Strange anxiety/panic I can't put a name to?

So ever since I was born I've experienced a type of anxiety/panic that no one but my father has been able to understand. I believe I got it from him.

The best way I could describe the trigger is something too big going into something too small. Sounds weird, right? I know it does, which is why no one takes this seriously.

This has caused me countless horrible panic attacks and gives me a complete wave of terror that puts me in extreme fight or flight/panic mode. It has screwed up my life a lot and I have never been able to put an exact name or explanation to it. I've also been too afraid to write it out.

Does anyone have any idea what this could be or what could cause it? I just really need to know, for the sake of me and my dad.

Thank you! <3

Well, the first thing I think of is childhood sexual abuse. Coming from that angle, it doesn't sound so weird, if you ask me. I think it very interesting that you both have this trigger, if I read you right?

Snaga wrote:Well, the first thing I think of is childhood sexual abuse. Coming from that angle, it doesn't sound so weird, if you ask me. I think it very interesting that you both have this trigger, if I read you right?

Yes, we both do. I can share one of the triggers now I think without it freaking me out or anything. The thought of being pulled through the eye of a needle is one. That was hard to write but I'm impressed I actually did it.

Amazing what seemingly innocuous thing can set us off. One person's silliness, is another's terror.

Well that all would be stuff for therapy, methinks... Except yours is a bit soggy on 'repressed memories, are they not? But memory can be such a plastic thing....

'since you were born'... is there not time you can lay a finger on? I used to say that I was afraid of this, or afraid of that, all my life but, when I started to really think back, a lot of mine come from one instant in time that, I can, after all, remember. Although apparently even as early as three or four, I can remember (barely) instances where I possessed a dark imagination that I'd wish on no child.

A lot of mine though, can trace back to a mystery infection that was bad enough to trigger a house-call (which by my time, was a rare thing to see- I'm old but I'm not Norman Rockwell old) where I ran a wicked temperature. I.... don't know, can't say, but I suspect it triggered a now know autoimmune source of anxiety/OCD behaviors. PANDAS I think it's called. Not the cute zoo kind, more the demons from Hell kind.

Even though it may have been very early on, I can't help think there must be some point in time, young enough to make it casually seem like forever, that brought some of these odd triggers, on.... but I'm just thinking aloud.