I have burning questions that require extinguishing

Dear PsychForumers,
I've been having a lot of trouble and, I know this is not a place for a diagnosis ... but I'd like to at least narrow down what my problem may be. In the interest of time, here's an itemized list detailing in chronological order my history of issues.

[*]I began experiencing symptoms of OCD at a very young age - one incident involved me having an intrusive thought about breaking something expensive of my mother's that she treasured. I didn't want to and it caused me a lot of distress wondering why the thought crossed me mind. I was eventually convinced - with a little help - that it must be the chatter of demonic persuasion.
[*]When I was thirteen, my dad had a heart attack in front of me at Six Flags and was in a coma for a week. Two years later, I began having severe panic attacks (the kind where I thought I'd been poisoned or was dying - I didn't know what panic attacks were). They've all bun subsided, at least the ones with that level of severity.
[*]Recently, reflecting on my life, I've come to the conclusion that I've been manipulative and self-serving on a lot of occasions. When one incident or another comes into my mind, my stomach sinks like a stone. I feel I've treated people in some pretty heinous ways as a means to and end. A lot of the time - not all - I was unaware that the thing I did was inappropriate.
[*]I'm twenty six now. I have no job and hardly ever have had - two weeks was the longest position I've held. My education was arrested in the fifth grade because I "performed poorly." I was supposed to be home schooled but that never materialized. I've never kissed anyone. Well, I've never kissed anyone and not ###$ up enough to leave myself unembarrassed. I have trouble talking to people of my own age. Trouble maintaining friendships. Don't know the first thing about flirting. I'm gay so that makes it a bit more unclear how I'm suppose to interact. Oh, yeah, and all this has led me to self-medicate (weed... alcohol... Y'all know the drill).

I've tried to spare as few details as possible. Based on what I've told you here, did anything stand out to you as, "oh, it's probably this?" I can't seek counseling at this time and I'm not using this as a substitute. I just want to get a little closer to finding some answers. Any help along that journey would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much for reading my message. I look forward to hearing from you all.

Nobody?

I don't think forum members are allowed to suggest or offer potential diagnosis. I think it's okay to do research and self identify with certain disorders, but if you want to know for certain your best option is a therapist or doctor.

I think it's okay, within our own experience, to say what something sounds like... I have no qualms at all, for example, of telling someone with HOCD that they sure do seem OCD to me and that sorry, my gaydar isn't pinging.,, which isn't the same, as telling someone Yes, you definitely have OCD! That would be pushing the forum rules, yes.

And anybody 'in the business' who comes and starts telling people what's wrong and exactly how they need to fix it, soon feels the banhammer, if they don't stop it. Professionals are expressly forbidden from posting as such, only as peers.

As long as it's a 'well I have ___ and that sure seems like ___ to me, I'm not going to look askance at a YMMV kind of response. This is peer support, and it is expected that peers will compare a poster's issues to what they know about the malady, and about their own experiences. And will offer feedback.

It's when someone puts on an air of authority- I know what's wrong with you, you can take it to the bank and this is what you have to take/do to fix it that the unwanted eyes of the mod team are going to be looking a person's way, in the fastest amount of time. Not a good place to be.