childhood fear still with me.

not sure if this is the right forum. but anyway...

when i was a child (i think it started before the age of four, but i have a hard time remembering much of my childhood and putting my past in any kind of order is difficult) i developed a fear of laying my legs out straight when sleeping. i was terribly afraid that something was going to suck me in (im not sure into what exactly) make me disappear into some alternate dimension i suppose. i imaged this alternate place as a kind of nothing place. a black hole. empty. later on i began fearing there were invisible creatures of some sort that would follow me and watch me. i was afraid that one day they were going to catch me and take me to this other place. at first this only happened at night time. i was always looking behind me when walking down the hall to my room..going to the restroom, i would constantly keep the shower curtain open, i had to keep the restroom door open because i was afraid they would lock me in. then i started getting this fear in the daylight. walking outside i thought they were in the trees, i was afraid to tell anyone about this fear because i didnt want to anger these "creatures". i thought they could also read my mind. i am 25 now and i still carry this fear. most of my life i shared my room with my sister and it didnt help to have someone else in the room. when i had my own room for a couple of years (between 16 and 20ish) i had to sleep with the lights and television on. i started having sleep paralysis where i could finally see these creatures. i remember waking up one night paralyzed and they were clawing at my skin and then was pulled back into sleep. i woke up with scratches all over me. im in a relationship now and still cant be comforted by sharing a bed with someone. i have to sleep facing the room with my back towards her which she hates because she wants to be cuddled. and when going to sleep i have to open and close my eyes every few seconds to make sure i am still in my room and that nothing is moving..coming for me etc. i had psychotic episode a few years ago where i was hallucinating for over 8 hours which i ended up going to seek help for...was put on zyprexa, zololf (ive suffered depression all my life), depakote (not sure why?) and ativan. because my insurance ended a year after that i have not been on any medication since. i feel like everyday it is getting worse. im constantly looking behind me, worrying over noises i hear, my teeth are always clenched together and im always tensed up like as if i am ready at any moment to have to fight off these creatures.

i havent talked about this with anyone. i try to tell myself it isnt real but then i get afraid that the creatures will get even angrier if i even think they are unreal.

has anyone else had these kind of fears that have carried on from childhood?

Hi, iampinkmoon! Maybe you have this fear because of the anxiety that your condition causes. It must have been very scary, especially when you were a child. You should tell a professional you trust, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I used to have a lot of anxiety in my teens and I'd be scared of the dark and of having nightmares.