Some guidance

Hello,
Im glad I found such a forum. I'de just like to introduce myself and share some of my experiences over the past 5+ years because Im in a pretty rough situation right now.

Ive always been the "worry type", never knew what I really had and I dismissed it as being nothing.

Things started getting worse as I grew older and as my life changed so did my worrying. It got to the point where I would wake up everyday and feel like I was going to puke and most of the time I would.

Coincedently, I was diagnosed with gerd aka acid reflux. So I thought to myself, "thats probably the reason why Ive been feeling sick every morning". But even with medication for my reflux, I would still feel sick, lethargic and the worrying started getting out of control.

This is where things took a turn. One night I felt so sick that I just went to the emergency room. I was there for a couple of days while they ran all the tests and found nothing.

Thats when I found out it was a mental issue. I got reffered to a doctor who diagnosed me with anxiety disorder and put me on all types of meds and whos appointments lasted no longer than literally 4-5 minutes. And if I mentioned that I wasnt feeling good on a specific kind of medication he would tell me to stop it cold turkey and he would prescribe me another.

This happend for about 6-7 different meds and you can imagine the kind of horrors I was going through.

After gaining 50+ pounds, I knew that this doctor was not in the practice for the sake of the patients, but strictly for the money.

So I switched to another physician, we started some new treatments and to my surprise I was feeling better.However, he did diagnose me with ADD (which he said was the source of my anxiety).
But as my luck would have it, I was late for a payment on my insurance company and my coverage lapsed, so I had to apply again. And guess what, they didnt cover any of my mental conditions anymore.

So I had to start paying for all of this out of my pocket, meds can get pretty expensive. I couldnt really switch to another insurance company because they wouldnt cover pre-existing conditions.

But then, my doctor got transferred out of state; about 3 hours away. He was a really good doctor and I wouldnt mind driving that far to see him, which I did but the appointments were not so frequent.

To make matters worse, my girlfriend cheated on me, broke up with me and got engaged and pregnant.
I lost the weight, started going to the gym and got through it.

Approx. 1 year later I got a new girlfriend... I seemed to be doing well. Its just that with the meds, my weight shot up a little; AGAIN.

Since I was feeling well, my doctor decided to stop 1 of the 2 medications that I was on. Felt a little withdrawl (effexor xr), but nothing that I couldnt handle. Fast forward two months, which is present day.
Even throughout this whole time, my goal was to eventually be "drug" free. Seeing that I was doing well, I decided to stop taking the second med (bupropion xr); cold turkey. I went from 300mg to 0.

First day I was feeling amazing, second day I was feeling great... I thought to myself "finally Im free of drugs"!!!.

VERY BIG MISTAKE.... later that night which was 2 nights ago I got the WORST withdrawl I have ever experienced in years... it completely crippled me. It was so bad, that I was very close to going to the ER.

I took two sedatives and got knocked out. I got back on the med the next day and yesterday.
I still feel like crap, Im very tense, no appetitie whatsoever, I lost about 9 pound in those 3-4 days.
Now here are my questions, will I go back to normal because I feel as if this set me back a couple of years in my treatment.

I will be seeing my doctor again soon, but he has not given me any options other than meds.
Is there anything else that I can do in addition to the meds to help relieve my anxiety? It seems like I am constantly tense.
Yoga perhaps? Some CBT? I need to take control of my big brain.

Its just that with all these meds I feel like I am weak. Alot of people think being on meds is a weakness of character and there is definitely a stigma attached.
I really didnt want to start any of the meds, but due to the circumstances that I was in; I had to.

Any help or tips would be greatly appreciated.

God Bless.

Hi,

I have read quite a few similar stories to yours over the past few years and it is so frustrating to hear that someone is going through this. Firstly, if medication and doctors have not helped you in the past, then I would not pin much hope on them helping you in the future - They don't work for everyone. What you should try to do instead is really get to know who you are inside. What I mean is, stop letting doctors tell you what is wrong with you and instead analyse your own self and come to your own conclusion.

Once you feel comfortable knowing who you are, that's when you can get on with life. When I say 'knowing' who you are, I am referring to focussing on your likes/dislikes, needs, wants, and goals. Sit down occasionally and assess how far you have come in life, and where you want to go to in the future.

If none of this helps, then I apologise my friend.

Kevin

Chucky wrote:Hi,

I have read quite a few similar stories to yours over the past few years and it is so frustrating to hear that someone is going through this. Firstly, if medication and doctors have not helped you in the past, then I would not pin much hope on them helping you in the future - They don't work for everyone. What you should try to do instead is really get to know who you are inside. What I mean is, stop letting doctors tell you what is wrong with you and instead analyse your own self and come to your own conclusion.

Once you feel comfortable knowing who you are, that's when you can get on with life. When I say 'knowing' who you are, I am referring to focussing on your likes/dislikes, needs, wants, and goals. Sit down occasionally and assess how far you have come in life, and where you want to go to in the future.

If none of this helps, then I apologise my friend.

Kevin

Thanks for your response, some of the meds have worked for me, but like all medications; the side effects are horrible and that might be something that I am going to have to live with. As far as getting to know myself, I have spent countless hours wondering why such things are happening to me but I cant come up with an answer.

I feel like the meds are just a cover-up; and I need to attack the problem at its source. But how am I supposed to do that if I dont know where/what the source is.

CBT is a wonderful tool to use while feeling anxious, I use it all the time and have been using it for 13 yrs... but the thing with CBT is that you need to continue to use it.

There are a lot of good books out there that could help you with your excess worrying. Just getting a book on anxiety or worrying could really benefit you, or talking with your doctor, or even a therapist to help you deal with it so you aren't feeling like this everyday.


Yoga can help, any type of exercise will benefit anyone really.

Yes, actually, yoga has revolutionised my brother's life. He only started doing it a few years ago but, through it, he has met his fiancee and is now a yoga teacher himself. His fiancee is an ex ballet dancer who toured the world for a few years. Conversely, CBT is something that has helped me. If you have been offered CBT, then you might as well try it at least once. Don't expect miracles, but it might make your life that little bit easier.