the area and have as many sessions as it takes. You WILL get over this I swear. My symptoms were exactly the same as yours: constant chatter in your head, no memory, sense of derealisation, fear of drugs having caused a mental illness in me, adamant feeling of never going to feel sane again. It really takes over you. Once I'd found out that these were just anxiety I started to feel a bit better over the course of a week. That's why I want you to know too! The physical symptoms like headache, blurred vision, numbness are a disaster because they make you mentally terrified because they're very real physical feelings.

SO! Here's how I went about getting better!..
1. Felt like I was going mad, sure it was taking drugs, googled my symptoms, found out about this anxiety illness!

2. Went to the doctors told them I was sure I was having anxiety difficulties and got some beta blockers and anti depressants. I also took my mum with me so that she could hear the doctors 'testimony' if you like that I was ill, its a real illness and I was going to need support and understanding.

3. I rang work and said I was quite ill with anxiety and wasn't going to be in for a week. Then I cancelled all other plans I had. I started taking the midicine and spend the week just watching TV, trying to relax and just allowing myself to feel how I was feeling. You need to give your body a rest!!! Even if your sure you're not doing that much!

4. The next week I felt a bit better as I'd accepted that I had this illness, and that it was anxiety and told myself to STOP googling my symptoms or questioning or letting myself trick myself it was any other mental illness (because its not). I went back to work which was OK because people knew I was ill so I felt no pressure and that if I needed to leave the room for a bit, I could. I thstarted counselling that week too and now I've had 2 sessions and have been really surprised infact AMAZED at how much better I feel. When anxiety grabbed me at first I really thought it would never ever go!

Re the drugs thing. Drugs can you make you feel anxious in the couple of weeks/months after you take them but it IS just anxiety and it will go. Knock the drugs on the head though! You need to tell your therapist this is what your fear relates to!

DO NOT:
Spend a load of time/looking for solutions to anxiety: this miracle cure, that miracle cure etc etc. You need tailored therapy with a therapist.
Hide your feelings from thse who are your ''supporters''. I did a lot of crying on my mum/boyfriends shoulder declaring I was never to be cured! and how I didn't know why it was happening to me etc etc, crying really helped me actually, it was a release of frustration!
Think for one minute that you're suffering from something other than anxiety. I was sure people must just not realise something was very wrong with me mentally. It WAS anxiety.

I hope this helps, chin up, a huuuuuuge number of people go through this, they just keep it quiet.

Just continue go to your physician for continuous remedy of your anxiety... Avoid taking drugs again... It will not help you to ease your problem and also avoid to have boyfriend until your anxiety not really cure.. Just pray and believe to miracle and will overcome all that happened to you... Good Luck and God Bless.

I have the same symptoms as you just not all of them and not so intense, this is anxiety I hope and I have it almost a week, I just do not want to visit psychiatrist yet since I hope I can cure this by myself. Is it possible to cure anxiety by yourself or not?

Jasmine, you can get a handle on this by taking baby steps. Examine the foods you eat. Dairy is high in hormones and so is meat. Try organic food for three months. Remove Caffeine. Just drink water and vegetable juice for three months. Eat more vegetables to the point that you have a tomato and a cucumber for breakfast. Believe it or not that's really the stuff we're supposed to be eating. Go for a walk three times a day and drink valerian tea before you go to bed. See how things change for you.